Avatar

Hello

@desmoscatghost

Honestly no clue what I am doing here.

I love it when period media about ancient cultures depicts the stonework in their architecture as very rounded and blobby in a way that makes it 100% clear that the designer was simply imitating the way it looks now. Like, what the fuck is erosion? Obviously it just started out that way.

That is a really solid point that I'm surprised I haven't really thought about.

Like, yes, of course, erosion, but also, we know the Pyramids in Egypt were meant to be smooth - do we not have a sense of which other stonework was meant to be smooth?

A more interestingly complicated question, of course, becomes "Which of those things were already ancient by the time of the show?" e.g. There were scholars of Ancient [to them] Egypt in Ancient [to us] Egypt.

I suspect you're giving too much credit for the amount of thought that goes into this stuff if you imagine those questions are even being asked. I have on multiple unconnected occasions bumped into media ostensibly set in Ancient Greece where the statues are already missing their arms.

ohhhh i bet the comments were so normal 😊

now this might sound harsh but i think you and the 80 upvotes should all kill yourselves. lol.

americans it is your moral duty to point this out. don't let the responses fool you, you are literally in the right here.

"americans" "in the right [when talking about europe]"

???????

it's painful to acknowledge but sometimes an american can be right about stuff 😔

Do you think 38% of EU prisoners are Roma?

My wife’s idea of decompressing after the busy holiday was to rearrange every piece of furniture in our home is this an ADHD thing or just a her thing

I’m not complaining the way she’s done it is much better than it was it’s just like how is this your idea of a relaxing weekend

Listen I don't get to decide when the drunk elf that is my executive actually does the functioning but when he does we have a SMALL WINDOW OF TIME before he finds the schnapps again and we're done

yes this exactly

So to me, there are spoons (general energy cost) and carnival tickets (specific energy cost).

Spoons can be used pretty much anywhere.

Carnival tickets are only good for the carnival, and it’s only in town for a limited amount of time.

So like, if I get “kitchen cleaning” carnival tickets, I can’t use that to clean my bedroom, that’s not where the carnival is.

phrase added to permanent vocabulary

Day 13/365 of listing something good I saw today:

I ate the unfamiliar blue cheese that came in the fancy discount christmas cheese set that I got. I've only ever really eaten one specific type of blue cheese before (Aura blue my beloved) so I wasn't sure if I was going to enjoy this one or not.

I didn't. But I decided to finish it anyway, just in case I'd get used to the taste and maybe like it. By the end it was still not very good. But I did finish it as I had set out to do. The cheese didn't defeat me, I defeated the cheese.

debating if it would be funnier to have a bumper sticker saying "my other ride is a [exact make and model of the car the sticker is on]" or "my other ride is a [equally shitty but different car]"

Avatar
k-simplex-deactivated20241001

2008 Honda Civic with the bumper sticker "My other ride is a 2007 Honda Civic"

This post has found its target market

I want to write a movie that is sort of the flip side of a Hallmark holiday movie. Not an anti-Hallmark movie, just like the other side of the same coin.

It starts with a well-dressed professional woman driving a convertible along a country road, autumn foliage in the background, terribly scenic. She turns onto a dirt road/long driveway, and stops next to a field of Christmas trees, all growing in neat, ordered rows, perfectly trimmed and pruned to form. She steps out of the car--no, she's not wearing high-heels, give her some sense!--and knocks on the door of a worn but nice-looking farmhouse. An older woman, late fifties maybe, answers the door, looking a bit puzzled. The younger woman asks if she can buy a Christmas tree now, today. The older woman says they don't do retail sales--and the younger woman breaks down crying.

Cut to the two women sitting at the kitchen table with cups of tea. The young woman (Michelle), no longer actively crying, explains that her mother loves Christmas more than anything, but is in the hospital with end-stage cancer. Her doctors don't think she'll live to see December, let alone Christmas. Nobody is selling Christmas trees in September, so could the older woman please make an exception, just this once? The older woman (Helen) regretfully explains that they have a contract to sell their trees that forbids outside sales. The younger woman nods, starts to stand up, but the older woman stops her with a hand and asks her what hospital her mother is in. After she answers the older woman says that "my Joe" will deliver a tree the next day. "Contract says I can't sell you a tree, but nothing says I can't give you one."

Next day "Joe" shows up at the hospital in flannel and jeans, with a smallish tree over her shoulder. Oh, whoops, that's Jo, Helen's daughter, short for Joanna, not Joe. Jo sets up the tree and even pulls out a box of lights and ornaments. Mother watches from hospital bed with a big smile as Jo and Michelle decorate the tree. Cue "end of movie" type sappiness as nurses and other patients gather in the doorway, smiling at the tree.

Cut to Michelle sitting in her dark apartment, clutching a mug of tea, staring out at the falling snow and the Christmas lights outside. Her apartment has no tree, no decorations, nothing. She starts at a knock on the door, goes to open it. Jo is standing there, again holding a tree over her shoulder.

Plot develops: the second tree is a gift, because Michelle might as well get it as the bank. The contract for the tree sales was an /option/ contract, which prevents them from selling to anyone else, but doesn't guarantee the sale. The corporation with the option isn't going to buy the trees, but Helen and Jo can't sell them anywhere else, and basically they get nothing. They'll lose the farm without the year's income. Michelle asks to see the contract and Jo promises to email it to her.

Next day at a very upscale law firm, Michelle asks at the end of a staff meeting if anyone in contract law still needs pro bono hours for the year. No one does, but a senior partner (Abe) takes her to his office and asks about it. She says the contract looks hinky to her ("Is that a legal term?" "Yes.") but contract law's not her thing. He raises an eyebrow and she grins and pulls a sheaf of paper out of her bag and hands it over. He reads it over, then looks up at her. "They signed this?"

More plot develops. Abe calls in underlings--interns, paralegals, whatever--and the contract is examined, dissected, and ultimately shredded (metaphorically). It's worse even than it looks--on January 1st Helen and Jo will have to repay the advanced they received at signing. The corporation has bought up a suspicious number of Christmas tree farms in previous years after foreclosure, etc.

Cut to Abe explaining all this to Helen and Jo while sitting with them and Michelle in a very swanky conference room. The firm is willing to take on the case pro bono, hopefully as a class's action suit for other farmers trapped by the contract--but there's no way it can go to court before January. Which will be too late to save the farm's income for the year. They might get enough in damages to tide them over, but….

After Michelle sees Helen and Jo out, she comes back and asks Abe if there's anything they can do immediately. Abe looks thoughtful for a long moment, then gets a really shark-like grin on his face. "Maybe…."

Cut to Helen wearing a bathrobe, coming into her kitchen in the morning. She looks out the window…and there's a food truck stopped in her driveway. She pulls a coat on over her robe and goes out--two more trucks have pulled up while she does this. Driver of the first truck asks her where they park. Another truck pulls up behind the others. Behind that is a black BMW--Abe rolls down the window and waves. Helen directs the trucks to the empty field/yard next to the house. Abe pulls up next to Helen's car and Jo's truck and parks. He and Michelle get out--Abe wearing a total power suit, Michelle in weekend casual.

The case will be easier if the corporation initially sues them for violating the (uninforcible!) contract, rather than them suing to corporation (damn if I know, but it's movie logic). So they're going to sell the trees now, and rounded up some food trucks and whatnot to draw people in.

Cue montage of Jo and Michelle running around helping people set up while Abe and Helen watch from the kitchen table. The table starts out covered in file folders…and slowly gains coffee cups and plates of cinnamon rolls. It becomes increasingly clear here that Abe and Helen are becoming as close as Jo and Michelle.

Everything gets set up and a very urban, very motley crowd appears--tats and studs and multiracial couples and LGBTQ parents and everything--and everyone is having a wonderful time eating funnel cake and choosing their tree so Jo and a bunch of rainbow-haired elves can cut it for them. At which point someone shows up from the corporation (maybe with a sheriff's deputy?) and starts yelling at Helen, who's running checkout. And suddenly Abe appears from the house and you realize why he's wearing that suit on a Saturday….

Cue confrontation and corporate flunky running off with their tail between their legs, blustering about suing. Cue Jo kissing Michelle. Cue Helen walking over and putting a hand on Abe's shoulder and smiling at her.

I want the lawyers to be the heroes because they are lawyers and know the law. I want a lesbian who lives in the country with her mother. I want urbanites to turn out as a community to help someone who isn't even part of their community. I want Michelle to keep working at her high-power job, loving Christmas and grieving her mother.

Feels like a Leverage christmas episode /pos

It’s not Christmas, but if you are interested in a sapphic romance where the big city numbers person helps the artsy love interest about to lose her labor of love small business etc BECAUSE she’s skilled at what she does, y’all should REALLY read Satisfaction Guaranteed by Karelia Stetz-Waters.

Independent bookstore link btw. I’m not attached to this book in any way, emotional reader reccing a favorite only.

today is a "nothing makes sense and I feel like an idiot" day, but we endure it in the hopes that tomorrow will be a "everything makes sense and mathematics is beautiful" day. just gotta take it one line at a time.

sleeping on the floor is making a comeback after i was in the woods for 12 hours and fell asleep on my doormat after getting home.

maybe it shouldn't. I woke up convinced there was a portal opening to the rat dimension next to me but it was my headlamp

you need to go back to the rat dimension they need your help

last time i listen to you

Why is everything in fantasy worlds like ten thousand years old why can’t you write a story about something new

Werewolves were invented like five years ago. Nobody knows what that howling is.

Screw ancient orders. We’re founding an order of knights right now. You’ve gotta keep your knights busy or else they’ll raid and pillage the countryside.

I’m opening a magic library. We’re accepting donations of lightly used scrolls and magical textbooks.

“What ancient crypt is this?”

“This is my grandpa’s tomb. He’s not even dead yet. It’s got holes because we haven’t finished it. Please don’t break the sarcophagus. We paid a lot for it.”

I’ve been laughing at “fuck this lemon you take it” for several minutes

take this papaya from my cold dead hands is sending me again oh my god

badminton is dont hit the fucking ground you stupid disgusting baby bird

every day this post has more responses that make me lunge back in my chair with the most unnecessarily loud cackle

Hockey is I’m gonna launch this peppermint patty at you and the only way to stop me is violence

curling is my two friends and i really want to put a watermelon in that exact spot, but the floor disagrees

relay racing is "here, you take this leek"

Avatar
queerly-tony

This is the best description I’ve heard for this method, I always thought it was bullshit because I never heard a description that actually explained how to do this other than “tap your head 20 times”.

I have anxiety-induced hissing, which sounds/feels different from sound-induced tinnitus (which I have also experience). Sound-based tinnitus actually sounds like you’re “hearing” something in your ears, whilst the hissing I have feels like it’s “inside my head”, if that makes sense. But this technique still helps!!

Here’s a visual I found because I couldn’t understand the instructions well

My ringing just went away for the first time in years. What is this blissful quiet.

wait wait i gotta try this, i don’t think i’ve had Actual Silence since i was like 5

HOW THE FUCK

Reblogging to save a life, and also because, even if you don’t have tinnitus, this is totally worth trying if you like new sensory experiences.  

Getting up at 6 am IRL: aw fuck it’s so early oh my god
Getting up at 6 am in an rpg: *banging pots and pans together in front of the cobbler’s shop* WAKEY WAKEY THE SUN IS UP I WANT SOME SHOOOOOOOES
Avatar
tom-marvolo-dildo

customers the same in all universes

Avatar
mumblytron

this is it. this is the best response i’ve ever received on this post. everyone pack up, go home, we’re done here

Sponsored

You are using an unsupported browser and things might not work as intended. Please make sure you're using the latest version of Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Edge.