dovesndecay:

Microaggressions against polyamory in interpersonal interactions are important and should be discussed, but I do wish more of the conversation focused on the ways that systemic amatonormativity impact things like family units, taxes, healthcare, inheritances, housing, childcare, etc.

I’m not dating or married or related to anyone I live with, and our household of four adults can’t get any kind of financial or food or housing aid because we count as three separate households despite our semi-blended finances and living together for a decade. There are laws that have been proposed (at least, I don’t know if any passed) that limit housing to nuclear families.

Amatonormativity and polyphobia are not just theoretical “people are kinda mean about this sometimes” – they are real and materially impactful systemic issues, and they affect all of us.

(via sanguinifex)

lifryxai:

not-terezi-pyrope:

derinthescarletpescatarian:

fallenstarworkshop:

derinthescarletpescatarian:

I don’t understand people who are all like “I’m not really happy in this relationship but I don’t want to be alone” like why not? Not being in a relationship is the dream. A mediocre partner shouldn’t be a safety net or consolation prize, your partner should be amazing enough to beat out the really fucking awesome position of being unattached. It’s fucking great. If your partner’s making you unhappy then not having one is better, trust me.

Also if you’re worried about being “alone” you don’t need a romantic partner you need a circle of friends. Join an art club at your local library or something.

(This post is about people who are settling not people with practical concerns like ‘cannot afford to live alone’ or 'we’re raising kids together and it’s be worse for everyone to go through the mess of a breakup’ or 'I am disabled and because of my country’s shitty shitty support system my quality of life would tank severely and I could easily die if I break up with my partner’, those are important and very different problems. Let’s not piss on the poor here.)

Not being in a relationship is the dream.

Have you considered that maybe you could be aro?

I am aro but alloromantic people are not helplessly mind controlled into Must Have Relationship either. I know lots of allorom people who get into relationships when it makes them happy and enjoy their freedom when they’re not in a relationship. They’re not helplessly fated to be miserable in an unhappy relationship until a happier one comes along to jump onto.

“Social validation” and “success signifiers” are a hell of a drug for normies ;p

I won’t say I don’t feel their pull also, but I’ve chosen an idiosyncratic/culturally-alternative image enough that building relationships that I actually really enjoy takes precedent over any residual normativity, and attract people who pair well me rather than just looking like the right sort of person on the outside while having completely incompatible wants and intent.

And it turns out that once you strip away all the external motivators, being with someone (or someones) who you love intensely and get along very well with in a complementary way was actually the initial motivator behind relationships, and it’s still great!

Go out and find that if you’re just putting on appearances, and have enough self-confidence to drop anyone who sees you as an accessory yourself, or their property.

(Also try rejecting narratives of jealous personal ownership over others for the sake of safe-keeping your social pride, and start mutually building individual relationships that prioritise benefitting you and your partner. This may also mean dropping an expectation of monogamy by default, but I know most of you ain’t ready for that so that’s another post 😜)

a lot of people think they cant get laid outside of relationships tbqh

Oh, I have soooo many thoughts about how society has put sex on a pedestal and created so many rituals and expectations and totem meanings for it that they feel they need a relationship to access it - in the same way one needs to handle hot steel with tongs.

Can be pretty catastrophic, especially as in heteronormative society the specifics of those expectations and meanings can be very different depending on your assigned gender category, and a relationship won’t actually insulate you from those clashing incentives.

Need to shower, though… Maybe later

derinthescarletpescatarian:

fallenstarworkshop:

derinthescarletpescatarian:

I don’t understand people who are all like “I’m not really happy in this relationship but I don’t want to be alone” like why not? Not being in a relationship is the dream. A mediocre partner shouldn’t be a safety net or consolation prize, your partner should be amazing enough to beat out the really fucking awesome position of being unattached. It’s fucking great. If your partner’s making you unhappy then not having one is better, trust me.

Also if you’re worried about being “alone” you don’t need a romantic partner you need a circle of friends. Join an art club at your local library or something.

(This post is about people who are settling not people with practical concerns like ‘cannot afford to live alone’ or 'we’re raising kids together and it’s be worse for everyone to go through the mess of a breakup’ or 'I am disabled and because of my country’s shitty shitty support system my quality of life would tank severely and I could easily die if I break up with my partner’, those are important and very different problems. Let’s not piss on the poor here.)

Not being in a relationship is the dream.

Have you considered that maybe you could be aro?

I am aro but alloromantic people are not helplessly mind controlled into Must Have Relationship either. I know lots of allorom people who get into relationships when it makes them happy and enjoy their freedom when they’re not in a relationship. They’re not helplessly fated to be miserable in an unhappy relationship until a happier one comes along to jump onto.

“Social validation” and “success signifiers” are a hell of a drug for normies ;p

I won’t say I don’t feel their pull also, but I’ve chosen an idiosyncratic/culturally-alternative image enough that building relationships that I actually really enjoy takes precedent over any residual normativity, and attract people who pair well me rather than just looking like the right sort of person on the outside while having completely incompatible wants and intent.

And it turns out that once you strip away all the external motivators, being with someone (or someones) who you love intensely and get along very well with in a complementary way was actually the initial motivator behind relationships, and it’s still great!

Go out and find that if you’re just putting on appearances, and have enough self-confidence to drop anyone who sees you as an accessory yourself, or their property.

(Also try rejecting narratives of jealous personal ownership over others for the sake of safe-keeping your social pride, and start mutually building individual relationships that prioritise benefitting you and your partner. This may also mean dropping an expectation of monogamy by default, but I know most of you ain’t ready for that so that’s another post 😜)