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a year ago
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Well that is just rude... we could have shared that feast!!
Hello there all. Forgive me as this is a weird meandering journal.
Again I thank you for following and favoriting my works. I may not message as frequently as I should but I do like it, even if its just a quick favorite and I never see you again. It is appreciated.
I hate to get political and hate to really open up in general but this month so far is a bit rough and exhausting. Mentally I am fatigued. Work is work but I swear its putting out fire after fire with home life and I just want to scream. I write porn, and niche porn at that and this is a weird release. For me, this is a small escape from a very dry and unwelcome world at times.
The past years it feels worse. I kept my mouth shut because I hate conflict but began to speak out more. I was angry. Livid even of how things felt like they were sliding back. Rights starting to teeter on the edges of being lost. We experienced Roe Vs Wade, correct? And now it feels like things are backsliding further.
By the gods I was and am pissed. Pissed that immediately after recent political events that people I thought I know IRL, the same people that were happy to help, turned into the most vile personalities. The thing is, they all blurred together and I was upset. I was angry and I wished for such vile rage in return.
I just felt this week so bitter and rage filled that today I screamed into a pillow as I had to cut people out of my life and rethink others because I will tell you as I have laid with men as well as women that I am still a slur in their eyes. I woke up after writing the most recent story a bit, empty but feeling oddly better. There was this bitter rage that was starting to leave me and I swear it was like a poison. I cannot be that person. I cannot harbor that much animosity for no reason.
However, I will not give up. People that I have close to me have been fantastic in keeping my mental state from spiraling and turning into something else and I am grateful to them.
To those that think this is melodramatic, well, perhaps it is. Feel free to dismiss it but do not bring hostile comments to this proverbial doorstep.
I just ask for those out there that are feeling hurt and unsure, that to try and keep hope, but also a healthy limit of anger. Anger keeps you from being trodden on.
I also write this journal as someone from the US as well. I understand that its been a constant bombardment on the internet as of late and I swear it just feels like chaos is churning everywhere. Please, be safe and try for the life of you to not lose yourself. Perhaps I am being a bit mental as I felt like I awoke from a fever of my mind bending me over but I am sure there are others feeling the same.
I will be taking a slight bit of time from things online to kind of focus on some bullshit IRL so probably gonna take the rest of November off to focus on other things. What things? Well... training perhaps. The fall season is lovely and is perfect for hiking.
Be safe out there~
Again I thank you for following and favoriting my works. I may not message as frequently as I should but I do like it, even if its just a quick favorite and I never see you again. It is appreciated.
I hate to get political and hate to really open up in general but this month so far is a bit rough and exhausting. Mentally I am fatigued. Work is work but I swear its putting out fire after fire with home life and I just want to scream. I write porn, and niche porn at that and this is a weird release. For me, this is a small escape from a very dry and unwelcome world at times.
The past years it feels worse. I kept my mouth shut because I hate conflict but began to speak out more. I was angry. Livid even of how things felt like they were sliding back. Rights starting to teeter on the edges of being lost. We experienced Roe Vs Wade, correct? And now it feels like things are backsliding further.
By the gods I was and am pissed. Pissed that immediately after recent political events that people I thought I know IRL, the same people that were happy to help, turned into the most vile personalities. The thing is, they all blurred together and I was upset. I was angry and I wished for such vile rage in return.
I just felt this week so bitter and rage filled that today I screamed into a pillow as I had to cut people out of my life and rethink others because I will tell you as I have laid with men as well as women that I am still a slur in their eyes. I woke up after writing the most recent story a bit, empty but feeling oddly better. There was this bitter rage that was starting to leave me and I swear it was like a poison. I cannot be that person. I cannot harbor that much animosity for no reason.
However, I will not give up. People that I have close to me have been fantastic in keeping my mental state from spiraling and turning into something else and I am grateful to them.
To those that think this is melodramatic, well, perhaps it is. Feel free to dismiss it but do not bring hostile comments to this proverbial doorstep.
I just ask for those out there that are feeling hurt and unsure, that to try and keep hope, but also a healthy limit of anger. Anger keeps you from being trodden on.
I also write this journal as someone from the US as well. I understand that its been a constant bombardment on the internet as of late and I swear it just feels like chaos is churning everywhere. Please, be safe and try for the life of you to not lose yourself. Perhaps I am being a bit mental as I felt like I awoke from a fever of my mind bending me over but I am sure there are others feeling the same.
I will be taking a slight bit of time from things online to kind of focus on some bullshit IRL so probably gonna take the rest of November off to focus on other things. What things? Well... training perhaps. The fall season is lovely and is perfect for hiking.
Be safe out there~
