thinking about the girl i was in a borderline codependent online friendship with like a decade ago and how she was one of the very few people I was ever able to really open myself up to irt my kinks or whatever (as non-sexual as they still are now) and im almost sure that if I hadn’t actively been in a relationship at the time we would’ve been together and maybe also gone fully into a sort of d/s thing too. maybe.

but then she just ghosted me with a bullshit excuse about her parents disapproving of her online life even though she was 18 and not even living with them at that point.

I dunno, I’m not even mad at her for it, but I think about that time or see old screenshots of our kik chats (yeah, it’s seriously been THAT long) and I get immensely sad. I think in a different time had we not been separated by an ocean we could’ve been best friends or something at least.

I saw a picture of her I had saved on an old phone recently and remembered how pretty she was and I wanted to cry.

Jess, I miss you so fucking much. It’s been a decade and my heart still aches for you. I still can’t hear people call me ‘baby boy’ without thinking of you calling me that all the time.

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Posted 1 day ago
#medazzas personal log #was reading some old fic of mine and saw her comments on them and i just got sooooooo SAD #so heres this fucking lore drop i guess cause only like three of yall were around during that time #maybe its her fault my heart gets wobbly and weak around brunette british girls so what of it