at every customer service job i’ve worked at, during the initial introduction and workplace tour there’s always that moment where it stops being a professional ‘this is our workplace and these are the rules’ intro and becomes the ‘this is hell and these are the corners we can get away with cutting’ tour, i.e ‘this is the cupboard we go to sit and cry in during bad days’ and ‘you aren’t supposed to steal but we get minimum wage so nobody gives a shit if you take a handful of biscuits’.
with that in mind. Tim showing Damian the ropes of being Robin.
Tim: so after patrol you’re supposed to do a nightly report of any incidents at the batcomputer, i’ll show you the login and how the system works…
Bruce: *nods in satisfaction and walks away*
Tim, the second they’re alone: ok so to be honest you’re supposed to do it at the batcomputer so it’s thorough but none of us can be fucked with that so what we usually do is just keep a note on our phones of any major incidents and then on the way back to the cave we send a screenshot of it to Oracle and she inputs it remotely, it saves you like half an hour every night.
Damian: i see.
-
Tim: this is the weapon storage centre; at the end of the night every bat tool has to be accounted for and scanned into the system.
Damian: everything is to be returned to here?
Tim: yeah, Bruce’s orders. but what we haven’t told B is that Dick broke the scanning system years ago so if you want to nick a cool knife or grapple gun for everyday use then you can literally scan, like, an apple or something, and input the code as the item you’re stealing and Bruce never notices.
Damian: *intrigued*
Tim: i scanned a sharpie instead of a flamethrower i was supposed to return one night. Bruce still doesn’t know it’s in my school backpack.
-
Tim: this is the usual patrol route; that’s where we usually get to rest for fifteen minutes, by that 7-11 down there, and over in that alley there’s a really secluded abandoned balcony that no civilians can see.
Tim: that’s where we go during rough nights when we want to cry or stare into space for a few minutes.
Damian: good to know.
-
Tim: if you hurt a rogue too badly you’re supposed to log the injuries inflicted on them to Bruce’s online files so he gets flagged by any major incidents, but Jason figured out that if you tag the injury as ‘light skin trauma’ it will register in the system as a scratch and automatically get put in the ‘unimportant’ file which Bruce isn’t notified by. So even if you stab Scarecrow in the neck, as long as you tag it as ‘light skin trauma with metal implement’ Bruce won’t see it.
Tim: the same applies to our own injury reports, so like, if you ever can’t be fucked with having to sit still and be examined in the medbay after a busy patrol, that’s how you get around him knowing you’re hurt.
-
Tim: there’s supposed to be a limit on the amount of training you can do per day to stop us from ‘over doing it’ but if you time your workout to the evenings where Bruce works on the batmobile, then he never remembers to keep an eye on the timer and we get like an extra hour.
-
Tim: this is the only chandelier in the manor that Alfred can’t get to to clean it, so he relies on us to swing up and polish it every now and then. So if you smoke, up there is where Jason hides his stash.
Damian: …i am eleven.
Tim: Jason started when he was ten, i dont know.
-
Tim: you’re supposed to take water with you on patrol so we all have our own bottles that attach to the belt. Bruce checks that we have it but not what’s inside it, so you can fill it up with whatever. i usually go for coffee. one time Jason and Dick split a pint of margaritas in theirs and tried to see who could drink and swing the best. Dick hit a lamppost.
Damian:
Damian: …well yes. the pit enhanced Todd’s metabolism, so alcohol rarely will effect him.
you have to assume that in the aftg universe there are people writing exy rpf. there has to be at least one person who wrote a ravens mafia au who woke up to the craziest news story of their life
i think we need to get weirder about demiromantic neil. make his relationship with andrew even weirder. fuck with the idea of what a romantic relationship is and can be and looks like. make it weird and hard or even impossible to understand and something that no one else could replicate because it’s built around who they are.
the thing about andreil is that they talk in riddles and convey meaning at frequencies only each other can understand. their conversations border on being literally incomprehensible to outsiders but they are always on the same page which is why they’re perfect for each other.
you can’t really take what they say to each other at face value a lot of the time, that’s just not how they communicate. they operate by unique social rules that they established with each other, that’s how they were able to trust each other so much and why their relationship is so noticeably special to everyone around them.
choose your socially awkward fighter
