dovesndecay:

Microaggressions against polyamory in interpersonal interactions are important and should be discussed, but I do wish more of the conversation focused on the ways that systemic amatonormativity impact things like family units, taxes, healthcare, inheritances, housing, childcare, etc.

I’m not dating or married or related to anyone I live with, and our household of four adults can’t get any kind of financial or food or housing aid because we count as three separate households despite our semi-blended finances and living together for a decade. There are laws that have been proposed (at least, I don’t know if any passed) that limit housing to nuclear families.

Amatonormativity and polyphobia are not just theoretical “people are kinda mean about this sometimes” – they are real and materially impactful systemic issues, and they affect all of us.

(via sanguinifex)

tanadrin:

not-terezi-pyrope:

not-terezi-pyrope:

Casual reminder that marriage inequality is still alive and well for polyamorous people.

Because of the UK labour governments new announcements on an increasingly nationalistic and xenophobic immigration policy, I’m once again having to contemplate the prospect of being forced to legally marry one of my non-British partners in order for them to be recognised as part of my family in order to stay in the country. (Not imminently required, but it’s plausible in a few years!)

I love and am committed to the partner in question, but even understanding that I’d be doing it from purely a legal perspective, I don’t want to create that entrenched unbalance with regards to the recognition of my relationships. I’d never be able to marry another, for instance!

I am of a mind where I still place a fair amount of symbolism in what marriage should mean, and it to me means something I don’t want my relationships to be (lifelong commitment that is intrinsically privileged above all commitments to others). I certainly don’t want to declare it for a single person if I don’t have the option of doing it for the others. A legal marriage for me would be an anticlimax for everyone who asked about it (couldn’t afford any sort of ceremony, would be miffed the whole time), and it’d make me feel guilty, however unwarranted, about taking part in a symbolic joining that excludes my current girlfriend or any other future partners…

How dare they force me to contemplate having to perform a relationship style I don’t ascribe to? It’s too “out there” for most non-poly people to consider an issue, I think, so it’ll probably never change legally, but I honestly feel like this sort of thing is a polyamorous analog for things like trans people being forced to be “legally” their gaab. In order to get legal protections for partners we’re forced to “legally” recognise one above the others. Do not like how that sits in my brain and the fact that I may be forced to “conform and be normal” to prevent someone I live getting deported makes me very angry.

The legal institution of marriage is weird, and it gets overloaded with way too much stuff. It’s used to spread benefits like pensions and health insurance and tax benefits around (the “welfare state of two”), it’s used to confer certain specific rights like inheritance and medical decisionmaking in the case of tragedy, and it’s used as, like, evidence of the degree of commitment in a relationship for stuff like immigration.

In an ideal world, we would decouple all these things from one another, and make sure nobody had to rely on their marital status for any kind of benefit (or, as in the case in some jurisdictions, forego marriage to retain their benefits), but it really is a very ad-hoc system that’s been built up over generations without much careful planning.

(via not-terezi-pyrope)

tanadrin:

not-terezi-pyrope:

not-terezi-pyrope:

Casual reminder that marriage inequality is still alive and well for polyamorous people.

Because of the UK labour governments new announcements on an increasingly nationalistic and xenophobic immigration policy, I’m once again having to contemplate the prospect of being forced to legally marry one of my non-British partners in order for them to be recognised as part of my family in order to stay in the country. (Not imminently required, but it’s plausible in a few years!)

I love and am committed to the partner in question, but even understanding that I’d be doing it from purely a legal perspective, I don’t want to create that entrenched unbalance with regards to the recognition of my relationships. I’d never be able to marry another, for instance!

I am of a mind where I still place a fair amount of symbolism in what marriage should mean, and it to me means something I don’t want my relationships to be (lifelong commitment that is intrinsically privileged above all commitments to others). I certainly don’t want to declare it for a single person if I don’t have the option of doing it for the others. A legal marriage for me would be an anticlimax for everyone who asked about it (couldn’t afford any sort of ceremony, would be miffed the whole time), and it’d make me feel guilty, however unwarranted, about taking part in a symbolic joining that excludes my current girlfriend or any other future partners…

How dare they force me to contemplate having to perform a relationship style I don’t ascribe to? It’s too “out there” for most non-poly people to consider an issue, I think, so it’ll probably never change legally, but I honestly feel like this sort of thing is a polyamorous analog for things like trans people being forced to be “legally” their gaab. In order to get legal protections for partners we’re forced to “legally” recognise one above the others. Do not like how that sits in my brain and the fact that I may be forced to “conform and be normal” to prevent someone I live getting deported makes me very angry.

The legal institution of marriage is weird, and it gets overloaded with way too much stuff. It’s used to spread benefits like pensions and health insurance and tax benefits around (the “welfare state of two”), it’s used to confer certain specific rights like inheritance and medical decisionmaking in the case of tragedy, and it’s used as, like, evidence of the degree of commitment in a relationship for stuff like immigration.

In an ideal world, we would decouple all these things from one another, and make sure nobody had to rely on their marital status for any kind of benefit (or, as in the case in some jurisdictions, forego marriage to retain their benefits), but it really is a very ad-hoc system that’s been built up over generations without much careful planning.

not-terezi-pyrope:

Casual reminder that marriage inequality is still alive and well for polyamorous people.

Because of the UK labour governments new announcements on an increasingly nationalistic and xenophobic immigration policy, I’m once again having to contemplate the prospect of being forced to legally marry one of my non-British partners in order for them to be recognised as part of my family in order to stay in the country. (Not imminently required, but it’s plausible in a few years!)

I love and am committed to the partner in question, but even understanding that I’d be doing it from purely a legal perspective, I don’t want to create that entrenched unbalance with regards to the recognition of my relationships. I’d never be able to marry another, for instance!

I am of a mind where I still place a fair amount of symbolism in what marriage should mean, and it to me means something I don’t want my relationships to be (lifelong commitment that is intrinsically privileged above all commitments to others). I certainly don’t want to declare it for a single person if I don’t have the option of doing it for the others. A legal marriage for me would be an anticlimax for everyone who asked about it (couldn’t afford any sort of ceremony, would be miffed the whole time), and it’d make me feel guilty, however unwarranted, about taking part in a symbolic joining that excludes my current girlfriend or any other future partners…

How dare they force me to contemplate having to perform a relationship style I don’t ascribe to? It’s too “out there” for most non-poly people to consider an issue, I think, so it’ll probably never change legally, but I honestly feel like this sort of thing is a polyamorous analog for things like trans people being forced to be “legally” their gaab. In order to get legal protections for partners we’re forced to “legally” recognise one above the others. Do not like how that sits in my brain and the fact that I may be forced to “conform and be normal” to prevent someone I live getting deported makes me very angry.

not-terezi-pyrope:

Just an FYI, “polyamorous people are soooooooo annoying and cringe, but I have to defend them I guess because I guess they’re not actually doing anything wrong, lol”, is still just an insulting expression of polyamphobia.

I don’t know why people think they get a free pass to slag us off and still be considered a good ally because they don’t think we’re literally immoral heathens and dain not to support outright discrimination (with their noses pinched shut in our presence of course).

But nobody wants to hear that because even queer people are like “haha lame fat older-than-30s poly people, haha, aren’t they so cringe, funny stereotype! It’s okay to mock groups for expressing love in a non-normative way now I’ve decided because I’m no getting any backlash and these are actually woke, queer-community-originating demeaning stereotypes I’m repeating.”

Just an FYI, “polyamorous people are soooooooo annoying and cringe, but I have to defend them I guess because I guess they’re not actually doing anything wrong, lol”, is still just an insulting expression of polyamphobia.

I don’t know why people think they get a free pass to slag us off and still be considered a good ally because they don’t think we’re literally immoral heathens and dain not to support outright discrimination (with their noses pinched shut in our presence of course).

But nobody wants to hear that because even queer people are like “haha lame fat older-than-30s poly people, haha, aren’t they so cringe, funny stereotype! It’s okay to mock groups for expressing love in a non-normative way now I’ve decided because I’m not getting any backlash and these are actually woke, queer-community-originating demeaning stereotypes I’m repeating.”

crimeronan:

shoutout to the poly people who never found those “every poly triad is a fat girl and two gross neckbeards” memes funny or cute & who have had to see that shit All Over reddit and ifunny and tumblr and twitter for the past Fucking Decade. may all of our creative endeavors and joy get 10,000 times more traction than an article written by a monogamous person who’s defending poly people by saying “don’t worry, fellow monogamous kids! i too think the poly community is irredeemably fucking irritating!! :)”

deepseasmetro:

yknow im sick of acting like there isnt actual structural violence in place against polyam people. any person who has to keep their romantic life completely secret out of fear of employment loss, housing discrimination, harrassment, social alienation, etc is like. materially speaking facing structural violence. polyamorous couples dont get access to the same legal protections (marriage being the big one), theres no laws in place prohibiting any kind of discrimination against somebody based on having multiple partners, its more than socially acceptable to call us ugly, fat, undesirable, all secretly sex pests or freaks or abusers, etc…. like can we be real here lmao

forestkodama:

saxifraga-x-urbium:

lemuel-apologist:

naamahdarling:

afloweroutofstone:

image

Way, way too real (source)

We all need to get a LOT more comfortable doing this.

image

Kill the part of you who cringes

No really

It’s a fucking life skill

image

@saxifraga-x-urbium tags are correct

(via stitchtoy)