one elf cigarette, husbanded carefully, can burn for 3 or 4 human generations. my boy your great grandpappy bummed this ciggie from the leaf-crowned prince of the splendid dales and it has burned on the mantle of our house ever since. on your 14th nameday, my son, you will puff it at last, and become a man

dwarf methamphetamine

"dwarf meth" is actually a human misnomer, the substance so named is not a drug that is cooked but is actually a mineral that is mined pure from terrifically deep sedimentary rocks. dwarven geologists say that the veins were deposited at the world's beginning, when the dwarven god of craft and ingenuity spilled a whole batch of meth

and -- before you ask -- gnome fentanyl is sugar

can confirm

you are tearing this gneighborhood apart

i'm begging you guys to start pirating shit from streaming platforms. there are so many websites where you can stream that shit for free, here's a quick HOW TO:

1) Search for: watch TITLE OF WORK free online

2) Scroll to the bottom of results. Click any of the "Complaint" links

3) You will be taken to a long list of links that were removed for copyright infringement. Use the 'find' function to search for the name of the show/movie you were originally searching for. You will get something like this (specifics removed because if you love an illegal streaming site you don't post its url on social media)

4) each of these links is to a website where you can stream shit for free. go to the individual websites and search for your show/movie. you might have to copy-paste a few before you find exactly what you're looking, but the whole process only takes a minute. the speed/quality is usually the same as on netflix/whatever, and they even have subtitles! (make sure to use an adblocker though, these sites are funded by annoying popups)

In conclusion, if you do this often enough you will start recognizing the most dependable websites, and you can just bookmark those instead. (note: this is completely separate from torrenting, which is also a beautiful thing but requires different software and a vpn)

you can also download the media in question (look for a "download" button built into the video window, or use a browser extension such as Video DownloadHelper.)

if the "Complaint" links are not visible for you:

#0252 - #254

Treecko, Grovyle, Sceptile

Rolls to Alarm Your Players

Want to spice the game up? Why not try alarming your players for no real reason? Make sure to make a show out of counting the dice before you roll.

Making your way in the world today takes everything you got

I Got Denied Disability

So after over a year, I got denied Disability, despite being unable to work pretty much any normal job. As is, I'm fucked, financially speaking. My current income is around $65 a month from Patreon, and my current credit cards (which are maxed out at ~$2000 and ~$3000 respectively) have a minimum payment of around $135 a month total.

I currently feel completely and utterly hopeless, and have no idea what, if anything, I can fucking do. I was banking so much on this because it was literally my one shot in the dark hope, and now it's been dashed. At best, I can try again and hear back in another year and a half, by which point I'll probably have fucking starved to death or died of exposure.

So uh, hey, if anyone wants to help, like comment and subscribe to my shit please. If you have Twitch Prime (which you have if you have Amazon Prime), you can subscribe to me on Twitch once a month for free. I have a Patreon (https://www.patreon.com/mixtercasual) as mentioned, as well as a Ko-Fi (https://ko-fi.com/mixtercasual) if you can throw me a few bucks or subscribe or whatever.

If you can't help financially, which I fucking get, literally liking and commenting and subscribing helps me get seen and feeds The Algorithm. Follow me on Twitch (https://www.twitch.tv/mixtercasual) or check out my Youtube channel (https://www.youtube.com/projectyayhem). Share my content so that more people can see it and maybe I'll start getting ad deals for Raid Shadow Legends or some shit. At the very least, seeing people follow and comment and stuff gives me a much-needed morale boost, and is greatly appreciated.

Okay depressed begging over. Have a good one, y'all

I'm still very much struggling with money, so I've decided to add another side hustle. Feel free to join me over at Startplaying.games where I'm hosting a spooky Pathfinder 1e game (https://startplaying.games/adventure/clkahdpd2000908l30gp74x0b) or a culty D&D 5e game (https://startplaying.games/adventure/clkd8n5gt000308kw4d8z9vr7)! No experience, dice, or paper necessary!

I halved the prices of the games, so now they're $5 per session each instead of $10 (with the first session only being $2.50 for the first few people to sign up). I promise I'm a good GM, I've been doing it for like a full decade now

I Got Denied Disability

So after over a year, I got denied Disability, despite being unable to work pretty much any normal job. As is, I'm fucked, financially speaking. My current income is around $65 a month from Patreon, and my current credit cards (which are maxed out at ~$2000 and ~$3000 respectively) have a minimum payment of around $135 a month total.

I currently feel completely and utterly hopeless, and have no idea what, if anything, I can fucking do. I was banking so much on this because it was literally my one shot in the dark hope, and now it's been dashed. At best, I can try again and hear back in another year and a half, by which point I'll probably have fucking starved to death or died of exposure.

So uh, hey, if anyone wants to help, like comment and subscribe to my shit please. If you have Twitch Prime (which you have if you have Amazon Prime), you can subscribe to me on Twitch once a month for free. I have a Patreon (https://www.patreon.com/mixtercasual) as mentioned, as well as a Ko-Fi (https://ko-fi.com/mixtercasual) if you can throw me a few bucks or subscribe or whatever.

If you can't help financially, which I fucking get, literally liking and commenting and subscribing helps me get seen and feeds The Algorithm. Follow me on Twitch (https://www.twitch.tv/mixtercasual) or check out my Youtube channel (https://www.youtube.com/projectyayhem). Share my content so that more people can see it and maybe I'll start getting ad deals for Raid Shadow Legends or some shit. At the very least, seeing people follow and comment and stuff gives me a much-needed morale boost, and is greatly appreciated.

Okay depressed begging over. Have a good one, y'all

I'm still very much struggling with money, so I've decided to add another side hustle. Feel free to join me over at Startplaying.games where I'm hosting a spooky Pathfinder 1e game (https://startplaying.games/adventure/clkahdpd2000908l30gp74x0b) or a culty D&D 5e game (https://startplaying.games/adventure/clkd8n5gt000308kw4d8z9vr7)! No experience, dice, or paper necessary!

For a lot of reasons I put my comic, The Evergreen Heart, on hold. But there were a lot of pages I’d already finished and never posted, so I wanted to share some panels I still like from a montage type sequence.

Another Set of Magic Items

Grimtooth’s Traps was not in the remote vicinity of fucking around

who hurt this man

Grimtooth’s Traps, 1981

The whole book is just a treat

It’s going to be very diffcult not to be an extremely paranoid PC now. Damn.

Jack.

Jack, don’t you dare.

Don’t you dare with ANY of these!

I NEEEEEED THIS

this guy would be the worst DM to have

Ok, maybe not the worst DM

@dungeonmastersconsortium

I love this. And how mean they can be.

030CRC Day 2: Insects

Deep in warm forests lives the assassin bug, a creature which pierces the exoskeleton of its prey, sucks out its juices, and wears its body as camoflauge from the next victim.

This one’s big

Original Prompt

Creature: Sea Drake

The waters churned angrily, bubbles rising to the surface, and dark scales glid along the undertow. A finned ridge raised out of the water, and Neya just had enough time to duck out of the way as it slashed towards her. Finally, the creature's head raised from the waves, and its crocodilian maw grinned darkly.

Sea guardians. Sea drakes are not true dragons, but an offshoot of the drake subtype that has adapted well to underwater dwellings. Sea drakes are rarely seen in fresh water, as they prefer the crashing waves and nutritious fish of larger seas. Sea drakes are solitary creatures, but their mating season can last up to two years, during which young sea drakes look for a partner, and raise their young together for the first year or two, so it is not unlikely to see two sea drakes, plus possibly a gaggle of wyrmlings, in a group.

Draconic intelligence. Sea drakes are not as intelligent as the winged serpents of the land, but boast enough intelligence to know when they are being deceived, humiliated or undermined. They make quick work of any creature that dare wander into its lair, which is often a cave on the shore that has both an entry through the water, and a dry one. Sea drakes collect items from shipwrecks, and each has its own collection of things it finds most fascinating, whether that be flags, ships' wheels, or even human bones. Its careful organization of its hoard makes it evident to it immediately when something is missing - and any creature courageous enough to steal from it will be hunted and punished with a breath of lightning.

Friends and companions. Sea drakes rarely team up with each other, but if they do, they are a mating couple and will defend each other to the death. Other creatures that sea drakes may tolerate are sarduk, hippocampi, merfolk and plesiosaurs. A sea drake may be pulled into the clutches of sea hags, merrow or sahuagin, but they will do anything to avoid serving masters such as larger sea-dwelling dragons, dragon turtles, krakens or morkoths.

Magic Item: Mana Fuse by MithralSkull on reddit

Dungeon: Lynzel’s Candle

Adventure Hooks: 

Setup:  Though the Sorceress Lynzel did not build the eternal pyres and warded walls of the ruins that bear her name, her occupancy made quite the impression on the locality. People tend to notice when a burning figure goes streaking hither and yon across the sky, out on mage’s business like a meteor with errands to run. 

Less eccentric than her flagrant use of fire magic might suggest, Lynzel was interested in the esoteric nature of elemental fire: its ability to purify, to consume, to reveal the future by eating the present. Her sanctum ( known far and wide as the candle for its everburning towers) was the center of her experiments, a nexus of all primal sources cultivated by ancient elvankind as a basis for their great, continent spanning spells, left to molder as their empire of immortals crumbled, and mortal civilizations grew up in the gaps.  

Keep reading

Here’s a little trick I’ve used in D&D games where the premise of your campaign calls for the party to have access to lots of Stuff, but you don’t want to do a whole bunch of bookkeeping: the Wagon.

In a nutshell, the party has a horse-drawn wagon that they use to get around between – and often during – adventures. This doesn’t come out of any individual player character’s starting budget; it’s just provided as part of the campaign premise.

Before setting out from a town or other place of rest, the party has to decide how many gold pieces they want to spend on supplies. These funds aren’t spent on anything in particular, and form a running total that represents how much Stuff is in the wagon.

Any time a player character needs something in the way of supplies during a journey or adventure, one of two things can happen:

1. If it’s something that any fool would have packed for the trip and it’s something that could reasonably have been obtained at one of the party’s recent stopovers (e.g., rations, spare clothing, fifty feet of rope, etc.), then the wagon contains as much of it as they reasonably need. Just deduct the Player’s Handbook list price for the item(s) in question from the wagon’s total.

2. If it’s something where having packed it would take some explaining, or if it’s something that’s unlikely to have been available for purchase at any of the party’s recent stopovers (e.g., a telescope, a barrel of fine wine, a book of dwarven erotic poetry, etc.), the player in need makes a retroactive Intelligence or Wisdom check, versus a DC set by the GM, to see if they somehow anticipated the need for the item(s) in question. Proficiency may apply to this check, depending on what’s needed. The results are read as follows:

Success: You find what you’re looking for, more or less. If the group is amenable, you can narrate a brief flashback explaining the circumstances of its acquisition. Deduct its list price (or a price set by the GM, if it’s not on the list) from the wagon’s total.

Failure by 5 points or less: You find something sort of close to what you’re looking for. The GM decides exactly what; it won’t ever be useless for the purpose at hand, but depending on her current level of whimsy, it may simply be a lesser version of what you were looking for, or it may be something creatively off the mark. Deduct and optionally flash back as above.

Failure by more than 5 points: You come up empty-handed, and can’t try again for that item or anything closely resembling it until after your next stopover.

As an incidental benefit, all the junk the wagon is carrying acts as a sort of ablative armour. If the wagon or its horses would ever take damage, instead subtract a number of gold pieces from its total equal to the number of hit points of damage it would have suffered. The GM is encouraged to describe what’s been destroyed in lurid detail.

This type of method makes it *way* easier to keep track of items, and… it’s pretty darn funny when the players succeed a roll to see if they backed something outrageously stupid. Trust me, the flash backs are hilarious. Never skip out on them.

I’ve used this method for spell components. It works splendidly.

The mushroom creatures of artist Collette Xavier