Some 'Murderbot and the humans it cares about' random collection

Sci-fi short stories are so efficient; they take 15 minutes to read and then you think about them for the next 5 years

Hey guys, what if *puts the most horrifying mindblowing concept into your head with about 15 pages*

this is fucking incredible

awow. awow. awow. Awow. awowAwowawowAwow awow awow awow. bup bup bupbup bup bup bup bup bup. if you even care

btw. if you even care btw. btw

@aroyalbirb

Love them sm

These are suggested for serving to recovering alcoholics, but I think they’re just fun and cool anyway? I like a fancy beverage, it doesn’t have to have booze. That cucumber Collins sounds refreshing AF

And children! Children love a fancy drink! Let them be included!

I am in HYSTERICS

addison rae found dead in miami

sorry not to pit two queens against each other i find addison rae relatively charming but if thee rebecca black did this to one of my silly little pop tunes i would have to commit seppuku

image description: screenshot of tags reading #omg rebecca black reveals the meaning /end description

I have a confession to make. It’s definitely an unpopular opinion, but I kind of wish we didn’t get this exchange in Network Effect:

I know, I know. Don’t get me wrong, I understand why Martha included it. It reveals the intimacy of the scene. We get an idea of what this relationship looks like from a human perspective. It gives us a heads up that Murderbot 2.0 is a person and not just a string of code. But when you take the ‘you’re making a baby together’ line so literally, you don’t get the chance to really compare and contrast this scenario with the one in Artificial Condition, the other time Murderbot has ART alter itself. (Buckle up for some literary analysis. It gets pretty long. I included quotes!)

every single day the news is like "breaking: the president has decreed that 100 to 200 angry hornets will be crammed into the mouth of each and every non-billionaire in the continental US on a random night this week while they sleep!" and every single time i'm like "...is this a power traditionally held by the executive branch of the US government?" and sometimes the answer is "unfortunately yes" and sometimes the answer is "no but it's happening anyway lol" and then i'm like "well i guess i hope the other branches impose checks and balances on his decision" and then the republican-majority supreme court is like "we're fine with this" and the republican-majority congress is like "what if the hornets were angrier actually" and then some glossy new startup is like "we built a tool to help predict which night is your night to have the hornets jammed in there, it's called buzzz :)" but the it turns out the tool is powered by ai so it's completely worthless and anyway what i'm saying is no, i haven't really been keeping up on my laundry lately.

by jeremy ville

I’ll never not be amused by the fact that I can drop the words “crucifix nail nipples” into a conversation and some of you who have been with me since the livejournal days will join me in the flashbacks, screaming and crying all the way.

I require context. Because this is a very interesting start of a story, and now I need the rest of it. Could I get a link, or a summary, or something? Pretty please?

All right buckle the fuck up kids, it’s the year 2012 and I’ve just been handed what should be an easy editing gig by my senior editor. It’s a vampire erotica story because one of the final Twilight movies is about to come out, and everything is vampires. Everything. I haven’t edited a single thing in months which isn’t about vampires. I am ready, I can do this. So I open the file and notice there’s a typo in the title, which really should have been my first inkling that something horrendous was about to go down, but you see I’m not quite dead inside yet so I carry on, bushy tailed and bright eyed with my faith in humanity intact. It’ll be dead by page 24, but I don’t know that yet. I’m just editing one more vampire boner fest.

The MC is a girl who we’ll call Sue. Sue is a Good Girl™, Sue is Not Like Other Girls™, she is pale and awkward and a virgin and has somehow managed to find herself a Bad Boy™ for a boyfriend. We’ll call him Dickhead.

Now Dickhead as previously stated is a bit of dick, he tries to pressure Sue into sex because he knows she is The One™ but he loves her really so it’s okay. Except it’s not okay because Sue is a Good Girl™ and holding out till marriage which he’s fine with except he’s got such a bad case of blue balls that one night walking home an attractive stranger lures him into an alley with the words “hey stud” and he follows, dick out before she’s even finished her sentence. Well turns out that was a mistake for Dickhead because she’s a vampire, but not just any vampire, a Dick Biting Vampire. So what started out as a skeevy blow job behind a club that he’ll feel bad about in the morning, turns into him being bitten on the dick and drained of his life essence and left for dead. Except DBV fucked up and now he’s a vampire. Are you still with me? Good, cause it’s about to get weirder.

Realizing he is now an abomination, Dickhead flees, becoming a creature of the night and feeding on animals rather than humans to repent for being such an asshole in life. Sue meanwhile is heartbroken, but carries on valiantly with her life and goes to bed each night crying for the loss of her One True Love™ who she would do anything to bring back. Well guess what Sue, Dickhead never really left you! He’s been “instinctively protecting her from rapists” by hiding out on her roof and fighting hobos who try to get to her open window via the fire escape for months now. Because that’s not fucking terrifying at all.

Upon learning of his predicament and how it happened, Sue can do nothing but blame herself. Oh if only she’d let him touch her secret places, then perhaps all of this could be avoided! Meanwhile Dickhead is having another dilemma of his own, realizing too late that his vampire powers have given him super senses and now he can smell her blood and he can’t decide whether he wants to get with her or eat her. And I don’t mean in the French sense. But he is strong! And over comes his base manly vampire instincts and neither rapes not kills her. Hurrah! And this is so romantic that Sue gives it up, but not before she launches into a theory about how in all fairy tales, True Love saves the day, so maybe her magical pure vagina that has never been touched by anyone, not even her, can bring him back to life. So Dickhead being a dickhead agrees and rips her clothes off, but not before he takes one last moment to marvel at the beauty of her purity, because he will never again look on her again and know she is Pure.

If you’ve only vomited once by now, I applaud your resolve.

So they hop on the good foot and do the nasty, except she is literally so pure in spirit, her flesh burns his. And I quote you from memory because these words are burned into my soul: “her breasts bit into his hands, like crucifix nail nipples tearing at his flesh, but he did not care because he loved her so and couldn’t stop”

This phrase haunts me. I dread that it will be the last thing I think about on my death bed and my last words will literally be “god fucking dammit” as I die, carrying that mental image with me into the afterlife. My own solace is in knowing that I inflicted it on other people too, like @ahzuri who is somehow still with me after all these years.

When the magical burning sex fails to heal him and leaves her bruised, battered and broken with “a dainty blue bells of bruises around her secret flower” (I am genuinely quoting this, I could never make something as horrendous as this up without being on acid) Dickhead leaves. Yeah. Off he fucks, leaving her to the mercy of the hobos at her window, and into the night to be the true monster he really is. But wait, there’s more. Remember the dick biting vampire? Well turns out she has figured out she made him into a vampire and has also been stalking HIM and is totally jealous of Sue, so tries to kill her. But again Sues Purity saves her, because sex before marriage which was done out of True Love is not a sin, so she is still a spiritual virgin and I’ll be honest, I started drinking heavily at this point and it’s all a bit of a blur.

A fight ensues some pages later after Dickhead returns, realizing the mistake he has made. And he rescues Sue from the Dick Biter, but not before he assaults Dick Biter, and calls her a slut for luring innocent men into alleys cuts her heart out by cutting her breasts off, at which point i screamed “THAT’S NOT HOW YOU REACH THE HEART” and my brain short circuited completely and I have no idea how it ends because I realized there was 30 pages left and my soul couldn’t take it. I emailed the chief editor like ?????!!!!!!????!!!!!! and the book was immediately pulled from the work line and the author dismissed from the publishing house. Turns out she was a friend of a friend and that was how she got the manuscript past our entry levels for requirement.

And that’s the story of how an author sent me death threats for over a month because I stopped her shitty vampire porn from ever seeing the light of day. You’re all fucking WELCOME.

EX-FUCKING-CUSE ME? WHAT DO YOU MEAN TV TROPES??

sorry every time I think about what happened to fall I get so fucking mad. apparently you can harass a woman back into the closet out of a kneejerk reaction to story you didn't even fucking read, and its fine. 0 consequences. who among us hasn't lead a witch hunt that ruined a woman's life. whoopsie!!

This is what they did to her. They didn’t read the story, and they said she couldn’t possibly speak to the trans experience, and she believed them. Not a single one of them will ever feel even a fraction of the pain palpable in these words, no matter how much they’ve earned it. It makes me inconsolably angry.

I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter is also really fucking good. Like. You should read it. Again, if you already have.

Meet new sewing pattern <Azuki> Work pants

I feel it’s a bit strange time to release a new product. But I also hope this helps people enjoying to spend time at home. Meet my new sewing pattern, Work pants <Azuki>. 

I am a big fan of utility/work items and making or sketching those a lot. This pattern was made with those researches.

The base of the pants design is a very authentic regular ~ loose-fitting straight pants. But there are many functional options inspired by traditional workwear, like a tool pocket, hammer loop or knee patches with 3D shape. Make them with all the fun options or just keep them simple for daily use as you like.

<Design options>

Besides the edge pockets on both sides, there are 3 additionals for the front pockets, thigh pocket with zipper, flap thigh pocket and detachable holster pocket. Please choose them as your usage.

Back pockets are also customizable. I personally like this asymmetric look but you can make them like normal denim pants.

There are many other details inspired trad work pants like adjuster belt, hummer loop, or knee patches. Making those details requires time but they are well worth the effort. I hope you enjoy choosing and customizing the detail.

<fabric recommendation>

The pattern is drafted for woven pants fabrics. For the authentic work pants, denim, canvas, duck, cotton twill or chino are suitable. I also want to try with water-repellent fabrics like oil-coated fabric, depending on the usage.

Although the pattern is for woven, I tried to make them with stretch. The yellow ocher sample in the photo was made with low tension(under 7%) stretch denim. I needed to adjust the pattern around hip about -6mm on Front and Back. If you need to use stretch fabric, I recommend a low tension one and to consider altering the pattern for fitting by making a muslin.

The salmon pink sample was made with mid-weight cotton duck with contrast fabric. It was very easy to handle and very fitting material for workwear.

Generally, woven fabrics are more durable than stretch so they are suitable for utility items. But when I researched a workwear trade show, I saw many companies are recently using stretch fabrics on full-body or some specific parts for helping body movement. In countries with humid weather, like my mother country Japan, it looks 100% cotton woven is still very standard for comfort.

*********************  The sewing pattern includes the 15 pages instruction and all the sewing processes are described with detailed illustrations. The pattern files are available for both homeprinter(A4 or USletter) and copy shop(A0/A1 format).

You can check other photos of this model on my Flickr page.

The Work pants -Azuki- (size 32-52) PDF sewing pattern is available here. Also in the Etsy shop.

Special discount price until 20th May with other summer patterns! No discount code needed! The sale page is here.

*****  Special offer +11EUR for Paper pattern and free shipping Paper pattern + PDF option is available with plus 11EUR. Shipping worldwide. But please note that, in the current situation, all the shipments are affected by the measure of COVID-19. There might be some shipping delays or accidents. *The paper includes only the pattern, please print out the instruction by yourself or read it with your tablet or PC.  The PDF + Paper listing page is here.

*In the sale period, the shipping of the paper pattern starts 21st May.

Enjoy your sewing!

(Japanese post here 日本語ポストはこちら).

*********************

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part one of doodle requests