✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans)'s Reviews > Moon Called

► BR with my MacHalo Freaks starting Nov 15, 2015.

Note to self: you should review books right after reading them. When you don't you always end up lowering your original rating (view spoiler)[Oh well (hide spoiler)].

I should be bummed about this. I really should. And I should be wondering why most people in the universe LOVE this book. Well, most people except my dear daughter Liz, that is. But she takes after her amazing father (aka me), meaning she has pretty spectacular book taste ← this is not making any sense? It's okay, it shouldn't. And yes, I am perfectly sane, thank you very much. Anyway, I'm not bummed over this and I couldn't care less that I'm one of two people who didn't like this book. Why? Because my not liking it means I can take another series off my TBR shelf!!!!! Victory!!!!!



Okay, so I didn't like the book. It doesn't mean it's total crap though. It's not badly written. It's not a case of STOOPID. It's just an unimpressive, big ol' MEH. And I'm afraid meh has come to mean deadly in my world. Deadly boring and deadly lacking inspiration. So much so that I don't have much to say about it. So we'll just stick to a short list of pros and cons, shall we?



① Mercy Thompson is a coyote
No, she's not a coyote ALL the time, you silly. She's a walker. Yes, the Jane Yellowrock type of walker. Only that Mercy kind of sucks since she can only turn into one animal instead of a whole zoo like our dear girl Jane. But hey, I still like Mercy more than I do Jane-the-tea-snob-and-walking-contradiction. Anyway, the whole coyote thing is pretty cool and a lot more refreshing than your basic were-stuff. That's good. Yes. It really is. Absolutely ← this is me trying to think of anything else I like about Mercy. But failing miserably.



② Mercy Thompson is a car mechanic
Hey! The chin rubbing scheme worked! I just remembered something else I liked about Mercy! Yay me! So yes, I do like the fact that she's a car mechanic. That's surprisingly refreshing fact #2 for you. I don't understand why Briggs felt the need to mention she had a history degree, though. Is that supposed to make her appear more intelligent? Because car mechanics without a degree are supposed to be stupid? Huh. It doesn't add much to her character so I don't really understand what purpose it serves. Much like the "I'm religious, I go to church every Sunday, blah blah blah" side of her persona. It doesn't make much sense and doesn't really fit her character either. I don't know, the whole thing just feels weird and I don't understand where it's coming from (her foster parents? Her Pack upbringing? Huh again). It simply doesn't add up in my little head. Hey, wait a minute. This is supposed to be the cons section, right? Right. That's what I thought. Be positive Sarah, be positive. You can do this. There must be tons of other pros here.

③ Trying to think of something… Trying to think of something…
Oops, sorry. Definitely not working. Moving on.



① The boredom fest
The premise is interesting enough but the book is a big, huge YAWN. Your basic, unoriginal UF story (unoriginal, boring werewolves! Unoriginal, boring vampires! Unoriginal, boring fae! Yay! ☢ sarcasm alert ☢ (view spoiler)[← pointing this out just in case (hide spoiler)]) + WAY too many detailed descriptions of EVERYTHING + uninteresting digressions galore + slow-paced plot =



② The most resistible, lackluster, unexciting, uninspired male characters ever
Not a single harem candidate here. Not. A. One. Quite an achievement when you think that, apart from Mercy and a 15 year old kid, it's an all-male cast. Well done, Ms Briggs! I'd say that 95% of your male characters are boring as hell. Okay, I guess Zee is alright but I can't say he's that fascinating either. Stefan and his Mystery Machine might have potential but you don't get to see much of him here (and no, I won't bother with the rest of the series just to find out how hot he supposedly is). Then we have Samuel, who is not only boring but also a complete douchebag. He thinks he knows better than anyone else, too! Because, you know, he's a DOCTOR. Wow. I'm so impressed right now ☢ sarcasm alert ☢ (view spoiler)[ ← pointing this out just in case (hide spoiler)]



Anyone else not worth mentioning? You bet! Bran, the most boring Alpha ever and his buddy Adam, most boring Alpha ever #2. I swear these two must be the less imposing, awe-inspiring, frightening, fearsome Alphas in the history of Alphas. Gentlemen, may I suggest a 6-month internship at the Keep with His Furriness? I'm pretty sure it would work wonders for you and your less than intimidating personas. Have faith! Believe! You can do this! You can be scary baddasses, too! Maybe. In another life. Or something.



→ Okay, so you're wolves and not lions. Could you please stop being so ridiculously detailed-oriented for a minute? Besides, you could definitely use a little RAWR practice. Trust me on that one.

③ The Love Triangle of Death
What's worse than a Love Triangle of Death? A Love Triangle of Death with two male characters that have less personality than barnacles. Yet another outstanding achievement on Ms Brigg's part. You have to admit it really takes a lot of talent to make a love triangle yawning material. Love triangles in books tend to bring out the homicidal maniac in me and I feel the sudden urge to stab a few things whenever I come across one. But here? The love triangle is as unexciting and dull as the rest of the book. I do not give a damn about the love interests. I do not give a damn who Mercy ends up with.



Actually, I'd be more excited if she ended up dating Medea the cat. No, I am not kidding here. I mean, the cat is named Medea! Isn't that awesome in itself?! Medea rocks, people! I'm pretty sure it's Brigg's only inspired idea here. More inspired than her choosing Mercy's freaking neighbour, Adam, as a love interest. Especially since the guy acts like he's her father most of the time. But even less inspired is the idea of ridiculous Samuel wanting to have Mercy for her BABIES. GAH. GAH. GAH. ← this might remind the most ancient GR users of this. Now try to get it out of your head. You're welcome. At this point in the story I seriously considered putting a bullet through my little head. Then I got distracted because one of my eyeballs popped out of its socket after eyerolling too much. Sigh. Reading can be such a painful physical experience sometimes.

④ The emotional wasteland
Since first writing this review, I've been trying to understand why this book didn't work for me. Sure, I thought it was boring, didn't like the male characters and blah blah blah. But there was something else I couldn't put my finger on. And then last night, TADA, I saw the light! Sudden flash of inspiration and all that! I think it all comes down to the absolute flatness of it all. The characters are about as emotional as rocks. I'm pretty sure zombies have more life in them than the comatose bunch on display here. No matter what happened, I never felt anything and couldn't bring myself to care: Mercy is supposed to have conflicted feelings over Samuel? Okay, I believe you. Mercy was supposedly scared to death during the scene with the vampire mistress? If you say so. She is supposed to feel something (whatever it might me) for Adam? Sure, right, of course. No emotion, no passion, no warmth, no sympathy, no intensity, no pleasure, no pain, no excitement, NOTHING. This book is flatline paradise.



►► Okay, it's recap time here: we have one pro, another pro that is a con in disguise, and 4 cons. Sounds like a total winner to me. Bye bye, Mercy Thompson, it was nice not reading the rest of your adventures.



· Book 2: Blood Bound ★★ ← I didn't want to DNF read it! They forced me!