colorshow glassworks

trying to find a decent pair of womens pants moodboard

Ilya Rozanov’s Impact As Representation of Queer Russians

alright here we go

this isn’t really structured as an essay, but is a detailed analysis

first of all, i need to establish that a lot of my points come directly from personal experience — i am a mixed race kid born in kazakhstan, half-russian and half-kazakh, raised primarily in russia. i am also queer myself, although i was raised as a woman (i am now agender). this analysis will heavily focus on cultural elements, because they are crucial for understanding the depth of ilya’s character and why he acts the way he does.

i was quite apprehensive about ilya initially — western film loves to portray russian people as a caricature and use them for tasteless gags without really examining anything in depth (I’m looking at you stranger things, yes, you). i was concerned heated rivalry would remain surface-level about ilya’s background and portray him as a stereotypical, cold-hearted russian dude. i was also concerned about his accent being too caricatural, concerned about the potential dialogue in russian (as a linguist, russian dialogue in western film is infamously stiff and unnatural. looking at you again, stranger things), so you can imagine my surprise and delight when all of those concerns ended up being unfounded.

The TV show does a much much better job with the cultural baggage both Shane and Ilya carry than the book ever does. I'm not Russian, but as a Chinese person who grew up with strict parents who withheld approval and expected perfection as a baseline, and who also had an incredibly strong sense of duty in substantially similar ways as what OP expressed, I immediately got Ilya in the TV show in a way I never did in the books. Don't get me wrong: Ilya in the books is delightful, and I've read Heated Rivalry three times in large part because I love my chaotic gremlin Russian boy. But TV Ilya feels so much more real; so much more lived-in and complicated and interesting. I'm so glad that Tierney made the choice to show us as much of Ilya's family and the scenes in Russia as he did, because they're mostly missing or elided in the books—seen briefly in flashbacks or recounted in dialogue.

I also want to hammer home OP's point about cultural norms vs. malice. My white American friends' reactions to Ilya's father are generally "wow what an abusive dick," and, like, hmmm sort of yes, because absolutely his actions are abusive in effect, but it's also bigger than Grigori Rozanov and much more complicated than that? Simple malice would, I think, be easier explain and to bear? Grigori is being a good dad in the way he knows best; he's performing his duty. And that's so fucking sad and so fucking real.

Anyway, Ilya, both because of the writing decisions Tierney makes and an incredible performance from Connor Storrie, never feels like a white American dude cosplaying a Russian. I can't speak to whether he feels like a real Russian because I'm not, but I can definitely speak to the fact that he feels not-American. Ilya in the TV show is a character who is fully inhabited and fully fleshed-out. And that's a rarity.

Sous La Glace, Georges Leonnec for La Vie Parisienne, 1926

The caption is a little fuzzy, but I think the meaning is “Has the Parisienne become economic? You see a lot less panties this year!” :D

y'all need to relearn the word erratic and stop using schizophrenic/bipolar/psychotic as a replacement

y'all need to relearn the word particular and stop using ocd as a replacement

People need to relearn the word "egocentric" and stop using narcissist/narc as a replacement.

People need to relearn the word "impulse" and stop using "intrusive thought" as a replacement

Tissue Series

These pieces are made of Japanese mulberry paper and the gilded edges of old books. They are constructed by a technique of rolling and shaping narrow strips of paper called quilling or paper filigree. Quilling was first practiced by Renaissance nuns and monks who are said to have made artistic use of the gilded edges of worn out bibles, and later by 18th century ladies who made artistic use of lots of free time.

- by Lisa Nilsson

Absolutely cackling over the banjo subreddit

The fact I had no fucking clue which euphemisms were about sex and which ones were about playing banjo

ok enough regular fujoshi media we need to investigate how writing about men fucking is actually proxy sex between women we need a story about two womens increasingly codependent and toxic online friendship built on writing slash fiction together escalating to doing sex roleplay on instant messengers pretending to be their favorite ship to get better at writing so they can really embody the mind of the characters obviously and talking one of the women thru her divorce and their weird emotionally blurred and toxic friendship as the more talented friend keeps leveraging her popularity and control over a major fanfic site in the fandom to keep control over the rapidly deteriorating friendship and they have weird phone sex and one of them realizes they are gay for real and gets a girlfriend whos jealous of how much time shes spending online and the friendship eventually explodes and one of them goes on to get published and the other woman shows up at her book signing and its the first time they have ever seen each other face to face but only one of them knows who the other is

we’re about 60 days away from 2013 just think about that for a sec

I fear “I Have No Mouth & I Must Carol” isn’t gonna win the ugly sweater design contest at the company holiday party

Ferdinand von Řezníček (Austrian, 1868--1909)

they say if you watch the heated rivalry club scene with russian version of 'all the things she said' and translated lyrics, you get x100 more emotional damage

(music was changed by hollandernov on twitter, english lyrics by me)

This post from @walske and @telomeke talking about gay Canadian hockey players experience and reliving it with PTSD in Heated Rivalry made me feel like adding to another side of the point - but my reply was getting too long so I decided to make it its own post, oops sorry. Hope you stick with me.

For the past weeks, I've seen many Russian people talking about how strongly they resonate with Ilya's character. "I relate so much, I felt this deep in my soul, how the hell did they represent us so well, he's one of us, I'm triggered". Even people who never watch BLs or not interested in hockey, they all talk about HR online. Even I, who loves watching BLs all over the world but prefer the ones that add social message/character exploration focused, would dismiss HR if it was only about high-rated smut scenes. Like good job, we need this kind of stories but they're not what I personally prefer.

BUT NO. It's about painfully relatable experience. I'm scared to watched the new episode because it will force me to face my own life, situation and the doom hell my country is currently falling in with the speed of light. And many other Russians said they literally cried in the past couple of episodes.

So many queer people had to flee Russia in the past years, especially now (few years after HR timeline) when LGBTA+ were officially announced illеgal, ехtrеmists and tеrrоrists, with people fined and jailed for a simple makeup or a slightly gay fanart they posted 10 years ago. They still fear and overthink every single thing they say and do even in other country, whenever encountering queer events or trying to date someone. Seeing openly gay hockey couple kissing on the match screen? Oh that's probably only a partially exciting moment for Ilya.

I went back to closet even when I could have built my new, more free identity in another country, I still enter fight-or-flight mode when buying BL books even if they're written in different language and no cop will grab me for looking at the books in a library corner or when I watch queer show in perfectly legal and promoted cinema screening, I don't speak about queer culture and series in my own language, I'm still censoring myself and cursing myself out at the same time for being so stupid and affected by fear – and knowing that if I get more bold and free, shit can still unexpectedly hit the fan and my family back in Russia can get hurt.

This is another thing that hits Russian speaking fans - Ilya's relationship with his dad, brother and the funeral. I was lucky to not have abusive parents but there's always a fucked up past and traumas in CIS childhood. No matter how many traumas you have and how much you try to escape and live your happy life, you'll always face the relatives, you'll always love them despite it all, you will always hurt when they're alive and grieve when they're gone. And if you choose to be yourself and to find love and happiness on your own, you can not go back home.

My mom told me just last week: "Don't go back to Russia. Even if I die, don't you dare to come to my funeral". I also have to awkwardly joke whenever my sister or dad ask me whether I miss them already and when do I plan to visit them, and I miss my friends so much even when I make new ones here. I push down my thoughts that keep coming up about what I should do and how I will feel if I one of them dies, and I'm 4000km away without having made any close happy memories in the past few years.

I have never come out to my family, yet this is something that still hurts if you're just a young adult who had to immigrate from Russia to other country. I've seen other fans saying they were triggered by the "silly gay show" because they got reminded of their fear that they cannot be with their family in their hardships. We are literally risking our life, not even just a social rejection. Fucking Ilya Rosanov.

Connor managed to show Ilya's struggles and traumas so beautifully and so raw, so truthfully. The emotions in his Russian monologue, the exhaustion and double-edged sword in the shape of his situation (queerness and family) was too real, as if he's not an actor but he has those cold and brutal years of growing up in Russia for real. His exasperated broken "чёрт" ('damn', translated as 'fuck me' in subs) after finally sharing his inner turmoil made me shed tears. And of course, the love confession that sounds much more raw in your own language that forces you to face the reality and your emotion.

To be honest, many Russian viewers were genuinely confused with Shane's hesitation about publicly coming out because he will not face even 1/3 of the amount of much more horrible consequences as they would (or Ilya would) :D (jk, everyone's fears are valid)

As another joke, somebody commented that they are not surprised at all that canadian autistic guy was still better in processing and talking about his emotions that neurotypical russian guy lmao

Anyway, HR is not only about sex and public coming out, it's also about queer people who left their homeland (forced or happened to) but still have cursedly tight ties to it, who dance painfully with 'crime' and 'family loss' in their embrace.

No one ever did this representation before on the foreign screen. It's liberating to see westerns' eyes being opened to the situation Russians and Russian queers have to live in, even if they do their best to live freely in other places — but especially if they still come to/live in Russia. People all over the world do not watch queer russian movies, and there won't be any BLs in the upcoming years, but craving is still here to be seen and heard. Representation matters. Thank you, Heated Rivalry, crew and actors, for being so attentive and putting so much effort even when you did not have to.

nothing makes me feel more alive than being insane about a little show

Former Canadian hockey player talking about how he was closeted the whole time he played hockey (college & pro) and at one point snuck his secret boyfriend in through THE FIRE ESCAPE IN HIS APARTMENT IN MONTREAL and saying he thought he’d worked through that time of his life in therapy and has been out for a while and still almost had to turn the show off bc it was so vividly similar to his experience

Dismissing the show as pwp or smut (which to be clear are perfectly legitimate genres in their own right!) is such a wild misread of the story being told here

Like the whole point is that something that SHOULD BE just sex or a hookup is suddenly a massive career-threatening secret and the act of falling in love with someone just like all their teammates do openly becomes a monumental decision and decade-long plan riddled with constant anxiety, risks, and loneliness

It’s the queer experience in a nutshell, and the way sex is portrayed is an integral part of that

reading this as someone who does cross stitch but is scared of the other kinds of embroidery is like overhearing an incredibly tall and buff person say they have beef with Mr. Tom, the kitten that chills at the bookstore

FUCK Mr. Tom and his stupid little fluffy tail ok. And his little charted designs.

Okay, but this neglects the true villain of embroidery stitches: the French knot

Don't you dare malign my girl again

Ok the french knot is very useful but it is a BITCH to do it consistently