I say this every time, but people Do Not Realize just how short the timeline has been on gay people in kids’ media. And it’s an ongoing fight, but this was 10 - 15 years ago.
I’m not in the Steven Universe fandom. I don’t really even know the show. But the story she’s telling here is important to remember. What feels like small snippets of representation took a lot of fighting to get and it wasn’t as long ago as you think.
suddenly realized i haven’t seen a single tumblr post about yesterday’s ECJ ruling (that all EU countries must recognize same-sex marriages conducted in another EU country, even if the country in question does not have legal same-sex marriage). this is huge and feels like people on here would be more enthusiastic about it
reminder that “allies welcome” was once secret code for “those not out yet can still participate without putting themselves at risk”, and for those who aren’t out yet to comfortably exist in these spaces you have to let allies exist in those spaces too.
this is also important for queer people who don’t know anyone else there. let them bring their friend, even if the friend is cishet. many would rather not go at all, rather than go somewhere alone.
It is always better to let respectful cishets into our spaces than to try and police who is queer enough to be allowed.
When I was in high school (2004 - 2008, not that long ago), we had exactly one out person. One.
We also didn’t have a Gay Straight Alliance chapter yet. Virtually every support group you could find, even in navy blue states, was a local chapter of the GSA. You were much more likely to find that acronym than LGBTQ+.
Our school decided we wanted one, but we wanted to be inclusive, because we knew there were other letters. We called our group “Spectrum”, because it would cover everyone, including allies.
It took three meetings in front of the school’s board of directors to get permission for the club to exist. Again, this was a private school, in a mid-Atlantic state that has been navy blue and “progressive” for decades (even at that point).
Other than the one (1) kid who was out? Every single other member said we were Allies.
Nearly 20 years later, almost every single one of us is out as some flavor of queer.
A lot of us knew we were huge supporters of queer rights, we just didn’t quite know all the reasons why yet. Asexuality wasn’t discussed the way it is now, neither was any type of gender nonconformity. Hell, bisexuality was barely acknowledged, and even then it was mostly only given a nod as “girls who turn guys on by kissing girls” (biphobia was strong, and unfortunately still is).
Making sure allies have a space at our table ensures that people have the space to explore their own identity, to question if one of our labels might work for them too.
It also allows people who may have some baked-in prejudices realize that those prejudices are wrong. That we’re not evil and hateful, that we are actually pretty nice and friendly.
One time, some friends and I were at a pretty famous local gay bar, and this guy walked in looking like he was ripped out of the pages of Redneck Magazine. He looked super uncomfortable, but he was polite to the hostess and she sat him alone, near us. A lot of people were tense, and watching him out of the corner of our eyes, because we all knew what happened at Pulse.
But one of my friends is the person who knows absolutely everyone and goes out of their way to make new friends. He’s also a cis straight guy. He leans over, compliments the guy’s Carhartt jacket, and asks if he’s ever been to the place before.
The guy, who is still kind of tense, says his name is Johnny and no, he’s never been to no queer bar before, but his sister just came out to the family. Their parents were awful about it, and while he “didn’t understand it”, he didn’t think his sister should be disowned and hated the thought of seeing her cry, so he wanted to try and understand.
I remembered the story that’s made the rounds here- about the guy named Earl who went to a drag show and everyone made him feel welcome because they knew he needed to have a good time to prove we queer folks were safe.
So I invited Johnny to sit with us. “It’s more fun than sitting alone. Here, have some of my fries, I’m probably not going to finish them anyway.”
He sat at our table, and when he found out that my friend was also a cis straight guy, he visibly relaxed. So did a lot of other patrons, once they realized he wasn’t there to cause violence.
Over the next few hours, he ate great food, had a couple beers, clapped and smiled at the drag shows, and asked a LOT of questions. At first, he was using language we might call “un-PC” (the kind that would get you cancelled on this webbed site). But he realized we were using different words, and asked. He asked why the old words were wrong, why the newer ones were right, and how not to be offensive.
The staff found out what was going on, and eventually a card got passed around the whole joint and everyone wrote supportive messages for Johnny’s sister Lila. This big tough man felt safe enough to cry a little in front of us queer strangers, because we instantly accepted his sister as one of our own, as family, even though we’d never met her.
I’d later found out from the staff that Johnny had returned, more than once. A couple times with Lila herself, and a couple times with his friends… who were gruff and suspicious at first, but won over by the end of the night.
We need to be a safe space for allies. For people who may not use all the Correct And Accepted Special Words but genuinely want to understand and accept us. As someone who is both asexual and nonbinary, I felt way safer with Johnny (despite him using outdated terminology for a while) than I do with a lot of people on THIS QUEER ASS WEBSITE.
Allies are sometimes members of the family that don’t even know they’re in the closet yet, because they don’t know the closer includes people like them.
Allies are sometimes people who don’t know the right words or behaviors, but still want to support someone they love.
Scooting over and making a safe, welcoming space for allies will always be important. And it will help us get closer to that world of acceptance we want to see.
My memory of The Birdcage (1996) is always that it’s more dated and more difficult to watch than it actually is. You hear “drag-themed comedy from the 90s based on a musical from the 80s based on a play from the 70s” and you brace yourself just a little, right? But the film has a strong gay perspective, so the fruity fag jokes mostly come off as warmly affectionate. There is a surprising amount of poignancy in Robin Williams’ portrayal of Armand, grudgingly agreeing to his beloved son’s request that he go back into the closet for an evening (“do me a favor and don’t talk to me for a while”). The drag club’s staff attempting to redecorate the apartment with stuff straight people might like (a taxidermy moose head, an enormous crucifix, and Playboy magazine) is extremely funny. Albert’s histrionics are a point of tension because he does often come off as a stereotypically pathetic/comic figure, but towards the end of the movie he makes it very clear that he’s aware of how people see him, and asserts that trying to copy a stoic masculinity he doesn’t possess for the sake of social approval would bemore pathetic. In the 1983 musical adaptation, they give “Albert” (Albin) the only good song in the whole show, “I Am What I Am”, which Gloria Gaynor covered to the delight of gays everywhere. Apparently Nathan Lane wasn’t (publicly) out yet in 1996, which is amazing because it means that at one point in this movie you’re watching a gay man playing a straight man playing a gay man playing a straight man, in a movie about how it’s important to be yourself, an absurdity that does seem to encapsulate the state of gay America in the 90s.
I’m seeing a couple of posts circulating about the gay 90s and this movie. The above is a very good summary, and I think it’s worth adding a few other points.
This movie got made because Robin Williams said yes to it (and it’s important that Gene Hackman did as well). Williams in the 90s was a mega-star of a type that’s not present in the current media environment (maybe Tom Cruise, but I personally think that’s echo from his salad days). Even his flops made money on the back end in the video rental market, which also doesn’t exist anymore (streaming is different). Hackman was on the other side of his A-list career but still Hollywood nobility if not full royalty.
Playing gay was considered career suicide in the 90s. There had been a number of actors who put lie to that belief stretching back decades, but this was Williams and Hackman (yes, being on screen next to a gay character was enough to get you blacklisted) saying “screw that” and doing it anyway.
Being gay and out was career suicide in the 90s.
Nathan Lane had a really nice gig going for himself. The Lion King put him into the Disney rep company with people like Williams, Bette Midler, and Whoopie Goldberg (check their IMBD list from the 90s–they were making bank at Disney).
I don’t want to imply that this was a Sorkinized moment where everything changed because of one thing, but this was a very important movie that caused real movement in the needle on queer acceptance.
It also proved that there was a market for films with gay characters, which had the knock-on effect of gay filmmakers being able to find distributors of their gay-themed films. Which meant that more people than ever (queer and non-queer) got to see representation on-screen.
I might be a little late but hey I’m living up to the chaotic bisexual stereotype right??
I decided to group bisexual and sapphic together as I found that there were some characters who didn’t have an explicitly confirmed sexuality (or I missed them when I originally made my lesbian post)
So there’s a post going around complaining about American Imperialism and Pride, blaming queer Americans for other countries doing Pride stuff in June.
And I’ve chosen not to reblog it for a lot of reasons.
First off, it’s blaming American Queer people for making Pride “international.” This ignores the history of the movement. The whole reason it’s called “Pride” comes from the people who were celebrating the anniversary of Stonewall. The reason this term (and the June date in some places) was adopted in other cities in the US, let alone countries, was as a show of solidarity as a movement. This was a choice made by marginalized people in those other places, and not an act of “imperialism.” While this was starting, we were fighting to have any kind of “Pride” events in the US to begin with.
The OP says that they’re in aotearoa, and claims their pride should be in July, not June, because they earned their rights. They acknowledge that the official pride months in New Zealand (which differ by state) are in February and March – but it misses the god damn point.
Pride isn’t about having won anything. No one won any rights at Stonewall, nor was any historic legislation passed that day.
It was a god damned riot.
Pride is about the fight. It’s about the day we decided to fight back.
Pride is about celebrating our ability to fight for our own existence.
If you don’t want to celebrate it in June? Fine. I genuinely don’t care when you choose to celebrate the fight – I just care that you’re fighting and I’m happy to stand alongside you. If you think people need to learn more about queer history in your country too? Awesome. I’d love to learn it. Share some resources or try teaching us.
But this weird attitude that it’s somehow American Queer people’s fault that your own community decided to adopt the anniversary of a riot in the US is just insane to me. They chose it to show solidarity, because when we fight for us, we’re fighting for you too and vice versa. Especially in a year when American Queer people are fighting for their lives more than they’ve had to for a long time with the attacks on the Trans community, it feels pretty fucked up to equate those getting stepped on by the boot with the boot itself.
And maybe that poster is just young and hasn’t thought about it. Maybe they’re just frustrated that their nation’s own queer history isn’t more widely known. But this is also the exact kind of thing that gets fed into communities like this one in an attempt to divide it.
Don’t fucking fall for it.
Thinking about this more, what’s missing from a lot of this discussion is an understanding of queer solidarity.
When we talk about things like cultural imperialism, it’s important to note that there are gray areas. Like there are people who will argue that when a populace voluntarily adopts the culture of another country it’s cultural imperialism. I don’t jive with that definition, because it implies that every cultural export is an act of imperialism.
But even if you do, it gets complicated when you consider groups like the queer community. Marginalized groups often share an identity that transcends borders. People engaged in an activist movement may see themselves as a part of that over nationality. Like when Stonewall UK named themselves that not because they saw the Stonewall riot as an American event, but as a queer event. From their point of view, it was their riot too.
So when someone, especially when they come from a Commonwealth Nation, complains about this and calls it cultural imperialism, it seems strange and ahistorical to me.
One thing I didn’t consider, which the comment section on that post has taught me, is that a lot of these folks see their “community” mostly as what they see online. And since they’re using US based social media platforms, they’re just seeing US stuff.
And like… on the one hand, it sucks that the internet is so centralized (and I’ve been railing against that for a while), but for those folks it’s weird to me that you’d show up at a place full of Americans based out of the US and be shocked that they’re talking about the world they live in and know.
But it’s like… the Americans there don’t have anywhere else to go and are just trying to exist. While it sucks that there aren’t other places, they don’t have other places to go either.
So, yeah… in summation queer Americans talking about Pride aren’t responsible for other countries not knowing their own queer history, acts of historical queer solidarity is not cultural imperialism, it sucks that the centralized internet prevents people from building good online community spaces, and I genuinely have a headache.
Also the corporations that control media and major online platforms around the world suck, but I’m going to go order Dairy Queen via doordash now so I’m probably not helping anything tonight.
this is perhaps beside the point, but even across the USA, pride is celebrated at different times of the year depending on the place. where i live, it’s common to see pride merch and folks participating in pride events during june, but the actual pride parade happens in the autumn when the weather has cooled down because it’s waaaay too hot to be out all day for a parade here right now.
Sometimes i feel like younger queer kids are getting a bit to bold with openly talking to people they don’t know In The Context Of:
More than once i have had a younger/same age queer person come up to me in public settings and say something about “finding other gays” or clearly clocking me as nonbinary and I’m like :)))))))) hey buddy I’m here with my conservative parents can you fucking not out me :))))))))
Just say you like my outfit or hair and move on, fuck even tell me you like my shoelaces. Don’t call me gay and limp your wrist at me when you don’t even know me? Especially when there’s a bunch of ppl around?
i was out with my ex once when three *very* young queer kids, like thirteen years old, came up to us and asked us “are you guys, you know…” and did the limp wrist thing at us. one of them loudly exclaimed that it was so cool to meet other queer people in real life. this was in public in an unbelievably conservative area - we didn’t even feel safe holding hands because we were surrounded by Mormons. we got lucky that day, but I’m begging y’all to remember that the world doesn’t work like the internet. other queers are real fuckin people. don’t do this shit. OP is right; tell me you like my jacket, or my patches, or the rainbow spokes on my wheelchair, but don’t out either of us!
This used to be standard operating procedure not even ten years ago: NEVER OUT OTHER QUEERS, even if they’re supposedly already out. Never assume that it’s okay to let third parties know that so-and-so is queer. Ever. You never know when you’ve found the one uncle with the heart condition that they can’t bear to risk telling, or the one neighbor who’s just threatening enough that they don’t mention it around, or even the grandma that they haven’t gotten around to mentioning it to yet. You might have just ruined a very important milestone for someone, or you could have put them at actual risk of harm.
Also… stop freaking assuming. If you don’t see a pride flag on them, please don’t just assume. You can’t tell ANYTHING about a person’s gender or partner preferences by what they’re wearing on any given day, what their hair looks like, or whether or not they’re using makeup. You legit cannot, and you look like a jerk when you try.
this is even more important now that Trump is in power.
some people will be choosing to live in the closet and it is not your job to pressure them one way or the other.
protect your lgbtq siblings - honor their choices - and never talk to cops, collaborators, and snitches.
Younger queer people have grown up in a better world, but we’re in a time of backsliding right now. Do NOT out other queer people. Also, I’m not gonna tell you how to present yourselves in public………..but please, I am begging you to re-evaluate HOW safe you are in the current climate.
in absolute tears about the pride module at my work
HOLY SHIT GUYS, I WAS INSPIRED BY THIS POST TO TRY MAKE THE SONG AND YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE SCREAM I SCRUMPT WHEN I DRAGGED THE TRAINING AUDIO OVER THE BACKING TRACK AND IT LINED UP PERFECTLY
The slur songSLRSLR
Tempted to actually put this on spotify so I can secretly stream it at work…
Tagging @batshit-auspol because as an Australian you’re the only big account I know who might share (sorry).
queer people on this site really make me feel like a confused straight guy at pride. the discourse here could kill a man
“why polyamorous people aren’t valid” “mspec lesbians AREN’T okay actually” “aroallos are freaks” “he/him dni. cis men dni” “this post is for non-men only” yessss and the one with long hair goes in the girl box, then the one with short hair goes in the boy box!!
maybe I’m just a boring he/him white guy but inventing about 7 trillion terms to define “man” and “woman” so you can reinforce gender essentialism isn’t very “love is love” of you. maybe i just don’t have a sexuality but picking and choosing what sexualities are normal and which ones are “weird and predatory” sounds like we’re all a bunch of republicans on fox news. if you attend your local pride parade and look REAAALLLYYY closely, you’ll notice you can’t actually tell if someone’s gay or not from their appearance, and there’s no way to know if they’re “invading queer spaces”. maybe it’s just me, but when i attended my local gaybar last night for the drag show, they didn’t ask for my gay-card with a peer reviewed diagnosis of faggot stamped on it. they just let me in the building. i live a life of bliss and luxury in not caring about any queer discourse ever, and just going “WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY :-)” while booting up the latest cod game. and it seems much more fun than whatever the fuck you people are on about
muting my notifs for this post but i need to acknowledge this first. My favorite tags fr 🙏
