if vampires existed in real life i think there would be shady companies advertising "organic blood" sourced from "willing donors" who are coincidentally all poor people being paid like $5 per blood donation. and like haughty vegan vampires who only drink a synthetic blood drink thats brewed in a way thats actively worse for the enviroment. and radical traditionalist vampires who go on tiktok and claim that true alpha chads have to drain and kill people and anyone who leaves their victims alive is a liberal cuck. enter the world of hypothetical insufferable vampire politics with me.

It’s unlikely that this actually happened. It’s a sweet story, but it’s been told many times with different details.

My mom once did this. She had the misfortune to own a mid-90’s Ford Windstar when I was a kid and those things were GARBAGE. Right out of the lot the check engine light came on (among other things) and that meant it couldn’t pass state vehicle inspection while brand new.

My mom took it back to the dealership repeatedly, and each time the technicians assured her “Don’t worry, ma’am, it’s all been taken care of!” only for the light to come back on by the time she brought it to the inspection site, which meant she couldn’t register it and technically had no legal means of transportation. All of this happened while she was juggling several young children and a full-time job.

I don’t know exactly how many times she took that minivan back to Ford, but finally she hit her limit. Whatever hapless Ford employee picked up the phone that day found themselves on the receiving end of 5 feet of midwestern FURY. The enraged abuse she unleashed on the dealership that day got them to agree to take that van back and fix the original problem free of charge while she received a loaner vehicle, something she had never received before. When she picked me up from school that day I was amazed to see my tiny mother rock up to the door in a monstrous lifted quad-cab 4x4 F250 so huge I couldn’t see her over the dashboard. This thing had to be worth at least double the shitbox my mom had been driving, and while I know she would never have chosen such a vehicle herself, I think she drove that colossal pickup truck with a kind of spiteful satisfaction to pick up groceries and take her kids to soccer practice and jazz band.

After several weeks driving around in this beast, my mother received a call from the dealership requesting their truck back, to which my mom immediately snapped, “Did you fix my van yet?!”

They fixed the check engine light.

Spin the wheel.

You have been offered a full-ride scholarship to get a four-year degree in this field, specifically. Upon graduation, you will be guaranteed a job in this field at the 75th percentile of average salary for the field, with the possibility of further advancement as the years go on.

However, you will never be able to get a job in any other field.

trans icon ghost boy 🏳️‍⚧️❤️

me as a parasaurolophus: FUCK that tree falling on me hurt like shit fuck fuck thank god no one saw

weird hairless mammal 75 million years later: Hey everyone look at this idiot who got hit by a tree lol. dipshit.

10lb in cat pounds is 50lb

i keep getting woken up at 5am being crushed by a loud vibrating creature

Happy Truce @arisu-artnfics

@phandomholidaytruce

I’m your backup gifter, I’m sorry it took so long to finish!