"can you take care of this" i already did. an hour ago. i'm the fastest secretary in the west. i am the swiftest gazelle sprinting on the field of schedules and phone calls and emails. secretariat? the triple crown record holder? that was me too. seabiscuit get fucked. turning you to glue. i redid your dumbass filing system while i was at it. fuck with me

Me for the last 15 years: im a bit burnt out rn but im sure next week will be different

there's always some bullshit happening on reddit

do you ever get friendlust. like. you just see someone and you’re like. man. i have such a friendcrush on you. i wanna be ur friend so bad. i wanna be more than a friend. i wanna be a BEST friend u hear me. ur so cool. i admire u a lot and ur so funny. plz b my bffl. i will treat u right. let me be ur drake-friend. no other friend will treat u like i would

Queer as in fuck ICE.

didn’t jesus do something similar to that

Fascinated by the people who comment on online recipes like

"I tried making this vegetable dip! I didn't have mayo so I just used low fat yogurt instead, and we are doing keto so I replaced the sour cream with lard. My husband is deathly allergic to citrus fruit so to get the same tang I added vinegar instead of lime juice. I used pancake mix instead of garlic, and since I didn't have salt, pepper, paprika, onion powder, parsley, or dill, I substituted with pumpkin spice and ground-up civet skull. My husband hated it :( I don't know what I did wrong."

Well ma'am, first of all, you made the Dip of Theseus.

#this is not like the ship of theseus

#since in the ship of theseus the parts are replaced with replicas

#this is like theseus building his ship out of grass and rocks and complaining to the designer that it doesn't float

(tags: @charlesoberonn)

When you're trying to forget your years old situationship but his manager is Yuna Hollander so you see his face everywhere...

pornhub.com/ frail men fainting

pornhub.com/frail 18th century men passing out from blood loss after the doctor bleeds them

google

google . fragile 18th century men coughing delicately and fanting

Rachel Reid officially announces her new Game Changers book titled "Unrivaled" which follows on from "The Long Game" and is set to debut Fall 2026 (via people)

HEATED RIVALRY | ROSE (1.04)

he was bracing himself for bad news

my corner store guy is a 50 year old man who's my best friend in the world and recently he was like "you're too pretty to be single I have some nephews you should meet. very handsome!" and I was like "a niece might be more up my alley" and he just got more excited and said "ah even better! I was overselling my nephews but my nieces are very beautiful"

OP the tags!!

ways sex can be improved:

- clothes on

- no penetration

- dry humping

not to be vague but.

okay sure it’s your post now