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*SPLAT!*

@goo-offical

I am goo
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Recipe for disaster.

You will need:

1. A bottle of whatever alcohol that isn't expensive but has a high alc content.

2. A rag or bit of cloth.

3. Some form of flammable liquid eg: kerosene, petrol

4. Something to create fire with.

What to do:

1. Open the bottle.

2. Douse the rag in the kerosene.

3. Shove the rag in the bottle so a bit more than half is sticking out.

4. Light the rag on fire.

5. Throw your non magic fireball at whomever you want.

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Why would i, a powerful mage, need a non magic Fireball?!

Also, i suggest you duck... there might be a Very much Magic fireball rapidly approaching you right now...

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Because

*steals all your mana and absorbs your fireball*

That might happen

Bad idea buckeroo, my casting is mana less... my power comes from the realm between realms. So that wont stop my magic.

Oh i also have this... My axe, and a pistol and my other axe! I'm a Battlemage goddamn it! Why does everyone think i am weak without magic?!

Because you're standing on a landmine

And i am still wearing my armor...

BATTLEMAGE what's so hard to understand about that??

It's a landmine that has the power to level a city block

And my armor is designed by yours truly to take blows from demi gods and still protect me...

It's a custom, inlaid with multiple protection gems and made from a highly enchantable alloy!

You mean this armour?

*gestures to my warforged homunculus wearing your armour and then gestures to you in your pantaloons*

The armour that I stole?

*gestures to me wearing the armour*

This armour?

No, i mean the real armor. The one that'll burn one that isn't me when they try to wear it.

The one i am currently wearing.

You, youngling, are testing my nerves, you and your illusions and threats. Be careful that you don't burn yourself...

*i suddenly stand mere centimetres from your Face holding a single flame in my palm directly in front of your nose between us*

You don't know who i am, or what i am capable of.

*shoots you with a cannon because I was actually standing 10 metres away*

NOR YOU APPARENTLY!!!!!!!!!

*I Slickly evade the cannon ball and return fire with a charged Plasma pistol*

*removes the word "slickly"*

Ha this fucker fell on his face. What a loser

*rolls a 18 (+3) to fucking kills you*

This feels like kids playing pretend trying to one up each other

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Reblogged

I CANT FIND MY BONNET

DONT MAKE ME USE THE BEANIE AGAIN IT NEVER STAYS ON

why do you wear ꓯ bonnet 😭

bc I have curly hairy and a bonnet gets rid of like 6 problems

is one of the problems the sunlight while you are churning butter?

yeah but I meant one of these?

I thought you meant one of these

I thought you were dressing like ꓯ pilgrim or smthn 😭

im cackling

vaild misunderstanding

you know what? I challenge it this time

make it happen if you can

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he has a terrible terrible point that anyone with a brain would rather not consider

(i think maybe the electricity overload technically gave albearto life... or sentience maybe? but i dont think it would have happened to a robot donnie HADNT tampered with so hes at least partially responsible. plus look how guilty his blame deflection was, he knows it was on him)

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I don't know why this was a Peridot-coded outfit for me, but I had to draw it on her! I imagine she's going to a show or something and is taking one of her little robot sphere guys as a plus-one (Lapis stayed home to get some long-needed quiet time). I might add a background, I might not, but here we go!

Screenshot of the ref (from Pintrest) and uncolored version under the cut!

that’s enough emotions for a whole year. ciao

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insert-chaotic-enby-name

The earlier in the year you reblog this the better it gets

If you see the quote "I refuse to share my body with a man who wouldn't defend it politically" or any variation of it floating around the internet — it was Kat Blaque who originally said it and she would really appreciate it if people gave her proper credit for it but it's gone viral on a lot of different platforms and most of the people sharing it don't know it's from her or choose not to credit her on purpose.

Like I just know terfs are going to be parroting it pretending it wasn't said by a black trans woman about herself & her life.

glad that im not popular enough to have an evil shadow version of my blog that exists just to make contradictions on my posts

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totheorder

:)

Do Not Do This To Me

if this post hits 200k im printing it out and eating it

Achievement Unlocked:

Daily Recommended Dose of Fiber

Make an ill-advised promise within earshot of a gimmick blog.

Quick someone add a fucked-up car so we can get @identifying-cars-in-posts

1976-1977 Oldsmobile Cutlass

That car is not messed up enough. Here.

1981-1983 Delorean DMC-12

I'll write a hauiku as a comment on this post and hope the bot sees

I’ll write a hauiku

as a comment on this post

and hope the bot sees

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

CAT SPOTTED!!☆ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

Fine kitty appearing during our time of need! This Delightful beast only appears once every 1000 years for the small price of $2.50!

I choose @weirdly-specific-but-ok ! And it's effective!

the second i saw someone chose me for something i felt deep irrational fear. what eldritch demon is this site sacrificing me to now?

oh are we eating paper is that a thing because i am down baby

If someone asks what Tumblr is, show them this thread.

@turtleneck-crowley @ivankaramazov07 isn't this magic. :D :D ;D

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ivankaramazov07-deactivated2024

TUMBLR IS HUMAN CULTURE AT ITS FINEST I TELL YOU THE DOCTOR WOULD BE PROUD TO SEE US IDIOTS. IVE SHENANID-ONCE, ILL SHENAN-AGAIN

to all those who got the ducktales reference, i send my love and kisses

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ivankaramazov07-deactivated2024

@probablyautism thnx for remembering the weirdest tumblrina on the planet. also can u explain to ur local grandma what she has to do(apologies are afoot)

So tap on the link above my character and simply make your own it could be an OC or you or your sona, anything.

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ivankaramazov07-deactivated2024

ON IT BESTIE!

im here watching this lmao, funniest shit i seen

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ivankaramazov07-deactivated2024

NOT THE KILGRAVE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

oh and @probablyautism here u go luv

CMON FOLKS

DO IT

here you are!!

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ivankaramazov07-deactivated2024

@mystic-mae IM IN LOVE WITH YOUR PICREW!!!!!! beautiful business.

Wild how I keep returning to this goddamn post. @queermarzipan ball's in your court babe.

It may still need help getting to 200,000.

Here's Aziraphale in disguise:

And here's a backstage shot of the Gentlemen in 1941 suits:

@tothechaos will you print and eat the entire post? If so, here is a long joke. Don't choke:

A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people.

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, he’s offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him.

The next day, he’s led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.

There’s never been a failure before. But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free.

Within a week’s time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one.

He doesn’t care that he can’t drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people.

Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train.

His last meal request is a single banana. When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He goes free again.

The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it.

His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death.

They ask him what he’d like for his last meal. “A single banana,” he says.

“Oh, no you don’t, you son of a bitch. We’re on to you, now. We know all about your little banana trick, and you’re not escaping this time!”

The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler.

The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.

Did you give him the banana?” demands the head guard.

“No, sir! He asked for the banana but we didn’t give it to him, we swear!” says one of the guards.

Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. He was just a really bad conductor.

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violet-the-red-panda-deactivate

JEFF, CHANGE YOUR FUCKING URL

Quick! Gordon Ramsey has tasked you to come up with a new recipe with a rather special ingredient: 'this trainwreck of a Tumblr post printed out on paper'. You don't have much time as the exquisite guest will enter the doors of your fancy establishment the moment this post hits 200k notes. Come up with a recipe. Please provide detailed instructions.

Chaos Course Set Meal

Bespoke 9 course meal meant to be enjoyed by @tothechaos

Foreword:

As tasked by the prolific Gordan Ramsey, this 9 Course endeavour will feature the post in its entirety segmented into 9 delightfully ornate, unreasonably complex yet delectably unparalleled dishes. In the following, we'll see how to prepare each of these dishes.

Course One

Dish name: 10k notes of Hubris

10k Notes of Hubris is a simple risotto with saffron infusion and forest mushrooms, topped with shavings of the top 9th piece of this post, printed in full colour, regular stock. Due to the nature of a 9 course setting, it is wise to start with a simpler dish.

Ingredients (serves four people):

1 teaspoon of saffron

300g carnaroli rice

50g extra virgin olive oil

20g butter

5g shallots

1l vegetable broth

parsley (to taste)

100g porcini mushrooms

80g portobello mushrooms

100g brown mushrooms

5g truffle oil

5g lemon peel and lemon juice

30g parmesan cheese

thyme (a dash)

5g garlic

A pinch of salt and pepper

The first 9th of this post, printed in full colour with regular stock.

Method:

In a saucepan, pour the oil and the chopped shallot(s), then add the rice and saffron and toast

Pour the broth a little at a time and cook slowly. Allow to cook before adding salt and black pepper. Stir in butter, grated parmesan cheese, chopped parsley, truffle oil, lemon juice and peel.

In a separate saucepan, cook the mushrooms with oil, garlic, thyme, salt and black pepper.

Presentation:

At the base of the dish pour the risotto, complete with forest mushrooms and basil leaves. Shave the printed top 9th of the post and sprinkle on top. Drizzle a dash of olive oil before serving.

The next dish and recipe of this 9 course meal, complete with the next 9th of the post printed and incorporated, will be presented by another chef.

hi jeff (:

i don't what's more wild to me, how much we are all working on giving someone ink poisoning or learning that @writing-prompt-s has @one-time-i-dreamt 's phone number

I have been summoned many, many times

This post is already one of the most epic I have ever seen. Keep going!

The tumblr post equivalent of the fall of ceasar. Well can't miss my turn with the knife.

HAHA. BE PREPARED

THIS IS JUST THE A’S

@babymonkeyofficial @ballofyarn-offical @baby-offical @batman-offical @bard-offical @beehive-offical @belial-offical @bear-offical @brucie-wayne-offical @britishparent-offical @bye-offical @bystander-offical @burnout-offical @butch-offical @bubonic-plague-offical @bugs-offical @bi-offical y@bisexual-offical @birdie-offical @bill-cipher-offical @boothill-offical @boris-the-burglar-offical @blacknailpolishoffical

@councilor-bronte-offical @cardi-alphabet-anon-offical @cambridge-latin-course-offical @crystal-ball-offical @carlos-offical @cassandra-offical @child-offical @chachiboi-offical @chappell-roan-offical @chickens-offical @closeted-child-offical @clydedonovan-official @closet-offical @clothmotherofficial @clipboard-offical @ceiling-offical @cello-offical @cecelia-rios-offical @cervical-vertebrae-offical @crazy-scientist-offical @crabs-offical @crabs-offical @creakyfloorboard-official @cyanide-offical @curiosity-kills-offical @cucumber-offical @cuddle-offical @cute-na-kanojo-offical @cia-offical @cishet-offical @councilor-bronte-offical @compact-disc-offical @cookbook-offical @concrete-offcal @computer-plague-offical @czechia-offical

@dogpoo-petuski-official @deerstalker-hat-offical @dam-offical @damien-thorn-offical @daisy-wells-offical @dsmp-offical @deactived-offical @detention-offical @desert-offical @despair-officoal @drop-bear-offical @drawings-offical @dragon-offical @drinking-offical @dygsrahpia-offical @dusk-offical @dungeon-master-offical @duck-offical @dice-offical @dino-kid-offical @dinosaur-nuggets-offical @doomedbythenarrativeoffical @dolphin-offical @dougie-official @donnie-offical @dnd-blood-hunter-offical

@elliot-offical @ever1s-fav-sidechara-offical @emo-catboy-offical @emo-gay-cousin-offical @elephant-shrew-offical @earth-offical @edible-offical @eden-snake-offical @eggman-eggpire-offical @elephant-shrew-offical @elias-bouchard-offical @elizaschuylerofficial @elvis-offical @eternalsugar-cookie-offical @epa-offical @enderman-offical @enmu-offical @ena-offical @emmanuel-macron-offical @emo-older-brother-offical @emo-offical @eminem-throws-stuff-offical

@fairy-offical @fandom-offical @fancy-rock-offical @faa-offical @ffej-offical @flow-free-offical @ferg-offical @femboy-offical @french-peasant-offical @fresno-nightcrawler-offical @frickyoumarrieofficial @freyja-offical @ftm-offical @fyp-psychology @full-moon-offical @fintan-pyren-offical @fireball-offical @fish-offical @fire-offical @fozzie-bear-offical @following-every-offical-burntou @forest-offical @fourth-wheel-offical

@genderstealeroffical @goth-older-sister-offical @gwi-ma-offical @gametoons-offical @gatekeep-offical @gaslight-offical @gaslighting-offical @ghost-inyour-attic-offical @glitter-offical @gender-euphoria-offical @gender-dysphoria-offical @grover-underwood-offical @grandson-offical @greed-offical @greg-house-offical @grammar-offical @girlboss-offical @girl-scouts-offical @girlfriend-offical @girl-offical-deactivated2025082 @gimkit-offical

@hello-offical @hanahaki-disease-offical @hazel-levesque-offical @hazard-to-society-offical @hazel-wong-offical @heather-duke-offical @heather-chandler-offical @hyperfixation-offical @human-joe-offical @horseman-war-offical @horseman-death-offical @horseman-famine-offical @homophobia-offical @hot-topic-offical @homosexuality-offical

@is-there-clown-offical @idaho-official @illi-mcmillin-offical @ireland-offical @item-shop-offical @italyoffical @its-evil-target-offical @iced-coffee-offical @icarus-offical @indoraptor-offical @insubordinate-brass-offical @incorrect-corrector-offical @immortal-snail-offical @imp6492920172660301659303offical @imp-6point9-offical @imp-offical @imp-3782-offical @jason-dean-offical @j0ker- @icarus-officalanon-offical @jason-grace-offical @john-doe-offical @jet2-holiday-offical @jeff-offical @jehova-offical @jesus-offical @jesterofmcdonalds-offical @jurassic-park-official @jonathan-sims-offical @john-watson-offical @job-application-offical

@kentucky-offical @kirby-offical @kira-offical @kayla-knowles-offical @kazakhstan-offical @kat4884-offical @khaos-offical @kenric-fathdon-offical @kayla-knowles-offical @keyboard-offical @kennymccormick-offical @kylebroflovski-official @kind-grandma-offical @knife-guy-offical @knights-templar-offical @knife-offical

@lemon-emoji-offical @luke-castellan-offical @labyrinth-offical @lady-macbeth-offical @lemon-shark-offical @lester-papadopoulos-offical @leo-valdez-offical @lust-offical @lucifer-official @lightyagami-offical @limeade-offical @lie-detector-offical @life-offical @loquacious-cat-offical

@milk-official-blog @magic-8ball-offical @mash-burnedead-offical @martin-blackwood-offical @mlm-god-offical @megumi-nakajima-offical @mean-girl-offical @memes-offical @melinoe-offical @mr-d-offical @mr-holmes-and-dr-watson-offical @mystic-flour-cookie-offical @music-recommendations-offical @mum-offical @mud-offical @murder--offical @music-offical @milk-official-blog @ming-official @mindelectric-offical-deactivate @moray-eel-offical @mold-offical @moth-offical @monster-the-drink-official @modesty-offical @mcyt-offical

@nasa-official @neighbor-offical @no-sleep-offical @navigator-offical @napoleon-offical @neighborhood-watch-offical @nevada-offical @newest-silly-offical @neopronouns-offical @nyx-offical @nutter-butter-offical @numbers-offical @nico-di-angelo-offical @niko-offical @nixon-official @nz-south-island-offical @nb-older-sibling-offical @nb-sibling-offical @nblnb-god-offical

@offical-dystopiantale @offical-potato @official-plut0-blog @ostrich-maffia-offical @odysseus--offical @odymisseshiswife-official @offical-satann @officialpluto-blog @old-sailor-offical @old-english-offical @old-mcdonald-farmer-offical @orange-cat-offical @orlando-offical @orange-cat-official @orange-solo-cup-offical @otter-offical @ouppy-offical @open-door-offical @oppossum-offical @oxford-dictionary-offical @octavian-offical @obi-wan-offical @onion-opinions-offical

@pluto-official @plutoofficial-blog @pingu-offical @prince-zuko-offical @paul-blofis-offical @pants-shitter-official @pastry-cookie-offical @pain---offical @pavement-offical @ps2-offical @psyche-offical @philotes-offical @playlistnames-offical @plurality-offical @plushie-offical @period-cramps-offical @percy-jackson-offical @pepsi-offical @pearto-official @period-offical @profile-stanmarsh-official @prince-of-all-saiyans-offical @pri-demon-th--offical @prometheus-offical @polybuzz-offical @positivity-offical @poeschild-michael-offical @politic-offical @police-dog-offical

@quiet-negativity-offical @queercoded1920smanoffical @queensnowfall-offical @queer-offical @queer-detector-offical

@rat-jester-offical @rachel-elizabeth-dare-offical @ragebait-offical @real-human-offical @rednailpolishoffical @revenge-offical @russia-offical @rubberduck-offical @rivulet-offical @rick-roll-offical @riverman-offical @riggytherunkey-offical @ribcage-offical @rob-the-robber-offical @rouxls-kaard-offical @royal-margarine-cookie-offical

@satan-offical-autistic-offical @sara-berry-offical @sad-meal-offical @satans-pitchfork-offffical @satans-spiders-offical @satan-unofficial @satan-offical @shrike-offical @shadow-dimension-offical @shadow-milk-cookie-offical @skys-offical @skitter-official @sloth-offical @sleep-offical @sleeping-offical @slime-offical @squid-offical @sweden-offical @sebastian-solace-offical @selfcare-offical @secretary-bird-offical @security-guard-official @summer-penguin-officalpenguin-offical @south-africa-offical @sometimes-cis-offical @sorcerer-offical @spain-offical @spellingbeechamp-rebeccaofficial @speechbubbles-offical @spring-bonnie-offical @spelking-eror-offical @scene-older-brother-offical @scott-tenorman-official @scott-malkinson-offical @screaming-offical @schrodingers-joe-offical @shenanigans-offical

@tag-games-offical @tf2-spy-offical @tgirl-offical @thejoker-offical @tweek-official @twink-offical @twitterx-offical @twokidsinatrenchcoatoffical @temu-offical @tech-priest-offical @teeth-offical @tesco-offical @trans-older-brother-offical @trans-official @trudeau-official @triceratops-official @tyrannosaurus-rex-offical @tyrannosaurus-rex-offical @turtle-offical @turtles-offical @tumbleweed-offical @tiny-evil-wizard-offical @tim-drake-offical @time-loop-researcher-offical @timmyoffical @timothy-stoker-offical @tophat-offical @tboy-offical @tm4tm-offical

@udot-offical @uterus--offical @utahime-offical @unholy-fern-official @ufo-offical @ur-least-fav-gal-offical @utatane-piko-official @unicode-offical @undecided-offical

@vaporeon-offical @valid-offical @vampiremonarch-offical

@wall-ghost-offical @watermelon-offical @wales-offical @warlock-offical @walter-becker-official @whitewhale-offical @whale-shark-offical @whitenailpolishoffical @wlw-god-offical @weevil-offical @wrath-offical @will-byers-offical @will-solace-offical @wine-aunt-offical @window-offical @will-wood-offical @worcestershire-offical

@xenogender-offical @xen-offical

@yaoi-offical @your-bed-offical @yarilo-offical @yearning-offical @yeehaw-offical @yeti-offical @youtubemusic-offical

@zergling-offical @zest-offical @zeus-offical

WOE. OFFICALVERSE ME APON YE

Damn this is such a short post :/

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