For about a month now, my sleep schedule has changed. I go to bed very early and wake up in the early morning hours, about an hour before sunrise. I no longer use Tumblr for more than an hour or less. I don't try to send messages to anyone, I don't talk to anyone, and I have no motivation to ask for help from anyone, and I don't know why. Before the war, our life was relatively stable. We had a small, modest house where we lived a simple life. We loved our house very much; I built it brick by brick and bought its furniture piece by piece. For ten years, I tried to save money to buy the most important things until our house was almost finished about a month before the war began. I didn't have a stable job and I accepted any job that brought me a little money. Sometimes I worked in my field of study as a social worker for a while, and when my work was over, I worked in construction. I learned the trade of building houses from my father and I was a skilled worker at it because, since I was a child, I had worked with my father in construction during the summer holidays after the school year ended. In both jobs, I didn't earn much money, so my biggest ambition was It's about securing food for a week, buying a few other basic necessities for my family, paying a deposit for a refrigerator or washing machine, or considering buying a new appliance on installments.
That's how we lived. We accepted little and lived day by day. I don't recall ever having more than $500 in all the 11 years I've been married.
Now, more than two years after the war on Gaza!!!
Life has been turned upside down. Most of the residents of this impoverished strip have suffered countless disasters and immense losses. My family and I find ourselves in the middle. We survived two direct bombings, and when I remember this, I feel immense joy at having survived. But this feeling vanishes and flips completely when I remember that our home, which sheltered us, was completely destroyed.
It seems this cursed war left us alive, but something inside us has died. Happiness has died, stability has died, security has vanished, and securing food now requires immense hardship and countless compromises. Even a little rain has become one of the biggest challenges we face!!! I don't know if I've become mentally ill, especially since I used to advise people on how to overcome psychological and social crises, given my work in the humanitarian field.
Everything has become complicated and seemingly without solutions. Unfortunately, we have no options; we're forced to live as best we can, unable to change anything. We just wait for what happens next, as if we're living in a large prison, eating what's given to us, living in a designated space, and sleeping because the sun has set. I went to sleep around 8 PM today, and I want to tell you that, as usual, I woke up at 1 AM to another nightmare. I don't know why these nightmares haunt me every night, as if sadness refuses to leave me even in my sleep! My friends and brothers,
We are suffering from a humanitarian, social, economic, and political catastrophe, and it seems we will continue to suffer, and it seems our lives will end while we are still suffering. But the only thing I think about most now, and what I hope to do everything I can for, is my young children. The moments of happiness and stability in my life are over, but I hope my children will live a better life. So please, for their sake, don't abandon us. Please, they are my other chance, the life I will never live, but the most important one. This is the end of my message. So please help us.
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