it's hot enough to fly an egg out there

Me: "Oh, haha, they typed FLY an egg, what a funny little typo."

Video: *plays*

Me:

When you’re in the middle of playing hockey, you don’t have much time or lungpower to spare for lengthy chats, so hockey players develop a lot of on-ice shorthand. Some of this is probably limited to beer leagues like mine, but I’ve definitely heard a few of these phrases caught on the rink-level mics during NHL games, so I thought maybe some of y’all who don’t play hockey might be interested in translations of a few of the things hockey players yell at each other mid-game.

OFF = You are offside.

OOOOOOOFF = You are offside and don’t seem to realize it; stop trying to touch the puck and move your ass out of the fucking zone before you force a whistle.

CHANGE = You’ve been on the ice a long time.

CHAAAAAAANGE = Are you aware that there are other people on this team who would like to play hockey at some point?

ONE ON = An opposing player is trying to get the puck away from you and it appears that you haven’t noticed.

GOT TIME = Don’t panic and fling the puck into Siberia, there’s no one close enough to take it away from you right this second.

ICE IT = We’ve been in our zone for three minutes and everyone on the ice is nearing collapse, so go ahead, panic and fling the puck into Siberia.

I’M OPEN = Pass toward the sound of my voice right fucking now.

ALL YOU = Take the puck forward yourself; everyone else is far enough behind you that you should not rely on getting any backup on this developing play.

I GOT YOU = You are so egregiously out of position that it makes more sense for us to just switch jobs for a minute.

I GOT IT = If we both skate hard to the puck at the same time, as is currently happening, there will be no one to pass it to and also we are liable to collide in an unproductive fashion, so just let me handle it.

I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT = You did not listen to me and we are about to collide in an unproductive fashion.

edited to add: NOOOOOOOOOOO = The ref has signaled no icing on this play, so quit gliding while you wait for a whistle and move your damn feet. (This is probably the most confusing one to overhear if you don’t know what it means XD)

back in the day this post made the rounds in hockey RPF and in Check Please and I am pleased to see once again a hockey-based fandom full of people who know nothing about hockey circulating this crucial info XD for the record I am always happy to splain hockey at pretty much anyone who asks!

oh that just means they’re a goalie. there is no explaining goalies. one time I asked my goalie why he didn’t use a gear bag with wheels (goalie bags almost always have wheels bc they have more/heavier equipment) and he—bent almost double under the weight of his gigantic bag—looked me straight in the eye and said “it makes me appreciate the game more.” I once knew a goalie who communicated solely via gifs of porn bloopers. there’s one NHL goalie whose pregame ritual is to go sit in the empty arena and stare at the empty ice surface for literal hours. each goalie is a full subculture that no one understands but themselves

my corner store guy is a 50 year old man who's my best friend in the world and recently he was like "you're too pretty to be single I have some nephews you should meet. very handsome!" and I was like "a niece might be more up my alley" and he just got more excited and said "ah even better! I was overselling my nephews but my nieces are very beautiful"

OP the tags!!

Hey. Heyhey. Do me a favor real quick.

If you don't already know you have issues doing so, squat down real quick. Bend your knees all the way and touch the floor. Just make sure you can do it. Okay? For me? And then stand up all the way and make sure you can balance on one foot.

Like. You don't need to blow it into some huge thing. Just. Make sure all your bits and peices still work the way you think they do.

Can you turn your head to look behind you without twisting your shoulders? What about standing on your toes? If you sit down on the floor can you get back up without using your hands?

If there was ever a tumblr post worth sending to your mom, it's this one.

Just saying, bodies are a use it or lose it kinda thing.

okay so every time I see this post crop back up in queues and notifications I end up thinking about it. Because I made the post and even I'm still doing the thing where I read the post about maintaining range of motion in my delicate meatsuit and I nod and hmm and think yeah that's a good idea and then dont move from where I'm curled up shrimp style staring at the nightmare rectangle.

So like. Thinking real hard about moving doesn't count as moving. Major bummer. Anyways. Joints.

Tumblr age test!

BREAKING NEWS. SCOOP OF THE CENTURY

reblog to tell your mutual you’re proud of them and it’ll all work out

Yesterday I told a guy I was ace/aro and he asked what “aro” meant, so I told him, and he responded, “Oh, I thought it might be like A-E-R-O and I was confused.”

Yes.  I am asexual/aerodynamic.  At the slightest hint of sex or romance I launch myself into the air and land several miles away.

Happy 10th birthday to the most popular post I’ve ever made. I have learned about so many aroace characters with the ability to fly from this post and I love that.

Look at her go! Stealing crab bait as a snack

OOHHHHH sopranos like the singers

HBO’s Sopranos: hark at the ducks 🦆 give zero fucks 🦆 in Tony’s pool 🦆 pasta fazool 🍝

altos: bada biNg 🔫 bada boOm 🔫 bada biNg 🔫 bada boOm 🔫

this website is a goddamn national treasure

What’s a food from your culture that u HATE #hatersonly

I expected Americans without another discernible cultural background to answer this with regional American dishes im getting taken out by people just saying stuff like “burger” and “mcdonalds”

”we’ve been trying to reach you”

GET in line

didn't realize this post got any notes because you know what i'm also not checking? my activity feed.

to me, correctly using 5+ commas in a single sentence is like perfectly executing a combo in a fighting game. to me.

if you think a sentence needs 5+ commas it should be two sentences

it’s not about what the sentence needs, i’m afraid, nor is it about economy, clarity, or style. it’s about winning, little-theatre-fairy.

Comment on my MA thesis:

crying so hard night now. he is cute is that not enough to let him compete