✩ hello universe ✩

about me

☽ 21 y/o college student in the pnw

☽ queer + transmasc (he/they)

☽ no dni's, just proceed at your own risk and don't be a dick

☽ i post about my life and things that i like. see featured tags for what i've been into lately

my tags

☽ sandwich posting: i was intoxicated when i wrote this

☽ cryptic posting: this is a diary entry that should not be on the internet, but it’s probably completely incoherent so it’s okay. sometimes i also tag these posts as poetry

☽ cullen's craft diary: this is all my little projects and things

☽ another sticker for the journal: i am decorating my blog with this post

☽ woah cool guy alert: music stats i think are cool and interesting

☽ me and my pookies: posts about my polycule <3 <3 <3 <3

☽ cullen is so buff: i lift weights and i like to brag about it

other socials

✩ finch friend code: J1ESBQ9NYX

✩ username couldbecullen on letterboxd, airbuds, ao3

nerds gummy clusters hashtag cullens clusters hashtag my clusters

drinking vodka tonight and thinking of him hashtag heated rivalry hashtag my blorbos hashtag yaoi

guys i’m gonna crash out so hard. it’s the first week of the term and it feels like week 7. and the government is kidnapping and killing people in broad daylight. and i cant afford basic living expenses without cutting out everything that brings me joy. and there is no escape from it all because it’s all everywhere all the time. why does anyone do anything ever

here's a crisis i'm having that maybe someone else on here has experience with. if not its just a vent and maybe will be an interesting read idk. anyways

i am graduating university in the spring and to apply for graduation, i have to decide what name i want on my diploma. i am trans and cullen isn't my legal name, and i've only been going by it publicly for a few months, but i really like it and can see myself keeping it long term. but also, since it's not my legal name, and since my diploma could be considered a legal document, does it have to match my other records? like if i am being onboarded for a job that needs to see my degree and it has the name i go by but its different from my other legal documents, is that gonna be an issue? but like i reallllllly dont want my diploma to have my deadname on it. after all the money im spending to get it, it had better have the name i fucking want on it

but if i do put my deadname on there and change my name legally down the road, will i have to get my diploma fixed to my new name, and is that gonna be a total bitch to do? frankly i'd like to avoid ever having to talk to my university again once i graduate, and i fear that i'm setting myself up for failure in that regard but putting a name on there that i dont like. but also i dont think i can put cullen on there!!!!! fuck!!!!! help!! any pointers anyone?

edit: another aspect of this i forgot to mention: i also have been really hesitant to take legal or medical action over being trans because of the political climate we are in currently in the usa. im hesitant to start taking testosterone or to change my sex or name legally because i dont want to institutionally identifiable as trans, at least not right now, for my own safety. this is another reason why it would be wisest and safest to use my deadname on my diploma, but again i Dont Want To Fuckimg Do That. i guess this is just one of the many places where being trans is frustrating and theres no winning!!!! hahahahahahaha