amy: …sticks.

sticks: yes, ma’am!

amy: you don’t have to call me ma’am

sticks: yes, sir!

amy: …you know what, close enough; do you know why i’m talking to you right now?

sticks: nope!

amy: really? so there’s no way i just saw you lovingly staring at a tide pod just now?

sticks: doesn’t sound like something i’d do!

amy: and when i knocked, you didn’t just down the whole thing in one gulp, and audibly swallow, yeah?

sticks: you mean the thing you, trip, belle, and many others have told me not to do several times? of course not!

amy: and i’m meant to ignore the how to eat a tidepod youtube tutorial open on my laptop?

sticks, shutting the laptop: i think it’s best we all ignore that

amy: right… so let me get this straight. you, sticks the badger, expect me, amy rose, to believe that you, sticks the badger, in no reality, would swallow a tide pod?

sticks: you betcha!

amy: and why wouldn’t you?

sticks: because i wouldn’t just swallow it!

amy: do tell, what would you do?

sticks: if i had one in my mouth, i would wanna savor the blueberry and orange filling!

amy:

amy: so you DIDN’T eat it

sticks, coughing: no

amy: you would never

sticks, coughing increasing: no

amy: you DON’T need an ambulance right now

sticks, turning pale: any reason why i would?

amy: well, for one thing, tide pods are lethally toxic; so much so that i don’t think even you could handle it

sticks:

sticks: that doesn’t sound like something that’d be on a youtube tutorial

amy: mhm

sticks: wouldn’t be blueberry and orange flavored, either

amy: i agree

sticks: a-amy?

amy: yes, sticks, sweetie?

sticks: on a completely unrelated note, c-could you call that ambulance?

amy, while sirens play outside her house: oh, i called them moments before we had this conversation

sticks, as she falls to the ground: thank youuuuu…