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Lusoris Femini Illuminatorum

@teal-deer / teal-deer.tumblr.com

Novus Ordo Mulierum | absolutely NO relation to any right-wing you-tuber of a similar name, I had this name before him and I'm a queer commie dirtbag  | Tabletop RPG stuff @smolderingcorpsebar | FFXIV stuff @capriccio-ffxiv | original work @turnupthesignal

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@turnupthesignal : original works, mostly writing

@smolderingcorpsebar : TTRPG stuff

@capriccio-ffxiv : FFXIV stuff

If you're here to DM me about that union job post, I got laid off in April 2024. The union meant that I got a VERY generous severance package, but no, I can't help you find a cool union job, much as I'd like to :(

My current job is literally driving me insane despite being a union job (I am having delusions and paranoia! Whee!) so I am looking for Not Fucking That

My gender is Mysterious and Indistinct (I'm nonbinary)

I'm currently in some poly relationships

I used to ID as asexual and tbh I may still be on that spectrum but even if I wasn't asexuality is real and valid, die mad about it

hate when mummy movies use Imhotep as the big bad. He was an architect. Imagine a mummy movie but the mummy is Frank Llyod Wright. And he was buried at the House On The Rock. Ok nevermind that would be a sick ass movie.

Older coworker mentioned he once as a teen had a computer game published in a magazine. I said "what, like they've reviewed it?". He said no, the game was in the magazine. Young nerds in the 80s used to buy comics full of code, type them out painstakingly, then play the little space invaders or whatever. And it was a whole community of people making little games and sharing them, just for fun.

Anyway thought you may like to know. Here's my favourite page.

refuse to believe this "game" isn't some buffy-level demon summoning business.

Update: my wonderful friend has only gone and made this game (Crabs) because of this post.

You can play it for free on her website

If you're wondering why I haven't been around much, surprise! | live in South Minneapolis where things have been pretty bad. BUT my South Minneapolis friends and neighbors have been wonderful. I love my neighborhood and my city. We keep us safe.

For Minnesota residents, Defend612 has some great resources in the links.

ALSO if you're a cartoonist or a comics person, I invite you to journal your experience of how ICE has impacted your life with your own four-panel comics! I'd love to connect with you.

Stay frosty, but abolish ICE.

at work: i could be cooking and cleaning and coding and reading and working out and weaving tapestries and playing video games and climbing a mountain and having sex and filming a movie right now yet they keep me trapped in this prison. idle hands are the devils plaything and i am being forcibly molded into his perfect conduit. i must break free, seize the day and waste not the beauty inherent to finite mortal life

at home: my one true passion upon this pointless earth is bog mummy imitation

While cleaning out my room I found a paper that my therapist gave me some time ago to deal with obsessive and intrusive thoughts. Sorry the paper is a little crinkled and stained, but I figured I’d post it in hopes that it will help someone like it helped me.

Here it is again with text for anyone who can’t see the picture

  • That thought isn’t helpful right now.
  • Now is not the time to think about it. I can think about it later.
  • This is irrational. I’m going to let it go.
  • I won’t argue with an irrational thought.
  • This is not an emergency. I can slow down and think clearly about what I need.
  • This feels threatening and urgent, but it really isn’t.
  • I don’t have to be perfect to be OK.
  • I don’t have to figure out this question. The best thing to do is just drop it.
  • It’s OK to make mistakes.
  • I already know from my past experiences that these fears are irrational.
  • I have to take risks in order to be free. I’m willing to take this risk.
  • It’s OK that I just had that thought/image, and it doesn’t mean anything. I don’t have to pay attention to it.
  • I’m ready to move on now.
  • I can handle being wrong.
  • I don’t have to suffer like this. I deserve to feel comfortable.
  • That’s not my responsibility.
  • That’s not my problem.
  • I’ve done the best I can.
  • It’s good practice to let go of this worry. I want to practice.

i think experiencing The Horrors™️ bc of the enormity of your love for someone is such a compelling internal struggle to have for a fictional character. fuel for the narrative, you don’t have to do much else

and you are intimidated by the enormity of your own love. you pretend not to care as much. you fail at nonchalance and it just comes across as callousness or indifference. but actually the love is there. and it bares your whole soul, probably. and everything you do belies the truth. many such cases

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Reblogged lumsel

Discussions of trans women in sports often focus on elite/professional sports which honestly I find it hard to care about but the more common scenario of “we’re going to legally ban a high school girl from playing sports with her friends because she’s trans” is just profoundly evil

i remember when utah's (republican) governor ended up vetoing a law banning transgender students from playing high school sports when he looked at the numbers, and there were only four trans students in the state playing sports at all. he released a clumsily worded but surprisingly compassionate statement about the decision.

I must admit, I am not an expert on transgenderism. I struggle to understand so much of it, and the science is conflicting. When in doubt, however, I always try to err on the side of kindness, mercy, and compassion. I also try to get proximate, and I am learning so much from our transgender community. They are great kids who face enormous struggles. Here are the numbers that have most impacted my decision: 75,000, 4, 1, 86 and 56. 75,000 high school kids participating in high school sports in Utah. 4 transgender kids playing high school sports in Utah. 1 transgender student playing girls sports. 86% of trans youth reporting suicidality. 56% of trans youth having attempted suicide. Four kids and only one of them playing girls sports. That’s what all of this is about. Four kids who aren’t dominating or winning trophies or taking scholarships. Four kids who are just trying to find some friends and feel like they are a part of something. Four kids trying to get through each day. Rarely has so much fear and anger been directed at so few. I don’t understand what they are going through or why they feel the way they do. But I want them to live.

of course, it didn't amount to much. they overrode his veto. it's just so cartoonishly evil. an entire state's political body so desperate to terrorize this one little trans girl.

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Reblogged lumsel

i truly think that this recent trend of “if you relate to a post about a different identity than your own you are ~derailing~ and taking over the conversation” is incredibly harmful.

i recently experienced some pretty severe transphobic abuse in my workplace (children’s home) that included having food thrown at me, being called slurs, being told i was a pervert because i am trans. one of the managers talked with me afterwards and shared that he had had a similar experience as an Asian man. this wasn’t him derailing my experience, or talking over me, or making things about himself. he was communicating “hey, i know how it feels and how much it sucks. you’re not alone.”

THAT is what solidarity IS. i don’t know what it’s like to be Asian, he doesnt know what it’s like to be trans, but we both had a similar experience and we were able to turn a horrible experience into an opportunity for bonding and comfort.

stop looking at people’s attempts as solidarity as an attack. and hey, you never know - you could find an opportunity to grow closer to other people.

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Reblogged lumsel
Metropolis met a mixed reception upon release. Critics found it visually beautiful and powerful – the film's art direction by Otto Hunte, Erich Kettelhut, and Karl Vollbrecht draws influence from opera, Bauhaus, Cubist, and Futurist design,[8] along with touches of the Gothic in the scenes in the catacombs, the cathedral and Rotwang's house[9] – and lauded its complex special effects, but accused its story of being naïve.[10]H. G. Wells described the film as "silly", and The Encyclopedia of Science Fiction calls the story "trite" and its politics "ludicrously simplistic".

y'know what, can't disagree

me neither, but i do repeat "THE MEDIAN BETWEEN THE HEAD AND THE HANDS MUST BE THE HEART" to myself all the time, so it's got that going for it.

I have been fucking around with my armour for long enough to have rediscovered the entire journey that Europe went through 1100-1500. I kept adding bits to cover gaps, then realising they were causing problems and adjusting things to not cause problems anymore, and reinventing stuff that they invented in 1400. I gotta put articulation in my hip armour because the design I created is AMAZING for protection (a little bit too amazing, I literally got shot twice in the butt with a ballista and knew NOTHING about it until the siege team told me) but I think I should sometimes be able to sit down in chairs. Now I know why they didn't design it that way.

Which is great experimental archaeology and all, but the latest thing I've rediscovered is that gambesons are actually, like.... necessary.... not because you need the padding (my chestplate does just fine with the foam glued inside it) but because you need arming points. My elbows have to be held up somehow, and every way I've found of attaching them to the shoulder results in reduced arm mobility. If they attach to my sleeve then nothing can go wrong

But I don't want to die of heatstroke. Which I will, if I add a gambeson into my current kit

So I'm contemplating a plan: gambeson mini crop top. I only need enough gambeson to anchor padding under my shoulders and points for my elbows. It needs sleeves, it needs shoulders, it doesn't need to go down further than my armpits. This is going to look like some kind of cursed anime girl outfit item designed purely to create a boob window but I swear this is for science. I have to fuck this up so I can rediscover why they didn't make armour this way in the 1300s

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