Final Fate of Every Beatle: (real)

George: lung cancer metastasized, 2001

Paul: car full of exploding hammers exploded and then the hammers exploded forever, 2013

Ringo: died shortly after proc’ing his ultimate, 1996

John: humanely euthanized after biting Barack Obama, 2022

Pete Best: brain sloshed out of nose during intense rollercoaster, 1990

Dr. Jean Crumple (“Doc”): smashed flat by falling anvil, 1984

Derek: Cigarette covertly replaced with dynamite stick, 2000

Prevor Kleeman: bonked by giant mallet chasing mouse out of home, 1970

Milton Wilton: liquified in industrial centrifuge, 2016

Bloomble: Floated into the sky and into space holding one balloon, 1977, body discovered by Mars Spirit River in 2007

Pleem: burned at the stake for “time travel magic”, 1368

Glaxo: Ate a Flamin’ Hot Cheeto and exploded, 1999

Dark Ringo: Shutdown Ringo’s ultimate before immediately being killed by Doomfist, 1996

Walkman: assassinated by Sony death squad, 1972

Brian Belvis: consumed by wasps, 2006

Boyle: Got sick of eating beans on toast and jumped out window, 2011

George II: died of a broken heart, 1960

Windward the Wood Elf: trampled by fans who were rushing to meet Glaxo, 1973

Lemple Bumpflee: Died of Ligma, 2012

Yoko Ono: melted in the light of the Depravity Moon, 2024