me: ah nooo i accidentally cut myself. come look at this cut

my haemophiliac friend: you know that's not what it means right?

Listen kitten, mommy REALLY needs to caramelize four pounds of onions in a huge pot. Mommy isn't sure if this is a sex thing for her just yet but she will keep you updated.

I feel like shit, I need to ask Daniel Molloy to come cuddle me because I'm having a pain flare up and for him to say, "Not right now, honey, I need to finish this chapter" without looking up from his laptop

Continuing this fantasy as a coping strategy. I am threatening to puke on his laptop and this is finally getting me some attention. He is suggesting that I might sit under his desk while he finishes writing and I am pathetically pleased to be allowed to do so. I am however requiring that he make me a cup of ginger tea first. And while it is clear he has accomplished this using a microwave, I am now very happily sipping tea while sitting under his desk and nuzzling his leg. Maybe I even get a little head pat.

"Allllright, that'll do it for today."

*Closes laptop, looks down at me over his glasses*

"Hey, kiddo. You know what helps with pain?"

I do know. It's orgasms. This will lead to me sucking his dick.

He gives me one of his prescription ondansetrons to help with the nausea before we start, which is very thoughtful of him.

hope the slutty bisexual boys are having a good day, hope they’re doing good

My abortion was really one the most hated kind of abortion. I wasn't underage. I wasn't raped. I wasn't in medical need.

I got pregnant not through some fluke or 1 in a 100 contraceptive failure. I got pregnant because I was knowingly and willfully having unprotected sex. Out of wedlock too if that matters.

It was my own fault, I was being irresponsible because I knew I could always get an abortion if I got pregnant. My abortion was as close as it comes to 'using abortion as a contraceptive' as anti-choicers love to say.

I didn't abort it because my health was in danger or because I didn't have the ability to care for it or whatever else. I did it purely because I didn't want a child. I wanted sex and I didn't want to deal with any consequences from it.

There's no moral here. I don't feel bad about it whatsoever. I suffered no karmic consequences or punishment from god. My life is amazing. I want to rub this in the face of every conservative and anti-choicer. I did the terrible thing. I had an abortion for the most selfish of reasons and literally nothing happened. Suck it.

fingers in her bloody mouth sunday let's get this trending

hit the gas kill ‘em all x

From earlier this semester when I was going crazy from stress so I’d draw Frerard pup play as a coping mechanism before I’d go to bed

she lets me hit because she hasnt memorized my attack patterns

i like nice people and insane perverts, two categories with a lot more overlap than i was led to believe

Fuck Zeitgeist and Weltschmerz, the german word everyone should know is Männergrippe

one needs to schlender from time to time. flanier even

Me when I'm old as fuck and my grandkids talk to me: this reminds me of a post. I gotta go find the post

Grandkids: grandpa sit down you don't need to show us a post

Me: (not listening) Now where was that post....

the worst part about being an adult is that no matter how sad you get, the show must go on.