About Me - TL;DR

  • Name: Julia/Julie! Aka; Blackhole, Not-Terezi-Pyrope.
  • Pronouns: She/her.
  • Demography: Bisexual polyamorous trans woman, with three partners. “White British”, born and living in London, UK.
  • Age: 29.
  • Interests: I’m pretty active in kink and fetish subculture, and the social scene around that takes up a lot of my time. I’ve also recently branched out into the queer rave scene, and participate in some queer/LGBTQ+ social and activism activities. My day job is in tech, which doesn’t pay nearly as well as is hyped. My other interests include my historic participation in the Homestuck fandom, various web fandoms, gaming, programming, AI (since before that was uncool), music production (formerly, free time is scarce), and writing.
  • Content warnings: Discussion of some mature themes (nsfw/social discourse/other “adult topics”). Please don’t engage with my blog if you’re under 18.

Feel free to check out my creative projects, including my webnovel, Total Entropic Denial, my amateur music production, and some of the programming I’ve done.

See my full about me for more info!

not-terezi-pyrope:

Genuinely though, I hope I’m doing a good job of living. It’s so so so so so stressful sometimes and I feel like recently I’m so lost in the weeds. I can’t give things time or find my stride. Too chaotic, too distracted, pulled up and down by my emotions, by intense experiences battling anxiety disorder backlash. My thoughts are like stretched taffy.

I’m afraid for what it means… For my job and career….. I’m not performing very well. I no longer feel like I have very many actively deployable skills.

Difficult..

I could literally just be a bunny rabbit eating a strawberry right now. Fuck my gay baka life, etc

Genuinely though, I hope I’m doing a good job of living. It’s so so so so so stressful sometimes and I feel like recently I’m so lost in the weeds. I can’t give things time or find my stride. Too chaotic, too distracted, pulled up and down by my emotions, by intense experiences battling anxiety disorder backlash. My thoughts are like stretched taffy.

I’m afraid for what it means… For my job and career….. I’m not performing very well. I no longer feel like I have very many actively deployable skills.

Difficult..

Q:

🌂 Yo, uh, how weird is it, in your experience and knowledge, for someone's hunger response to vary greatly based on how much they've eaten in the last two weeks? My one like, goes up and goes down quite easily???

sysid-ace

You’d probably need to ask a nutritionist - I can only really speak to my own experiences, and I haven’t noticed that, although I can imagine that plenty of factors that might produce an effect of that style, the body is a complex system.

ericvilas:

not-terezi-pyrope:

(cw for food quantity/eating/weight gain+loss discussion)

Something that I feel needs to be acknowledged in discussions about healthy attitudes to food/eating is that the physiological feedback loop for hunger/satiation varies dramatically between different individuals to a degree which I think is wildly underestimated by those who sit within a range that leads to normative social and health outcomes.

I often encounter people who will describe earnestly how they forget to eat, how they hate “having to think about making sure they eat enough food”, who will be unable to continue to eat a meal after consuming what to me seems like a fairly small portion. These are often the same people who will talk about the importance of intuitive eating, of obeying hunger cues, of the idea that any form of dietary restriction is potentially disordered.

And broadly maybe those are good ideas to believe for most people. But I’m also just not sure those people are prepared for the amount that I would eat if I let myself follow my body’s hunger cues until I reached natural satiation. I know, because I lived that life, and combined with an inactive lifestyle and seemingly slow metabolism it lead me to continuously gain weight through uncontrolled overeating for most of my 20s down a path that was leading to catastrophic social and health consequences. I managed to reverse course solely through access to GLP-1 agonists, that I expect to be paying for at an exorbitant cost for the entirety of the rest of my life, solely so I can bring my hunger response within shooting distance of what seems to be the standard range for many of those around me.

Even now if I let myself eat without thinking I’d easily be topping up to approaching twice the typical food intake of some of the people around me. The filling meals that some eat would barely take the edge off what my body wants from me, “forgetting to eat” is anathema, food is a constant magnetic pull. I have to put considerable effort in to prevent constant snacking, to buy low calorie (at even more cost!), to hold back on impulse eating throughout the day just to tread water at around energy replacement levels. It sucks and it’s hard, but unfortunately I’ve learned that it’s necessary to a certain extent, in order to maintain my current life and lifestyle.

And so it galls me when somebody shakes their head and tells me I am exhibiting unhealthy and harmful behaviors, when they will happily go out their day without thinking about food after eating a small sandwich at lunch and a little curry for dinner, when their body has stayed within the socially normative range without effort their whole lives. Don’t you tell me what’s healthy or good for me if that’s been your experience.

(It’s been even harder since I was forced to switch to less good meds. Constant mental battle. I might need to look into even more options to curtail hunger honestly)

Mental health issues (anxiety, depression, etc) can cause unhealthy eating, and for some people it can cause unhealthily low food intake, and for some others it can cause unhealthily high food intake.

People often forget that people are different.

#fr tho I’m convinced treating your mental health will help with your food issues

Pretty sure I hit the diagnostic criteria for binge eating disorder from roughly ages 20-26. That was stemming from broader mental health issues, at least then, but frustratingly I’m pretty sure it irrevocably messed with my metabolism too.

Wish it was easier to get meds (the refusal to titrate me up after they changed my prescription is really fucking with me, and it’s not the sort of thing I want to be tempted to freestyle on outside the system).

(cw for food quantity/eating/weight gain+loss discussion)

Something that I feel needs to be acknowledged in discussions about healthy attitudes to food/eating is that the physiological feedback loop for hunger/satiation varies dramatically between different individuals to a degree which I think is wildly underestimated by those who sit within a range that leads to normative social and health outcomes.

I often encounter people who will describe earnestly how they forget to eat, how they hate “having to think about making sure they eat enough food”, who will be unable to continue to eat a meal after consuming what to me seems like a fairly small portion. These are often the same people who will talk about the importance of intuitive eating, of obeying hunger cues, of the idea that any form of dietary restriction is potentially disordered.

And broadly maybe those are good ideas to believe for most people. But I’m also just not sure those people are prepared for the amount that I would eat if I let myself follow my body’s hunger cues until I reached natural satiation. I know, because I lived that life, and combined with an inactive lifestyle and seemingly slow metabolism it lead me to continuously gain weight through uncontrolled overeating for most of my 20s down a path that was leading to catastrophic social and health consequences. I managed to reverse course solely through access to GLP-1 agonists, that I expect to be paying for at an exorbitant cost for the entirety of the rest of my life, solely so I can bring my hunger response within shooting distance of what seems to be the standard range for many of those around me.

Even now if I let myself eat without thinking I’d easily be topping up to approaching twice the typical food intake of some of the people around me. The filling meals that some eat would barely take the edge off what my body wants from me, “forgetting to eat” is anathema, food is a constant magnetic pull. I have to put considerable effort in to prevent constant snacking, to buy low calorie (at even more cost!), to hold back on impulse eating throughout the day just to tread water at around energy replacement levels. It sucks and it’s hard, but unfortunately I’ve learned that it’s necessary to a certain extent, in order to maintain my current life and lifestyle.

And so it galls me when somebody shakes their head and tells me I am exhibiting unhealthy and harmful behaviors, when they will happily go out their day without thinking about food after eating a small sandwich at lunch and a little curry for dinner, when their body has stayed within the socially normative range without effort their whole lives. Don’t you tell me what’s healthy or good for me if that’s been your experience.

(It’s been even harder since I was forced to switch to less good meds. Constant mental battle. I might need to look into even more options to curtail hunger honestly)

dovesndecay:

Microaggressions against polyamory in interpersonal interactions are important and should be discussed, but I do wish more of the conversation focused on the ways that systemic amatonormativity impact things like family units, taxes, healthcare, inheritances, housing, childcare, etc.

I’m not dating or married or related to anyone I live with, and our household of four adults can’t get any kind of financial or food or housing aid because we count as three separate households despite our semi-blended finances and living together for a decade. There are laws that have been proposed (at least, I don’t know if any passed) that limit housing to nuclear families.

Amatonormativity and polyphobia are not just theoretical “people are kinda mean about this sometimes” – they are real and materially impactful systemic issues, and they affect all of us.

(via sanguinifex)

fipindustries:

umbreon717-blog:

polls-by-fip:

did you have an imaginary friend, and if so did you actually think they were real or were you aware you were just playing pretend?

had imaginary friend, thought was real

had imaginary friend, was playing pretend

didnt have an imaginary friend

See Results

I didnt have an imaginary friend, but between the ages of like 3-5 I thought that i should so I went around acting like Starmie from pokemon was my good personal buddy

see, this is what ive been hearing from some people and was also the case with myself, kids coming up with an imaginary friend just because they heard that this is what other kids did.

i wonder if this is like the false memories cases during the satanic panic of people inventing shit because the adults around them insisted they should

I didn’t have an imaginary friend. Unless you count my ever-present silent pal, “grappling hook spider guy”, who would swing on the hanging serifs between lines of text in books I was reading or ninja run on the motorway barrier fences out the car window

From what I hear he’s quite popular

(via theothin)

not-terezi-pyrope:

Being polyamorous is exceptionally based and I generally shrug off the bafflement of monogamous normie types who are scandalized at my lifestyle or whatever. But sometimes even I have to admit that, yes, it is a little bizarre that my group “couples portraits” are starting to look a bit like The Delightful Children from Down the Lane

Don’t worry, I’m already pushing my capability with three, okay? Four is outer limit for total polysaturation, so it’s okay, mum, I swear I won’t send you photos with more than four people standing ominously behind me. I won’t fully harem anime it up in public, don’t worry