you gotta have freaks and gross weirdos in your life it’s imperative to understanding the truth of humanity
Only child Barty watching Pandora and Evan almost tear each other to shreds over some stupid argument, horrified despite the shit he's seen, just for Regulus to come up next to him and nod solemnly "yup, I get them, Sirius threw me out a window when we were kids"
i love that hockey players can just decide to dual
evan is an artist. you cant convince me otherwise.
he'll be in history of magic and just be doodling barty's hands or smth in the margins of his notes
I feel like he'd be big on drawing hands, specifically barty's
james potter's love language is just all of them combined if im being honest
Pandora rosier the hoarder that you are
Regulus:
James:
Lily: Remus:
Sirius:
James to Peter:
Remus & Regulus:
Rosekiller:
James to Regulus/Lily:
Sirius:
Sirius:
Remus:
my barty crouch jr. headcanons - part 2
i'm sick in bed, so here we go...
-> part 1 (the baseline stuff)
- if barty was an era, he'd be the 2000s (let me elaborate: my guy definitely watched one too many episodes of "jackass" and knocked out one of his front teeth trying to ride a shopping cart over a curb; yes, evan was the one pushing the cart)
- barty desperately wants to be a skater, but he's actually extremely bad at anything physical and he has zero patience to practice. either, he's good at something from the get go or he loses interest within 0.5 seconds (because he's only gifted when it comes to using his brains)
- he gets super annoyed with evan (because evan is really good at any (any) physical activity) when he manages to lands a kickflip on his first try, and barty, unable to control his
emotionsanger issues, breaks the fucking board - barty thinks he's sooo fucking
edgycool; he only listens to metal, rock, punk, alternative music; he openly hates hip hop, rap, pop anything mainstream (and thinks everyone who does is annoying (evan) and stupid (james) and boring (lily), but he secretly listens to eminem and thinks christina aguilera is hot) (and yes, nsync was on the back of that xtina poster in his room, and he definitely turned it over more often than he should have to stare at justin timberlake) - he wanted to play in a band so fucking bad and has persuaded his parents to pay for guitar lessons when he was 9, but the kid is absolutely tone deaf and can't keep rhythm to save his life. (he went every week for 6 years, he can read and write music notation, but his skills to actually play don't go beyond a very poor rendition of “house of the rising sun”
- barty rocked the “frosted tips spiky hair” way beyond the point where it was cool
- in general, he's a huge nerd, he actually enjoys learning and knowing things and he's into all the nerdy stuff: physics is his favorite subject, he reads fantasy books, watches sci-fi movies, he likes video games and collecting stuff like trading cards, miniatures and comic books (however, he despises marvel and makes fun of james for liking spider man; if anything, he sees himself as a dc kinda guy…)
- he's so full of shit and annoying about the things he likes, let me explain: he was a huge "the lord of the rings" fan. he read the books when he was still far too young and even gave a presentation about them in second grade (the other children made colorful posters about actual children's books), and this kid went on about how lotr was an allegory for the world war. then later when the movies came out and lotr became mainstream, he told everyone how much he hated that shit (he went to the cinema 8 times to see fellowship)
- as a teenager (after he started smoking weed) he made it his personal mission to watch every stoner film ever made (and he forced evan and reg to watch them with him, at some point reg dropped out, but james, remus and marlene joined in) they'd get high every sunday in their dorm order takeout and watch a movie (and yes, once on halloween he forced evan to dress up as jay and silent bob; barty was jay and evan was, obviously, silent bob)
- what was that? do i hc barty as audhd? yes, your honor, yes i do.
(the fun family stuff at some point in part 3)
-> complementary reading: my evan rosier headcanons
[Barty unconsciously licked his finger to wipe some dirt off James’s face]
James: [winces] Crouch? What the hell are you doing?
Barty: Did I just…
Barty: [gasps] Oh, god. I’m my mother. This is horrible.
Barty: And I’ve been trying so hard not to be my father.
Barty: I did not see this coming.
I feel like theyre not even wizards anymore theyre just dead and gay