sorry for [remembering a tumblr post about expressing gratitude instead of apologising to make the interaction more positive for the other person] i mean thank you for having a boyfriend who was so easy to run over withmy car and reverse over three times maybe four

*flies past*

truly so fucked that every single set photo and behind the scenes clip outmogs the final film. jon m chu jail time for fucking real oh my god literally they shot on location and built all these practical sets and for WHAT

THIS?????

oh my god they put so much work and craftsmanship into practical makeup/prosthetics and costumes and sets AND FOR WHAT!!!! for everything to come out looking like muddy backlit and/or washed out cgi slop????

“Jealousy is the flip side of a dream”

2026

collecting these

HOW could i forget this classic

how it all feels lately

Composition, anatomy and perspective! the primal forces that humble all artists

Foreshortening (derogatory)

Notice of Citation for Unauthorized Use of ":3"

As you already know, we very highly regard professional conduct at this company, and in the interest of that, we limit usage of emojis (including text based glyphs) to the following:

📈 (📉 NOT permitted)

These permitted emojis, used within the reasonable bounds of no more than 3 per diem, should be more than enough to express any notion you may want to express at the office.

On probation is also:

And

Which we currently permit the usage of once per week.

Please reflect on how your use of unauthorized glyphs such as ":3" reflects poorly on our company to our business partners and associates, and damages our reputation and credibility across the board.

Accrual of further citations may result in the issuance of a mandatory summons to the Chamber.

Below is the text included in the incident report:

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Communication Protocol Violations:

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Sometimes I can still hear their voice

Breaking: TikTok is better bc it’s more hostile towards humanity

The lack of video content is what kept us here... I thought we all agree that the best feature of this hellhole was and always will be anonymity.

Tumblr's not asking for my phone number. It's not going through my contacts to try and connect me with my fucking colleagues. I can come here and talk about whatever I want without anyone ever seeing my face or hearing my voice. I don't have to censor myself and hide my interests or enthusiasm out of fear of consequences it might have in my real life.

I think the biggest misunderstanding they have of Tumblr is that they think of it as a social media platform when in actuality it's a blogging platform with social features.

I like the use of Metroman here because if there's one thing Tumblr users collectively agree on it's that we want everyone to think we're dead

😔

wish we were still on Tumblr instead of the void

So I've got this friend whose nervous because she's trans and dating this guy who she hasn't told yet because they've only been on a two dates. For this story let's call the friend Jane and the guy she was dating Jason. Happy ending don't worry.

So I tell Jane to bring her boy over to a bbq I'm having and she can tell him she's trans at my place surrounded by queer and trans people who love her and will support her if he ends up being awful.

She waits till the end of the bbq to tell him the news, by which point the rest of us have learned that Jason is a kind, friendly, empathetic, hard working, dummy. So we sit down, all of us a little worried about this gym bro's reaction when she tells him she's trans, and that she understands if he doesn't want to keep dating her it's no big deal.

He's baffled, so we explain what trans is, and after the disclosure that she hasn't had bottom surgery yet...

"Oh you have a dick?"

"... yeah."

He look's around at the room full of people with baited breath, his clearly a little afraid girl friend says

"Oooohhhh! I get it! You think- don't worry Babe! Watch this!"

And ya'll this man jumps up, runs into the kitchen and returns with one of the bratwurst we had for grilling and proceeds to tilt his head back, put it down his throat, hold it in his mouth for a moment, and spit it up without even a whisper of a gag and then looks around at the group absolutely beaming with pride.

My mans saw his worried girlfriend and her support network and thought to him self "Oh they don't think I can't please my girl, but I'll show them!"

I do feel the need to add that later he excitedly tell the group that as a straight guy, he never thought that skill would be useful outside hotdog eating contests.

"Man its too bad that im straight since I've got like no gag reflex and all."

"Honey, I must tell you, i am in fact trans and I have not had bottom surgery."

"My god... everything's coming up Jason."

Pure of heart dumb of ass hetero of sexual

This was very fun! I hope I get chance to try it again sometime!

If I was a pokemon NPC I would definitely be in some corner of a library doing Pokemon based historical research on ghost types. Like can you get your stupid Bulbasaur out of here I have a deadline.

Yeah yeah I have a spiritomb. I bought a stupid book in a library overflow bin that HAPPENED to be haunted, and now I have to take care of this thing. It screams and knocks shit over unless I feed it wisdom, yeah turns out these things eat wisdom.

Yeah it doesn't really understand physical reality so it can only have play dates with other ghost types. I tried taking it to the park and it nearly hurled some lady's Flareon into traffic. So I had to buy a mismagius off Pokebook marketplace so it wouldn't get anxious and give me nightmares about my dad killing me.

My apartment is full of increasingly improbably ghost types that were offloaded onto me. Don't go in the closet. Yeah there a cofagrigus in there. But hey stand back check this out [I open the door really fast, the cofagrigus rips apart the rotisserie unfezant i got at the grocery store]

Hello skinny tgirl. Lately you've been complaining that your tits aren't growing. In front of you is a plate of food.

Unironically my tits grow faster for a few days every time I eat salmon

I should probably cook more salmon

Well yes salmon does have some fat in it! And it is good! Try and eat it with some carbs, like potatoes, or maybe blinis. Why not add some vegetables as well? Steamed brocolis, grilled leaks, roasted eggplant, and maybe some cream? That sounds delicious.

Idk who this man is but he is right. Eat girls

commas save lives,,, rip girls, you were delicious,

Girls can be eaten many times if you know what you’re doing.

No this is accurate

i didn’t know i needed an isekai where an awkward nerdy middle-aged dad who’s not a weirdo or a creep and died saving a child is reincarnated as an otome villainess except he’s too nice to be mean to anyone and just happy to have good eyesight now but i’m so glad it exists

I thought this was clickbait but no turns out a looted Olmec artifact depicting the mouth of Tepeyollotlicuhti, and symbolically marking an entrance to the underworld, was recovered in Denver and returned to Mexico.

Its called "Portal al Inframundo" look how cool this thing is.

have to be happy at the "returned to Mexico" part about this, thats amazing and what should happen with EVERY single historical artifact.

I DIDN’T LEARN ABOUT THIS IN DRIVING SCHOOL

Stop says the red light, go says the green

Wait says the yellow light, twinkling in between. 

KNEEL, SAYS THE DEMON LIGHT WITH ITS EYE OF COAL  SAURON KNOWS YOUR LICENSE PLATE  AND STARES INTO YOUR SOUL

THIS IS ALWAYS FUNNY

@irritatedlifeguard I agree with your tags.

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

hate it when the people who I love are suffering due to circumstances beyond my control 👎 there should be a sea monster that I can slay to fix the problem