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my how youve grown
some info on her: she is not a god , but is the manifestation of the butterfly effect itself . in his younger days she always trifled with wanting to change how things go - shes always wanted to help, but shes cursed with never being able to interfere no matter how hard she tries he'll never succeed . they are bound to be the flap of the butterflies wings, but never the hurricane it may cause . her presence alone is the cause but never the effect , and so, she resides on the sidelines- bound to be a watcher and an inactive party in everything he causes.
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Like we have commodified human connection to a degree where if you go beyond smalltalk you're oversharing and if you talk too deeply about your life you're traumadumping and if you get visibly upset you're manipulative and if you care too much you're codependent and if you want to talk about anything heavy you're expected to go hire a therapist because your friends shouldn't have to deal with that stuff and yet we're all sitting around wondering why so many people are lonely...
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Reblogged painsthegame
So sick of dog motif what about cat motif.
I love you but we don't love the same. I can't be near you when you want me to be. Your love is smothering and your need to keep me safe is trapping me. I'm my own person but I don't know how to show you that. I lash out and hurt you even though I don't mean to. I need you to move slowly around me or I'll bolt. I love you, even though I don't say it. If you stay still I'll sit next to you, and even though we don't understand each other we can be together like that.
@aspengrown this is the rawest possible addition to this post thank you
and also:
cat love as in I am small and scared and all of my instincts and my experience and your vast power say you're a threat but I am choosing to trust in your kindness despite my fear. you could kill me with one hand but I know you won't.
cat love as in I can tell you are upset and I don't understand why so I will sit stiffly beside you and awkwardly provide the only reassurance I know how to give. I am uncomfortable with every single moment of this but it is what you would do for me.
cat love as in I am small and powerless but I will curl up back to back with you and stand guard while you sleep and I will mean it with every fiber of my being.
my cat Nepenthe was a former stray behavior case at risk of euthanasia because she kept mauling potential adopters. on her second week in my apartment--having already attacked me multiple times without provocation, I will add, I wasn't special, she needed genuine help--she slinked out of the bedroom yowling at me. when I went to check on her she kept walking back and forth until I followed her, where she insistently paced between my feet and her hidey-hole in the back of my dresser, increasingly distressed. about three seconds after she gave up and hid, an absolutely torrential rain front hit. she didn't understand yet that we couldn't get wet inside. she'd been trying to warn me.
she didn't know me yet, but she knew I hadn't yelled at her when she hurt me. she knew I hadn't tried to hurt her back. she didn't understand why she was attacking me; those episodes probably scared her more than me. she knew I "shared" food with her, and that I asked before touching her. and she went out of her way to bring me into her safe space, to protect her friend.
cat love as stiff hesitant uncertain acts of service that are devastating in their sincerity, as well.
I'm sorry, I had a response to add on, but now I'm crying over your cat. Oh my god.
cat love as stiff hesitant uncertain acts of service that are devastating in their sincerity, as well.
He had the awkward tenderness of someone who has never been loved and is forced to improvise.
Isabel Allende, from The House of The Spirits