yes... ha ha ha... yes!

I love using my phone in public surely I will not scroll past some strange image

*the second someone walks behind me*

Okay, but this does make the meme into a trilogy.

The Panama Canal

shout out to the mutuals ive never spoken to. i am sitting in the same room as you doing my arts and craft while you read your book. we are vibing and chilling.

whenever you take too much time to write something know it is because stephen king has been stealing your life force

Saw this tweet foever ago n now i keep thinkin bout how making any character ever Canadian is funny as fuck. Theyre all canadian now

being online is so scary aren't you guys worried about the world wide spider

“Of course we’re in love, that’s why i tried to shoot you” “if you really loved me you wouldn’t have missed” is such a raw ass line you would think it comes from Goncharov (1973) and you would be right

it is absolutely essential to have friends you can have extremely insane pervert conversations with. this is kind of what makes life worth living

probably no one else finds this funny and I’m driving away my friends a fraction of a percent at a time every time I do it, but I think the height of comedy is when you react to an emoji with the same emoji in a chat medium that permits this

literally

to escalate this, react with multiple versions of the same emote because nine different servers all have it available:

i hate when men complain about women’s body hair, even like the fine hair on their backs. go fuck a shark if you wanna have sex with something hairless

#shark skin is actually covered in tiny barbs #aka teeth #they are literally a swimming tooth

I suddenly have the urge to grate cheese on a great white

wouldn’t that make the shark a

grate white

This post got weird

This post started with fucking hairless sharks. Weird wasn’t a destination so much as a jumping off point.

I’ve never been so surprised not to encounter the word “smooth” in a text post

the classic roll onto side and sleep for two more hours trick - ill try it now!

i wake up and ten thousand years have passed. i dreamt of watching a light rain fall onto a stormy sea. theres nothing left of anything.

I think someone should give me the death penalty I think it would be funny

this is what it looks like when i kiss my little cat's head