having a favourite animal you're associated with rules because people will send you beast related things and it'll make your day everytime

life could be so much easier if i could oscillate between a pussy and a dick at will but im sure many people feel this way

Btw you should do this

Have you guys noticed how much the internet/technology just does not listen to you anymore? I click “don’t show this artist” on Spotify and I get recommended a music video by them on the front page. I click “skip this update” on a pop up every time I open a file organization app and it’s right back there every time. O click unsubscribe on a newsletter and it keeps showing up in my inbox!! I click “delete my account” and the next time I open the website they suggest I “reactivate”.

Power is a funny thing.

Let us just appreciate that this person’s dad didn’t know when they would be home and so he couldn’t plan for them to be able to join the family for dinner, but he knew with no doubts that dear sweet Meatloaf staying in that exact position for hours was an absolute in this scenario. Truly, that cat was named well.

one of my favorite posts on tumblr over the course of 5 fucking years.. clearly i need a life

Meatloaf is a reliable cat and did not steal the money for selfish reasons. A rare friend.

Refer to England as “a mysterious and warlike nation off the coast of western Asia”

‘I realized my husband jumped from his relationship to his babymama to his relationship with me just so he’d have someone to do childcare-’ yes, this is common, this is why a lot of people try to warn young childless women away from dating older men with kids. ‘so I’m going to move us away from his children and try to get him out of paying child support so we can have a happy relationship together.’ damn, I was wrong, maybe you deserve each other after all.

the authors open fetish that complements the themes of their work

important plot device thats also just authors fetish. call that a jackoffs gun