friend just told me that he and his siblings used to play a game called "abraham lincoln and the slimy slug" wherein one person is abraham lincoln, with a full range of motion, and one person is a slimy slug inside a sleeping bag
and they would fight. and of course abraham lincoln would just beat the absolute shit out of the slimy slug
To the bold ff.net user in 2013 who tried to write Moby-Dick from the whale’s perspective, please get back here you were cooking
I….excuse me???
I was walking out of the Walmart today, and a car passed me, and I got this incredibly vivid impression. It wasn't really in words, but if I had to put it into words, the two key points would be
a). I needed to watch that car and
b). That I needed to be careful, because the driver of the car was a massive bitch.
It kind of took me by surprise, because I really had no reason to be beefing with that car, and I also hadn't really had an impression like that since I was religious, which was in my teen years. Right? It'd been a decade since I had a little voice whisper in my ear, and I'd basically written it off as nonsense.
Anyway, I watched the car, because The Spirits or whatever were very insistent that I did. Car drove fine, went into the parking spot, inched forward, and right when it should've just stopped, the driver gunned it for some reason and it ran into the curb and cracked its bumper.
So, the driver got out, and she went to the front of the car to check that yes, she had cracked her bumper, and then she turned to look at me. The parking lot wasn't empty, but we were the only two people standing in that row, and I'd probably been staring at her for tenish seconds now.
She demanded very angrily to know why I hadn't warned her of the curb. And I could have said I didn't know you were about to gun it or is it my job to help every stranger park, or even could you have even heard me, inside your car?
And all of those would have been fine, but I was really, really busy digesting that I had somehow communed with Mormon Jesus again for the first time in fifteen years, and that the communion had mostly been there to let me watch someone park badly (?), so what I responded with was:
"Because it was foretold."
And I can't tell which would be funnier, if she went silent because there's not much to be said to that, or if she went silent because in Utah, she might actually believe me, but we parted ways without more words.
I'm still kind of digesting this myself, actually.
God is real but only to tell you to look at that dumbass fail a basic parking manoeuvre
genuinely laughed out loud at this because WHY IS HIS REACTION SO EXTREME😭😭😭😭 like I can't even take it seriously because it's so out of place
loose, foot loose, put on your fuckin foot loose, feet, foot feet, dance on your fucking feet
