Security
by bibliomaniac
The Adventure Zone: Balance/Complete/Chapters: 1 Words: 1,545
Barry has always loved small spaces, but this time he might have taken that a bit too far.
(aka the one where Taako explains to Lup that Barry has gotten himself sucked up into an umbrella because it’s small in there and he’s into that)
//
Oh, Barry. Sweet Barry.
prince and court jester au...
look, being a court jester was not kravitz’s ideal choice of career, alright? but bard college doesn’t pay for itself.
like, sure, it’s a sweet gig, he guesses. free room and board? gourmet meals? all the wine he can drink? kravitz’s not complaining about any of that. kravitz loves a good rosé. it’s just - well, there’s a reason why the position’s gone unfulfilled for so long.
the prince fucking sucks.
prince taako’s sister, queen lup - long may she reign - was recently wed to baron sildar of the winterlands, where she now lives with him quite happily for half the year. the prince, running the household in her absence, has been in low spirits ever since she left for her honeymoon… and that’s saying something, since he was already kind of a dick!
but nobody can call him out on it, because, well - he’s the prince. last week he banished a duke because they wore the same color hat to brunch. the head chef is currently rotting in the dungeons for the crime of over-salting yesterday’s soup. suffice to say, everyone in the castle is scared shitless. court is a nightmare.
kravitz isn’t sure how he hasn’t been fired yet. or sent to the stockade. or beheaded. the prince doesn’t seem to like kravitz’s music. kravitz is quite offended on behalf of his lute. jokes don’t land. even dirty limericks are tossed out and left to rot on the cold marble floor. on good days, the most kravitz can hope for is an eye roll or maybe an aggrieved sigh. probably kravitz should be thrilled. in this castle, the best one can hope for is to be ignored.
yeah, he should be so lucky.
The New Kid
by anonymousAlchemist
The Adventure Zone: Balance/Complete/Chapters: 10,836 Words: 10,836
Or, after the end of the world, there’s a house with too many bedrooms, a spaceship parked in their garage, and one boy detective who is everybody’s son.
Also, he’s starting middle school.
The New Kid
by anonymousAlchemist
The Adventure Zone: Balance/Complete/Chapters: 10,836 Words: 10,836
Or, after the end of the world, there’s a house with too many bedrooms, a spaceship parked in their garage, and one boy detective who is everybody’s son.
Also, he’s starting middle school.
//
The POV in this is great, it feels just like a kid. Fantastic family feels as well, and it’s really interesting to get the perspective of a Faerun civilian during the Balance arc. Very sweet found family feels.
I wish you would write a fic where tres horny boys meet Aubrey, Duck and Ned
I think I’ll have to go back and give amnesty a full listen before I jump into writing about the pine guard, anon. But I’ll keep this one in mind!
I MESSED UP. AS SOON AS I POSTED THIS, I HAD A THOUGHT. FUCK.
–
“Whoa!” Magnus exclaims. He stands in front of the entrance to the Cryptonomica. Duck stands adjacent to him. “You’ve got a magic sword? I’VE got a magic sword!”
“Yeah?” Duck asks. He slips Beacon out of his belt loops. “But is your magic sword an asshole?”
“Duck Newton,” Beacon croons. “You would not be saying these words if you were to properly use me to my full capacity.”
“Holy shit, it talks?” Magnus asks, eyes as big as saucers. “Mine just cleaves guys in twain with one blow.”
“Wanna trade?”
light, wine, and sweethearts
by coffeecrowns
The Adventure Zone: Balance/Complete/Chapters: 4 Words: 22,499
In a universe where you’re born with your soulmates first words written on your wrist, there are complications for interdimensional travelers.
light, wine, and sweethearts
by coffeecrowns
The Adventure Zone: Balance/Complete/Chapters: 4 Words: 22,499
In a universe where you’re born with your soulmates first words written on your wrist, there are complications for interdimensional travelers.
//
Amazing. Coffecrowns works the concept of soulmates into canon in a beautiful way that makes this almost a whole new story. Absolutely wonderful with lots of content for all sorts of ships.
Old Man Taako Outruns Death* and Lives Forever**
by anonymousAlchemist
The Adventure Zone: Balance/Complete/Chapters: 9 Words: 12,666
*aka “his husband, his sister, and his brother in law.”
**aka “annoys his family”
Taako is supposed to die on the 18th of October, 652 A.H. Taako knows this. Taako stole Kravitz’s calendar-slash-agenda and on 10/18/52, it is marked in red: “Take Taako home.” There’s an asterisk mark with the addendum, “buy flowers maybe?”
Taako had grinned to see it.
Old Man Taako Outruns Death* and Lives Forever**
by anonymousAlchemist
The Adventure Zone: Balance/Complete/Chapters: 9 Words: 12,666
*aka “his husband, his sister, and his brother in law.”
**aka “annoys his family”
Taako is supposed to die on the 18th of October, 652 A.H. Taako knows this. Taako stole Kravitz’s calendar-slash-agenda and on 10/18/52, it is marked in red: “Take Taako home.” There’s an asterisk mark with the addendum, “buy flowers maybe?”
Taako had grinned to see it.
//
Okay. Okay. This is like, the most Taako fic ever, with some of the sweetest Taakitz interactions, and absolutely fantastic Reaper Trio shenanigans and nicknames. This is such a well crafted fic, with a perfect mix of humor and sentiment that has the characterization down to a pat. Do yourself a favor and go read it like, yesterday.
“THIS TASTES BITTER” WITH TAAKITZ.... if ya catch my d rift...............
i saw what you were asking for and i decided to take in a WHOLE other direction. sorry not sorry at all.
warnings for: non-graphic descriptions of blood and violence, ridiculous crack (as in, taking everything the mcelroys say at face value), 1400 words of nonsense
—
“Shit, shit,” Taako said to himself as soon as his assailants left him alone. His hands tied behind his back in a dark dungeon, out of spell slots from his earlier altercation, he felt more annoyed than anything else. Of course he wasn’t scared- he was Taako, from TV, from the Day of Story and Song! He’d give these guys a piece of his fucking mind- as soon as he had time for a rest. Being captured by necromancers wasn’t too bad, really, was it?
Still, the slash on his stomach didn’t feel great at all, and the stones below him were getting scarily damp, and he wondered idly how someone tells the difference between a mortal wound and an immortal wound. He hoped that he didn’t have to find out… hoped that maybe someone would come rescue him- someone- aha- tall, dark, and handsome?
Yeah, that would work. Little embarrassing, to be a damsel in distress, but he really didn’t see a better way out that didn’t involve physical combat, which he hated more than a whole lot of things.
Wiggling his wrists from side to side, he managed to find enough slack in the rope to fumble for his Stone in his pocket- thank god for whoever put pockets in this skirt, because they’d taken his bag when they caught him without searching him further- and, without looking, dialed Kravitz’s number.
“Hey, bones,” he said as soon as Kravitz picked up.
“Taako!” Kravitz seemed geniunely happy to hear from him, not at all annoyed at getting a call during work. “How are you?”
“In a little bit of a predicament right now. Not sure how long I’ll have to talk, I’m kind of busy, hah, all tied up, you know? Anywho,” he said, realizing that he was rambling and maybe wasting valuable time- when had the walls and ceiling gotten those weird black spots all over them?- “I need a ride home.”
Then, in the interest of saving his energy but also to create an air of mystery, he hung up and dropped his stone back in his pocket.
herbgerblin
