a reminder for the LGBTQIA+ community: a needlessly long post of things i’d like to say 

i’ve noticed a lot of hostility in the LGBTQIA+ community recently, both online and outside, and want to talk about some things.

• You are NOT entitled to know anyone’s sexuality, or force anyone to come out to make their queerness “valid”. They are valid regardless.
• You can be gay and transphobic, pan and acephobic, or non-binary and biphobic, or anything! Don’t use “i can’t be ___phobic, i’m LGBTQIA+” as an excuse to shit on other members of the community.
• Intersex people exist. Don’t erase the intersex community- they are here and they are real. 
• Don’t insist someone is/is not LGBTQIA+ because of how they act/look/dress/etc. You are not in charge of their identity and you certainly are not entitled to it.
• Don’t press people for stories. If you’re only going to talk to a gay/trans/bi/non binary/ pan/ etc. person to only talk about their queerness for publicity or “confirmation they’re queer”, that’s not support. We’re don’t have to validate ourselves to you.
• PoC members of our community are in more danger/are more targeted towards hate than our white counterparts. “but we both endure homophobia-“ no. Sure, you both do, but they have to endure racism and racist- founded homophobia on top of that. Let go of your white fragility and listen.
• No one in the LGBTQIA+ community faces the exact same problems. Gay people don’t face the same issues as trans people. Bi people don’t face the same issues as ace people. If you try to invalidate someone by saying “they don’t face the same things i do”, well, congrats. You’ve now excluded everyone but yourself. 
• I know there are some seriously religious homophobes out there and a lot of trauma can come from religious places but PLEASE do not bash religion as a whole or anyone who is religious just due to it- the last thing we need to be doing is creating a barrier for those of us who belong to both a religious community and our pride one. They belong here too.

Our pride community was built to be a place of support and inclusivity, and it is an amazing thing!! But it has flaws like everything does. We have toxic traits we need to work on, and we need to accept those traits and do our best to fix them. 

some things as a ✨positive reminder✨ for anyone who needs it:

• You do not have to label yourself. Anyone who says you do is probably insecure of their own identity. Your identity is valid, label-defined or not.
• You don’t have to look or act a certain way to be a part of our community. Stereotypes can help us find each other but can also be harmful for those who don’t fall into them.
• Queer identities are supposed to make you feel comfortable and happy. If they don’t, that’s okay. You don’t have to be any specific anything. 
• You do not have to come out. You can be out to a small group of people, everyone on the internet, or just your closest friend. You could just be out to yourself if that’s what you’re happy with. 
• Respect gender and sexuality across cultures and across generations!! Not everyone and everywhere uses the same terms or words things the same way. Don’t make fun of older folks for not using the term “queer” when it was used derogatively their time. Don’t insist that indigenous gender identities aren’t real, because they absolutely are. You don’t have to understand it- but at least respect it. 
• You can change. If you used to identify with something that no longer feels right for you, that’s okay. You’re just as valid as you were before. 
• You are not “sensitive” or “too serious” for calling out legitimate hate disguised as a joke. Great job for doing it, that takes guts. 
• You don’t owe the world your life story. Even though gay representation is needed in this day and age, you shouldn’t be hounded to share all your experiences. You can just say “that’s that” and that’s enough.
• Internalized homo/bi/pan/transphobia is a thing and it is hard to work on. Anyone struggling with accepting themselves, you got this. You are welcome here too. 
• You can be religious and part of the LGBTQIA+ community. You can belong here. You are welcome. You and your beliefs are valid. 
• Your sexuality is valid. Your gender is valid. Your emotions are valid. Your choices are valid. You are valid.
• Realizing who you are is hard work. It can take months, years- we’re all just trying to live on a little rock in space the best we can. So come on- be nice to each other and just live our lives. 

love is love, and i love and support every single one of you.

let’s make our community something to be proud of.