THEM *sobs*

Superfam & Batfam by Belén Ortega. (Summer of Superman Special #1 // Batman #136)

‼️NOT THAT BIG OF A SPOILER FOR THE NEW SUPERMAN MOVIE BUT STILL‼️

The funniest thing about the new Superman movie was that the civilians of Metropolis fled to Gotham out of all places to not be in danger 😭

Batman #128 PREVIEW

I’ve been cackling about this for like five minutes now

[Video caption:

O-okay, let’s get into this, shall we?

*grumbling* Would you rather work for Lex Luthor or the Joker- *shouting* Lex Luthor, by like, a fucking mile!

Yes, yes, working for Lex Luthor is basically like being an Amazon employee that makes weapons of mass destruction, which is bad. Lex is like Donald Trump mixed with Mark Zuckerberg mixed with Jeffrey fucking Bezos, it’s not a great mix. He does not treat his henchmen well. Their lives still suck, and they are probably monitored on how long they take piss breaks for.

But let’s analyze what working for Lex Luthor is like versus the fucking Joker. With Lex you probably get a dental plan, a health plan, a paycheck, and the guy that you’re fighting really cares about human life. Superman will hit you just long enough to knock you out, so you’re not a treat, so he can stop the problem.

If you work for the Joker, your payment is you’re not fucking dead. You say one wrong thing? Bang. You don’t laugh at his jokes? Bang! You do laugh at his jokes? Bang! You think Joker gives a fuck about a henchman?

Who’s Lex Luthor’s right-hand-man? It’s a woman, you sexist, her name is Mercy, she’s awesome. Who’s Joker’s right-hand-man? Bob? Nah, he’s dead. Harley? Tried to kill her multiple times. Slappy? Who the fuck is Slappy?

The best case scenario of working for the Joker is that you fight the fucking Batman! And that presents its own fucking list of problems. If you stop Superman as a Lex Luthor henchman, Lex’ll be pissed, but he’ll be at least happy that Superman was caught. If you stop Batman as a Joker henchman, you better have a fucking coffin picked out yesterday.

This isn’t a fun hypothetical question, this is a screening technique that the doctors at Arkham use to determine your mental health! There is a right and a wrong answer to this question, and the correct one is Lex fucking Luthor. Thank you for coming to my fucking Ted Talk, have a nice day.

End caption.]

Bitch neither I work for Wayne Industries, they got better offers than work these clowns:

batmans secret special attack is offering all of his enemys henchmen a living wage and guaranteed healthcare

Tim Drake and Dick Grayson in Red Robin #12

When we were kids, my sister thought I was watching a show for adults because of how hard the intro drops.

Bruce Wayne's dream from Detective Comics #1062 (2022) / Val Kilmer in a deleted dream sequence for “Batman Forever” (1995) via taliasghul

Bruce Wayne having to play Fuck, Marry, Kill on a talkshow, except all the options are JL members.

Talkshow host: okay! Your options are the big three! If you didn’t know, That’s Wonder Woman, Superman, and Batman!

Bruce: (with no hesitation) Kill Batman. He’s useless, has no superpowers whatsoever and was once 15 minutes late to save me from a kidnapping.

Do you know why batman doesn't have a police badge?

get his ass

Bruce: There are two things you need to realize about Tim. First, he’s got an astonishing sense of duty. It drives everything he does. That’s why he first became Robin. And even when he quit, he only did it out of a greater obligation to his father’s authority. So, when he returned to the job for the second time, he made sure he wasn’t going behind his father’s back to do it. He’ll never squander his responsibilities by overreaching. He knows how much he can handle on his own, whether here, or in Blüdhaven, or anywhere else. I have every confidence he’ll know when to call for help.

Alfred: And the second thing?

Bruce: Hmmm?

Alfred: You mentioned two things one needs to realize about Master Tim.

Bruce: Oh, yes. Tim’s smart–smarter than me, and maybe even smarter than you. Take my word, Alfred, we’ll end up working for him someday, once he does a bit more growing up.

–Bruce Wayne and Alfred Pennyworth on Tim Drake (Robin #136 – A Rider on the Storm)

Batman caught unmasking

I’m just thinking about how hilarious Bruce and Tim’s relationship is throughout the years (no one talk to me about canon) because Bruce gets like zero say as to Tim’s personal choices, because he really only gets to be a mentor as a vigilante. Of course Bruce is too dad to deal with that but he has to (sidenote: Tim is absolutely sneaky and does bad shit all the time, he just doesn’t get caught, that’s what “goody-two-shoes” means). anyways im just amusing myself thinking about all the ways that would have changed when Bruce adopted Tim

| The Early Years |

Bruce Wayne: hey don’t do that

Tim Drake: you’re my boss, this is personal, you don’t get a say

Bruce: it’s not safe

Tim: pfft

Bruce: I’m serious Tim

Tim: don’t worry about it

Bruce: It’s hard not to! Look, if you don’t listen to me…

Tim: yeah?

Bruce: I’ll…I’ll tell your dad

Tim:

Tim:

Tim: PFFFT AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

| Years Later, in which Tim has been adopted |

Bruce: hey don’t do that

Tim: look B i can decide these things, don’t worry about it

Bruce: Tim, I’m serious. Don’t

Tim: pfft

Bruce: If you don’t listen to me…wait a minute

Tim: yeah?

Bruce:

Bruce:

Bruce: I can ground you now

Tim: Huh?

Bruce, full of confidence: If you don’t listen to me then you are grounded

Tim: You can’t ground me!

Bruce: I can, I’ve got a receipt for you and everything!

Tim: oh come on

Bruce: And you’ve got a curfew too! And, uh, you need to lay off the coffee

Tim: NO

Bruce: Yes. All these years watching you and your poor choices—

Tim, interrupting: HEY

Bruce, continuing: —and now I can finally change them. It’s humbling. I’m so grateful.

Tim: I’m not

Bruce: [ruffles Tim’s hair absentmindedly] tie your shoes, slugger

Tim: [mulishly] no

Bruce: [pats his head] I can ground you now

Tim: stop saying that!

Bruce: Now you have to eat your broccoli

Tim, grinning: not in a million years, tyrant

there’s just so many ways this could be written and be so fun. Tim “I have never had to face any consequences because I basically raised myself and no one was around so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” versus Bruce “I need to dad everything so hard if I don’t it will kill me”