We really need more people to be familiar with the term "benevolent sexism." Or at least the concept of it.
So many people are buying into it and calling it feminism. It's just misogyny wearing a different hat, similar to how "model minority" racism is still racism.
So many people think of women as being inherently nurturing, emotionally intelligent, kind, prone to assuming the best about people, caring, and full of divine feminine mystique. So many people frame all of this as a good thing because, after all, aren't those positive traits? Isn't being caring and emotionally intelligent a good thing?
And it's not that those traits are bad. They're not. They're positive traits, which disguises why this is a problem.
Because all of those are traits associated with being a mother, a caretaker for others, and excluded from traditionally "male" spheres.
It's not that motherhood or being a caretaker are bad things, but misogyny operates under the assumption that women are inherently more suited to these things (and only these things) because their place is in the domestic sphere - taking care of their man, bearing and raising his children, being the unpaid and unacknowledged emotional support for the whole family, without anyone to do the same for them, etc. The idea that women have some sort of divine secret is also connected to misogyny; men get to be the intellectual, intelligent, logical ones, while women are more suited to less logical ideas, "magic" or manipulation rather than physical capability, seduction, and mothering.
So while it's true that women can have any or all of those traits, men can have them, too, and just as men can be brave, strong, independent, bold, intelligent, good at leading, logical, etc., women can be those things, too, just as easily, because women are fully fledged people and not just the ones who cook and clean so their husbands and sons can live full lives, run the world, and pursue other endeavors.
The idea that women can't do smart things ("girl math"), be independent ("I'm just a girl"), or are simply too naive and vulnerable (e.g. the idea that women must be protected because they're all easily fooled and taken advantage of by men with ill intentions) goes hand in hand with the idea that they're only suited to be mothers, caretakers, and submissive to the men in their lives who protect them and make the big decisions because women can't take care of themselves or think logically enough to make their own choices.
And these ideas are EVERYWHERE right now. I thought we'd gotten past that mindset. I thought that most people were aware that women can do anything men can do just as well, and that men don't need to be babied and have someone else handle the laundry, cooking, and unpaid therapy. Evidently, we've regressed several decades in the past five years or so.
Men and women just aren't that different, fundamentally, and it serves no one but misogynists (and abusive people who want to escape accountability) to insist that women simply inherently have traits that make them far more suited to the roles misogyny has relegated them to, even if, on the surface, those traits seem positive. Men can be emotionally intelligent, nurturing caretakers, and women can be logical, intelligent, and bold, just as men can be irrational, moody, and manipulative and women can be emotionally stunted, selfish, and violent. Gender stereotypes are tools of the patriarchy that are taught, not innate or inherent based on gender, and they never have been and never will be universally applicable to ANY gender.