We live in the dumbest, lamest cyberpunk dystopia possible.

So LA has been — and continues to — protest against ICE. These protests haven’t gotten any smaller or lost any momentum, but social media wasn’t reflecting it.

TikTok users, realizing that the platform/other social media are censoring/deleting/shadowbanning these protest videos, decided to find a workaround.

They’re calling it the LA Music Festival. Ice detention centers and other protest locations are “stages.” The hottest band is Rage Against the Machine. “Here’s what gear you should be bringing to stay safe at the LA Music Festival.”

And it fucking worked.

TikTok has become a proving ground for a lot of new music, meaning lots of labels and organizations have lucrative deals with TikTok to promote their new artists and music festivals. So they absolutely cannot censor the words “music festival” or train the algorithm to ignore it, or they risk endangering that very important revenue.

So now protest videos are flooding feeds again, but it’s the LA 24/7 Music Festival. Truly an incredible timeline we’ve landed in.

Tigers with a frozen milk brick on a hot day

needless to say they are hopelessly dependent on the ingot

yes ghost is the scariest looking member of the 141, but price is the one that i wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. he's unpredictable because he's constantly switching between morality and military as the guide to his actions. he's loyal as hell but also willing to cut ties whenever someone doesn't serve him anymore. he's committed to the greater good but his definition of what the greater good is isn't solid. he's insubordinate. he has connections. so yeah, ghost might be scary, but he does what he's told. price does not.

I am going to kill [remembers suicide jokes are bad] a healthcare executive [remembers the fbi exists] haha just kidding [remembers that tumblr hates posers] but maybe I’m not [remembers The Alamo] The Alamo

Legolas pretty quickly gets in the habit of venting about his travelling companions in Elvish, so long as Gandalf & Aragorn aren’t in earshot they’ll never know right?

Then about a week into their journey like

Legolas: *in Elvish, for approximately the 20th time* ugh fucking hobbits, so annoying

Frodo: *also in Elvish, deadpan* yeah we’re the worst

Legolas:

~*~earlier~*~

Legolas: ugh fucking hobbits

Merry: Frodo what’d he say

Frodo: I’m not sure he speaks a weird dialect but I think he’s insulting us. I should tell him I can understand Elvish

Merry: I mean you could do that but consider

Merry: you can only tell him ONCE

Frodo: Merry. You’re absolutely right. I’ll wait.

#legolas’ hick accent vs #frodo’s ‘i learned it out of a book’ accent #FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Legolas: umm well your accent is horrible

Aragorn: *hollering from a distance* HIS ACCENT IS BETTER THAN YOURS LEGOLAS YOU SILVAN HICK

Frodo: :)

Frodo: Hello. My name is Frodo. I am a Hobbit. How are you?

Legolas: y’alld’ve’ff’ve

Frodo, crying: please I can’t understand what you’r saying

Ok, but Frodo didn’t just learn out of a book. He learned like… Chaucerian Elvish. So actually:

Frodo: Good morrow to thee, frend. I hope we twain shalle bee moste excellente companions.

Legolas: Wots that mate? ‘Ere, you avin’ a giggle? Fookin’ ‘obbits, I sware.

Aragorn: *laughing too hard to walk*

@ghostriderofthearagon

dYinGggGggg…

i mean, honestly it’s amazing the Elves had as many languages and dialects as they did, considering Galadriel (for example) is over seven thousand years old.

english would probably have changed less since Chaucer’s time, if a lot of our cultural leaders from the thirteenth century were still alive and running things.

they’ve had like. seven generations since the sun happened, max. frodo’s books are old to him, but outside any very old poetry copied down exactly, the dialect represented in them isn’t likely to be older than the Second Age, wherein Aragorn’s foster-father Elrond started out as a very young adult and grew into himself, and Legolas’ father was born.

so like, three to six thousand years old, maybe, which is probably a drop in the bucket of Elvish history judging by all the ethnic differentiation that had time to develop before Ungoliant came along, even if we can’t really tell because there weren’t years to count, before the Trees were destroyed.

plus a lot of Bilbo’s materials were probably directly from Elrond, whose library dates largely from the Third Age, probably, because he didn’t establish Imladris until after the Last Alliance. and Elrond isn’t the type to intentionally help Bilbo learn the wrong dialect and sound sillier than can be helped, even if everyone was humoring him more than a little.

so Frodo might sound hilariously formal for conversational use (though considering how most Elves use Westron he’s probably safe there) and kind of old-fashioned, but he’s not in any danger of being incomprehensible, because elves live on such a ridiculous timescale.

to over-analyse this awesome and hilarious post even more, legolas’ grandfather was from linguistically stubborn Doriath and their family is actually from a somewhat different, higher-status ethnic background than their subjects.

so depending on how much of a role Thranduil took in his upbringing (and Oropher in his), Legolas may have some weird stilted old-fashioned speaking tics in his Sindarin that reflect a more purely Doriathrin dialect rather than the Doriathrin-influenced Western Sindarin that became the most widely spoken Sindarin long before he was born, or he might have a School Voice from having been taught how to Speak Proper and then lapse into really obscure colloquial Avari dialect when he’s being casual. or both!

considering legolas’ moderately complicated political position, i expect he can code-switch.

…it’s also fairly likely considering the linguistic politics involved that Legolas is reasonably articulate in Sindarin, though with some level of accent, but knows approximately zero Quenya outside of loanwords into Sindarin, and even those he mostly didn’t learn as a kid.

which would be extra hilarious when he and gimli fetch up in Valinor in his little homemade skiff, if the first elves he meets have never been to Middle Earth and they’re just standing there on the beach reduced to miming about what is the short beard person, and who are you, and why.

this is elvish dialects and tolkien, okay. there’s a lot of canon material! he actually initially developed the history of middle-earth specifically to ground the linguistic development of the various Elvish languages!

Legolas: Alas, verily would I have dispatched thine enemy posthaste, but y’all’d’ve pitched a feckin’ fit.

Aragorn: *eyelid twitching*

Frodo: *frantically scribbling* Hang on which language are you even speaking right now

Pippin, confused: Is he not speaking Elvish?

Frodo, sarcastically: I dunno, are you speaking Hobbit?

Boromir, who has been lowkey pissed-off at the Hobbits’ weird dialect this whole time: That’s what it sounds like to me.

Merry, who actually knows some shit about Hobbit background: We are actually speaking multiple variants of the Shire dialect of Westron, you ignorant fuck.

Sam, a mere working-class country boy: Honestly y'all could be talkin Dwarvish half the time for all I know.

Pippin, entering Gondor and speaking to the castle steward: hey yo my man

Boromir, from beyond the grave: j e s u s

Tolkien would be SO PROUD of this post

It got better

there may come a day when i do not reblog this post, but it is NOT THIS DAY

wandered into pennies for some food between errands. Did y'all know all you can eat hot dogs exist in Toronto??

They start you with 4 dogs and a side of tater tots, sling you two sauce and topping caddies, then you can just keep ordering. You're supposed to get a drink with the meal but it doesn't have to be alcoholic

i am full of hot dogs and a not inconsiderable amount of regret but if allowed to do so again i dont think i'd make a different decision

i have fucked up and I have now come back to consciousness post-"nap" at 4am 😬

#oh the place is called pennies#I thought you unexpectedly got some money and were spending it on food

to be fair this is how i will often spend tax returns

Here's the thing, you can have the same amount of hot dogs n tater tots at home for cheaper, BUT most of the time you will not be experiencing them in a nice low light bar with a funky self serve popcorn cart, 20 gal fish tank with goldfish in it to stare at, and a cool lady serving you various silly cocktails so it's entirely how much you value the vibes vs the cost of eating six hot dogs in one sitting

stop asking ai for advice and start asking bitches with tarot cards to read your future

Everyone's all "ohhh 2026 bring back physical media" until I start talking illuminated manuscripts and then suddenly we're not on the same page anymore

Actually we are on the same page. We've been on the same page for a week because these things take forever to make

@theshitpostcalligrapher

LISTEEEENNNNN

every single one of these messages tabs represents a commissioner getting their illuminated manuscripts worked on, its not MY fault if the executives have not only refused to function, i think they're out to golf rn

(current person is getting three separate biblical pieces done as part of a wedding gift, each fully illuminated and over 600 characters per piece)

Good news! Elementary schoolers of the modern day still believe this is part of vanilla minecraft. I have borne firsthand witness to these discussions.

the folkloric gate to heaven requires journeying to hell to get its building material

yo what's the handle of the fancy calligraphy guy can we get them over here that's a line

@theshitpostcalligrapher

oh good i needed a warmup piece

#listen i dont mean to be that guy but#you can make glowstone by using glowstone dust#and witches drop glowstone dust#no hell needed

buddy not to be a ridiculous nerd about it but you realize that seeking out dark magic users to kill them and pry potion ingredients out of their dead, cold hands isn't exactly non-hellish behavior? maybe the journey to hell is internal idk your playstyle

The only limit on a wizards power is how fast they can clearly speak their incantations. You feel incredibly lucky. Coming from a long line of auctioneers, speaking fast and clear is your forte.

i dont want to be in a fandom that critisizes the choices of fictional characters like they are human beings. i want to see THEORY and ANALYSIS and STORY STRUCTURE and CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!! I WANT PARALLELS AND MOTIFS AND VISUAL CUES!!! They're not REAL they are TOOLS so stop acting like they are people who made bad choices and should be punished. of course they made bad choices!!! that shit is funny and cool to watch!!

everyone who interacts with a post on my blog is entered into a secret lottery wherein a winner is randomly chosen for me to go thru their blog for a minute or two. thanks for playing, everyone

if i had a dick i would love to have a disappointing orgasm in the shower while thinking of something or someone that i felt i should not be thinking about & then stand under the water with my forehead against a wall watching the proof of my guilt & shame go down the drain

The insight I get into the female mind thanks to this website is amazing.

not a female 👍

pause everybody take notes. real trans ally

Just fyi, all the shirts and hoodies you're stealing? I'm gonna fuck you in all of them.

jeez these gap employees are hardcore

Bear hybrid!price who is slaving away in the kitchen when winter rolls around.

He is determined to make this a good hibernation for everyone, even if he has to cook enough for five soldiers to actually pack on weight. No, he doesn't care that none of the hybrids in his team are bears, they're getting food.

Juicy steak, grilled tuna, salmon, anything they ask for. Price is glowing with pride when he notices the soft pudge everyone puts on.

...except you. No matter what price offers, you don't eat more than a modest plate full.

It's not until you gently remind him "I'm a raccoon, sir. I can't eat alot of meat." That it clicks, quickly followed by shame for not knowing that.

Which is how you end up with a bowl of various fruits, berries, and nuts at the next dinner. More food than you've ever seen. Price rumbles with delight when he sees you finish off the food, and eagerly piles on seconds. You, the smallest of the team, surely need the extra.

Not because your species is the smallest...definitely not.

John “I use my authority and age as a weapon against my men” Price who infantilizes them because it’s efficient. “Kid.” “Son.” said to them in the way you speak to something you’ve already decided doesn’t get a vote. The age gap becomes a blunt instrument: he’s older, therefore right; they’re younger, therefore still learning. Any dissent is reframed as immaturity, any frustration as proof that they’re not ready to understand the weight he carries.

He justifies his cruelty with experience. Says he’s seen more coffins, buried more friends, made harder calls. Uses that history like a shield and a cudgel: this hurts because it has to, I’m harsh because the world is harsher. If you push back, you’re not principled, you’re petulant. If you question him, you’re a child chafing at rules you don’t yet grasp.

Price who believes age doesn’t just grant authority but sanctifies it.

Vs

Younger Reader who’s only response is a flat, unbothered: “Okay, boomer.”

measure once cut also once, no prablem

concept for a vcarving project

no i get you this was perfectly centered when i wrote it

I have done the cross stitch