if you get invited to join the demon lords Four Heavenly Kings but get assigned General Of Elemental Earth you need to get the fuck out of there NOW. they really do NOT give a FUCK about you. they’ll have you posted up in some fucking cave in the mountains or desert with some kind of big ass gem or key or weapon and the shittiest lackeys they can kind. Fuck maybe they were already hanging out in the cave to begin with. The other four heavenly kings are not going to fuck with you either. They’re all strong as fuck with crazy magic and like sexy and they’re all in fucking towers and spires and manors and temples and shit and you won’t get any of that. You won’t have it nearly as good. They just expect you to fling around mud and dirt at the hero like you’re the fucking general of Poo. You might as well be. They’ll laugh about it too. They could not give less of a fuck about you bro. Even if you get the lord over the new world they’re going to give you the swamps or some shit meanwhile General of Elemental Water gets the entire goddamn ocean. It’s not like you can expect your boss the Demonic King of Elemental Darkness to give you everywhere there’s Earth. That shit’s never going to happen. It’s just not fair. They look at you like you’re some kind of barefoot earth spirit. You’re a heavenly king too

if vampires existed in real life i think there would be shady companies advertising "organic blood" sourced from "willing donors" who are coincidentally all poor people being paid like $5 per blood donation. and like haughty vegan vampires who only drink a synthetic blood drink thats brewed in a way thats actively worse for the enviroment. and radical traditionalist vampires who go on tiktok and claim that true alpha chads have to drain and kill people and anyone who leaves their victims alive is a liberal cuck. enter the world of hypothetical insufferable vampire politics with me.

and the nominees for best picture are: "sinners"... "one battle after another"... "marty supreme"... "ragebaiting my fat dog pt 20"

youd think a band named violent femmes would be made up of violent femmes. but it isnt. its dudes

genuinely no mary... the australian dollar is not doing great right now

i need to type with more of an accent

youse may bloody reckon a band name of violent femmes'd be a buncha sheilas after a couple bundy cokes. but it aint. packa blokes.

GEEKED

LOCKED IN

when I tell u I had to scroll a week back in my twitter likes to find this video bc I genuinely couldn’t sleep until I did

"hogwash" still one of the best words ever. this shit is so unbelievable its pig water

when i was 18 i used to go to plant parenthood for my testosterone with my mom and the protesters outside would yell at me like i was there helping my mom get an abortion

imagining we both walk in but then my mom leaves alone

the cambrian period was like 10 years ago

kitten if you don't get daddy his 3D printed sensory slug in the next five seconds you can kiss your grandma's drywall goodbye

This was supposed to be unrebloggable, but I was flying into a gamer rage at the antique store because someone was wearing too much Victoria's Secret Love Spell body spray and it gave me a migraine.