hello and welcome to year six (!) of my Very Official ratings of various chanukah menorabilia I've found across the internet this year! fear not I have selected only the very worst best for you. prepare your eyeballs.
sure I guess the number of menorah branches is optional. so is accurate hebrew on dreidels. for the one holiday that involves neither wine nor torah readings those sure do pop up a lot. 5/10 glad to be back in the land of the boob donuts
welcome to whose dreidel is it anyway where the rules are made up and the letters don't matter. I'm going to wipe my mouth on this napkin so I can stop looking at it. which is a shame because otherwise this would be very cute. 4/10 hebrew is not some ancient indecipherable writing on a cavewall somewhere in france
I'll allow the non-kosher menorah for the sake of the wholesome interfaith dogs. this relationship won't last long since that wooden door Will be catching fire in the next few minutes. 6/10 even santa looks concerned
I'm a sucker for funky socks and these are definitely fun. though I'm not sure what challah is doing there. or the wine. or the torahs. or the- wait.
try to use a honey dipper to fill your oil menorah and see how far that gets you. now you're sticky AND a fire hazard. 6/10 did you know every jewish holiday is actually also every jewish holiday
I think my eyes are bleeding. I'm retconning this motherfucker: the matzah is obviously there in case the reindeer gets hungry. the torah is there because he's converting. the christmas trees are just his natural environment. -613/10 I'm shocked the menorah is kosher but considering everything else they probably stumbled upon that by accident.
you may have heard of the four sons of passover but have you met the four geese of chanukah? Their names are Menorah, Dreidel, Latke, and Gentile Ally. 8/10 the letters on that dreidel are just the sounds you make when you cough
they called this Hanukkah Hank but I just call it a hate crime. even his kippah knows what it's really meant to be. no self-respecting inflatable jewish character would have a detached mustache. 4/10 there's a chabad rabbi somewhere who would love this
okay can we have woodland creatures chanukah every year please. I feel at peace just looking at this. the gazelle jumping for joy is how it feels to nat20 three gimmels in a row during dreidel. this is something I didn't even know I needed in my life. 10/10 nature therapy works every time


