One thing my partner and I often talk about is how this lifetime likely isn't any different than the lifetimes of our kintypes - which is to say, this lifetime is probably *also* represented as a piece of media in other worlds.

Lately we have been half-joking that it's a web comic or a light novel with the isekai gimmick "reincarnated in the human world with 30 souls!" or something like that.

You can't fake something unintentionally or unconsciously.

Faking an experience is done with full knowledge and conscious intent on your part of what you are doing.

If something is happening to you unintentionally, if you are doing something and unconsciously, you are having a legitimate experience of some kind.

If you're faking something, you're doing it deliberately. Faking something isn't something that just happens to you. An experience is something that just happens to you.

Being from an ongoing manga is a hell I would not wish on anybody.

Wildest fictionkin experience as a writer for me, is when, after I've spent a long time writing fic about my kintypes, I go to work on something for a fandom unrelated to me, and remember that... I actually have to do the work to make stuff up instead of just remembering events and feelings.

As a fictionkin/fictive, it's the highest honor and stamp of approval when I reblog someone's OC x Canon art about me.

Whenever someone compliments the character writing in my fanfiction, and the character they're complimenting is myself, it's like I've gotten a good grade in 'being me'.

Another day where I'm reminded that my soul is deeply incompatible with the human animal body.

It's really hard to be a person that so many people claim to love as a character, but when it comes down to it you feel like so few of those people who claim to love 'you' actually understand you as a person.

In my heart I am still there.

In my heart I will always be there.

Memory issues are funny because tbh I remember the details of my life here just as well and just as poorly as I remember the details of my kin/fictive lives.

There are actually a lot of kin memories that are way clearer than memories here.

The thing about being from a marvel universe is that time was just as fucky internally as it appears externally.

The christmases in that lifetime between 1988 and 1992 were some of the most impactful in all my lives, but I couldn't tell you how many of them there were.

You'd think the answer would be easy-- 4-- but no. The answer could be anywhere from 1-10 or more, and that number probably actively changed during the time I was still living in that universe.

The fallibility of memory across lifetimes is infuriating. It's the same as the fallibility of memory in one life, but so, so much worse. I hate just having fragments. I hate being uncertain.

I don't want to guess at the details of my life; I want to know. I want to remember it right.

Sometimes when your source's canon gets new material it feels like that's the worst thing that could happen to you.

When the shift hits you and suddenly your inner monologue has your kintype's VA and intonation.

*sees insane spoilers for my (still ongoing) source material*

*have to take a moment to remind myself that my timeline went differently and the canon isn't real and can't hurt me.*

deep breaths.

The reality of being fictionkin or a fictive is that sometimes you'll be sitting there, staring off into space, reliving the moment of your brutal death, and then you'll get up and go into the kitchen and eat a cookie.

The mirror has harmed me once again.