i'm in this funny situation where, by any "normal" definition of the concept, i'm absolutely not doing well. like i'm unemployed and rapidly running out of money, my studying is going piss poorly, house is perpetually messy and all that, ducks are generally misaligned if you catch my drift. but then on a personal level i'm actually feeling pretty damn good about how things are going, you know. strange way to be and really idk what to do about it.
i'm gonna have to perform normalcy to a degree and get a job and stuff, and everybody keeps telling me that That's The Thing I Should Aspire To but. i kinda don't? like parents and such are all like "oh but your life will be so chill once you have a job" but i don't buy it. sure, i'll find something i like doing, but in the end there's always gonna be some dip shit expecting me to do things for them, for their profit margin.
i think the point is that i think someone should pay me to be a weird guy who likes to learn about interesting things but that's not considered "productive" by broader society so i guess i'll go fuck myself or something. i need this whole notion of "things are only worth doing if they make you/someone else money" to fucking die already. like hell, even the most "weird guy who learns about things" jobs also come with a shitload of begging other assholes for money. like applying for grants and shit. fuck that and fuck you!
oh and the best part, of course, is that my options are either grit my teeth and bear it or fuckin starve out on the streets. that's fucking lovely. this is a lovely economic system we've got here. i love having to quite literally sell myself to even be able to live.