Staring at the ceiling cause i was thinking about how Dean and Cas both have this core belief that they don’t deserve good things and how Cas recognized this in Dean from the get-go saying “whats the matter? You don’t think you deserve to be saved” and from that moment on to his dying breath fought to make Dean understand that he did in fact deserve to be saved while still believing he himself was not worth saving - how self-sacrifice but also self-doubt, self-blame, and self-hatred are therefore the basis for heroism - the righteous man, and the Angel who would give up everything including his own morals if it means saving others
AND THEN
motherfucking CROWLEY popping into my head with “I DESERVE TO BE LOVED! I just want to be loved” and how insane is that, that they give this line to Crowley? Who is portrayed as, at his core, utterly self-serving and always looking out for himself and at his most vulnerable is revealed as craving, DEMANDING love, as believing wholeheartedly, that he deserves it in spite of all the harm he has caused, and how this line is given to an antagonist, a villain, a demon, the literal King of Hell
So believing you don’t deserve to be saved is the core of good, as heroism, as altruistic and morally pure
and believing that you in fact inherently just deserve love and kindness is the core of evil, as selfishness, cruelty, ambition, and greed
