I bought a timer lock box for my weed pen. I will be high in 7 days and 1 minute

As someone who has been on the Internet longer than many of you have been alive, I cannot emphasise enough what a good idea it is to block fools, bores, and drama-starters ON SIGHT. That means, on the FIRST sight. See the take, do not wait.

You are not a court of law. You are not required to hear them out, argue, nor give them a second chance. Block them. Nothing bad will happen to them without you! It's fine! Goodbye forever! Prevention is better than cure.

My fellow aunties will be with me on this.

The more I think about how people complained and complained about Cole being the main character in Mortal Kombat (2021), the more upset I get. I mean it was definitely racism, right? Video game movies have been using an original character as a combo protagonist/audience stand in for the last 30 years to great success. (Alice in the Resident Evil movies comes to mind.)

Now, the sequel is suddenly going to be treating Johnny Cage as the lead, and as much as I love Karl Urban, he's such a weird choice.

They have the opportunity to do the absolute funniest thing by hiring this huge named star to play Cage, hype him up and really focus on him in all the promotional material, and then do what Mortal Kombat: Annihilation did and kill him in the first five minutes of the movie.

I like the idea in fantasy that humans are better at maintaining things long term because they set up societies or professions to do it whereas dwarves and elves and stuff are like “just get bob to do it he’s got a good few hundred years left” and then bob doesn’t teach anyone else how to do it

Elf: How have you kept this castle maintained for a thousand years if your lives are so short?

Human: We just train new people how to do it?

Elf: *gears visibly turning in their head*

Human: Are you alright?

Elf: I just realized that we didn’t have to let that whole city fall to ruin just because my grandfather died.

Human: What?

Human: Wait that’s why there’s ruins of elven cities even though you live for so long? You just keep not asking people how to do things? How do you learn anything?

Elf: There’s a lot of “you’ve got time to figure it out on your own” attitudes floating around in our society that I’m starting to question somewhat.

Elf: That sword, where did you get it?

Human: My cousin made it.

Elf: Impossible! Those metalworking techniques were lost a hundred years ago!

Human: What do you mean lost? My great-grandmother learned to make these swords from an elven smith, then taught it to her kids.

Elf: That's ridiculous. No elf would give such secrets to a human.

Human: They didn't. Meemaw delivered the metal to the forge, and no one kicked her out when she stayed and watched. She always said they barely acknowledged her even when doing business with her, like she wasn't worth noticing.

Elf: Come to think of it, my great-uncle always was rather single-minded when he started working.

Human: So he wasn't ignoring her, he just forgot she was there?

Elf: Oh, he was definitely ignoring her, too. He was super racist.

A tourist is hiking through the Scottish Highlands and stops to take a drink from a stream. 

He hears a voice call out "Dinnae drink frae that, meester, it's a' fu' o' coo piss an' shite!".

Turning, the hiker sees a Scottish shepherd leaning on a stick, and he replies "I'm terribly sorry, but could you kindly repeat that in the King's English?"

And the shepherd says "Two hands sir - cup your two hands together or you'll spill it!"

JEFF!!!!!!

i am like losing my mind at this picture my friend sent me of his stepmom’s dog. that is a dust bunny

:)

@pangur-and-grim

Beth McCarthy gives trans fan new name

Queer joy detected!

skyler white: youre a drug dealer and youve been lying to and gaslighting me this whole time about what you've been doing. i think you are an active danger to myself and this household but you refuse to move out of the house or let me receive a divorce. what do you have to say for yourself?

walt:

my knight dismissed me as his squire for shrieking “DIVA DOWN!” when he was unhorsed on the battlefield

A "salad" of radishes on the side would make this dish perfect.

You could add mozzarella pearls to the radish salad. Soften the pepperiness of radishes a little.

Do they sell mozzarella balls that small?

Yeah, they're sold as mozzarella pearls. The idea is that you can throw them into a salad, instead of shredding a normal sized mozzarella ball.

Some stores have mozzarella in a tube shape and it's firmer. You can slice pieces and put them on pizza and they keep the shape better.

Yup, balls and bricks are what I'm familiar with.

But yeah, more spheres for the sphere menu! xD

could have mochi for dessert

At the Tumblr Ball Pit Diner

Maria Skłodowska-Curie's notebooks are crazy once you think about it. They're so radioactive they have to be sealed in a lead box. Imagine a world where atomic theory is forgotten and a dude just goes "yea there's a book that details the secrets of the universe, the machinations of the creation of existence down to its barest essentials, but if you get close to it you fucking die. The more you read it the more your body slowly disassembles into mush." like wat excuse me