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drowning in moonlight

@yournowheregirl / yournowheregirl.tumblr.com

alice | 28 | she/her | meet you in the dot above the i

writing my own version of heated rivalry but for double luge

was gonna go into more detail but honestly you get the picture

bathroom scene obviously diabolical for shane who had his cherry so lovingly popped six months ago and then has been ghosted and cried when he saw this man win the cup that was not just sex to him. but ilya knows he fucked up. shane could not be his priority in russia with the weight of expectation and old friends and his father sitting on his shoulders - that’s not who he is with shane. but that bitchy little “with who?” from shane before they went on stage, that little smirk it got out of ilya - that’s all he needed to know that shane would forgive him. he’s jealous still after six months of no contact the dick was that good. i keep seeing tags of ppl saying ilya never apologised. in that bathroom he was apologising the only way he knew how: via unnegotiated bdsm!!!!! which is so beautiful. he quietly and calmly said to shane i know what you need, let me give it to you. GOD!!!!! HE KNOWS WHAT SHANE NEEDS. and of course the sex is crazy he makes it a competition but it’s a trap bc shane wins by saying i need you!!! but him shutting down is because shane tries to take it back to russia, to his family, questioning who he is and what that means to him. completely understandable shutdown. he’s learning how to balance it all, he’s not succeeding. god they didn’t even KISS

thinking about the end of the 2 weeks. the last morning. the absolute reluctance to get out of bed. ilya zipping up his packed bag. the last time together making them run late. the kiss before they’re out the door. the one in the driveway. the last one in the car before they get to the airport. holding hands throughout the drive. the curt heartbreaking goodbyes because they can’t do anything else. because they already had to leave that all behind in the private safety of shane’s home. knowing they’re going forward but it’ll still be weeks, months before they’re back together again. the last look before ilya has to turn away and leave. shane sitting in the car watching ilya walk away. ilya walking into a crowded airport with the sting of it in his eyes. they saved my life not putting any of that on my screen id be suicidal

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