“Okay mr fart” and “yeah for a poop car” exist in the same realm in my mind

having one good friend can change the whole trajectory of your life for the better. if you haven’t found your people yet, may they find you soon

*test driving a car with the salesperson in the car with me* hey do you mind if i test the sound system with my music?

yeah sure go ahead

*connect my mp3 player*

*song starts and the vocals are clearly my voice*

i love crashing my car, crashing the car i'm driving is my favourite, the only thing i love more than crashing cars is crashing cars with other people in the car with me

my diva moment will have casualties

hell yeah I knew playing poker with lesbians would pay off, not a single one of 'em can keep a straight face

What happened to your clothes

i unno dawg i went all in on a full huose but now i thi,nk i'm big blind

every time someones says "hey how are you" and i say "good" and forget to add the "how about you?" i feel like i've missed a quicktime event

rule #1 of being a child soldier is to have fun and be yourself

rule #2 of being a child soldier is to feel enough overwhelming guilt to make those who made you one choke on it endlessly as if you are prometheus and they are your eagle

rule #3 of being a child soldier is to stare into the void until it stares back

YOU. YOU GET IT.

EXACTLY.

I’m sending 10 seriously enraged ants to your home

(wearing shirt and hat that say BABY KITTENS) Hi

(wearing shirt and hat that say BABY PUPPIES) Hello

Ragebaiting my fat dog? More like master baiting my fat hog!!!!!!!!

❗️Great Hog is displeased by this.

The kingly pig looks taken aback by this statement. "You claim to be 'baiting' our kind?.. A master of it, no less - after all the trust we hsve placed in you?"

- Your relationship with the Hog Society 🐖 is now Unfavourable.

3 cookies deep and it all starts to make sense

Cup of milk and i start moving like neo

nobody in the entire world has ever known what to do with me