As you can see; nobody lives in Dallas Texas

I'm not from Dallas, Texas, but I'm arguable from Texas. By preference, as far from Texas as possible.

(Born in Texas, went to high school in Texas, lived in two other states and a US possession in between, have not voluntarily returned to Texas since. In high school Dallas was the closest big city--a mere 150 miles away.)

Tumblr age test!

The very best thing about The Phantom of the Opera is that it shows us a possibly supernatural occurrence, then gives us a natural explanation that is infinitely crazier than the supernatural one would have been.

What if there was a ghost in the opera house that was killing people?

Requires you to accept the existence of ghosts, but otherwise is a straightforward story.

What if the chief contractor who built the opera house was a deformed circus freak who used his experience building palaces and torture chambers for sultans to keep building secret passageways and torture chambers in the basement when construction halted during the Franco-Prussian War, and then kept living down there working on an opera and killing and blackmailing people who crossed him and also training a pretty opera singer that he wants to marry?

There is nothing in the world that could have prepared me to expect even half of that.

@o-lei-o-lai-o-lord you are so right about this

Edit: also applies to contacts btw

Please share btw i wanna hear about you guys' experiences

I'm gonna use blaze to force people to look at my cat, because she is adorable.

Her name is Hestia.

We have lost the meaning of queerbait

Just because what you wanted didn't happen, doesn't mean it's queerbaiting. It is now being used an excuse when the ship you want didn't get together. Queerbaiting has to do with marketing.

Queerbait: A cookbook that you learned about from ads with pictures of people eating tasty looking soups and the author's social media posts about how soup lovers are going to love it, proves to have no soup recipes.

Not queerbait: A cookbook has no soup recipes. You assumed there would be some based on vibes and wishful thinking. No soups were ever advertised or promised.

Also not queerbait: A cookbook that was advertised as containing soup recipes has soup recipes but not for the types of soups you like.

so we found out the sex of our baby last night

before we found out, I told my husband to pick the theme of the nursery, because 1) I feel like dads get steamrolled in a lot of the decision making where they could otherwise be included, and 2) I trust his judgement entirely

he picked space. it's neutral, it's cool, and he wants to take our baby to science museums and have a shared interest. I love it!!!!

so we started loading our registry with space books and space onesies, and they all say "boy". like are you fucking kidding me it's just got stars on it, calm down oh my god, it's for a baby and a parent who loves stars. I found one (1) book that suggested that girls could be an astronaut. so everyone who saw the list thought that we were having a boy, and we had to keep telling them that we didn't know yet. and like I don't mind that it says "boy" on all the listings, it's literally a piece of fabric, but the comments from other adults are exhausting.

and then last night we found out we're having a girl

we're both thrilled (as we keep saying - no wrong answers there, we're just excited that the rest of the test results came in healthy), but as soon as I called my mom and told her that the registry is misleading because it says boy everywhere she went "don't worry, this happened when I had you, I wanted to keep you out of pink because I hate it and it's not your color, and I wanted you to be into science too, and everything is for boys, it's so dumb, but I'll find you good stuff for her"

so now my mom finally has a mission that isn't hovering over me, and it's to get our daughter into STEM 🫡

FOOD DISCOURSE: reblog with ur opinions on guacamole, olives, mango, hummus, tomatoes, and cannolis

Should be illegal for wood to be this sharp

When you're removing a stiff veneer from cork furniture using a sharp metal tool, it is a cruel joke of the universe for the fucking cork to be the thing that slices your finger open

#fucking CORK?

I don't know how either

Derin you are a menace to yourself. It's a wonder you've survived this long

Got restless, figured I still have one uninjured hand, got back to work.

Fucking cork again.

Checks out

Everyone on this website is mean to me

In this case you are mean to you

I am one of the everyone on this website

What if we all gave you money and said we were sorry?

Then I would forgive you because I love money. Tumblr Indulgences.

I bought your book, same same

You are forgiven.

I once sliced my finger (picture a paper cut) on a toasted bagel

I have an asterisk scar on my hand from stabbing myself with a Phillips head screwdriver.

the nearest depiction of an animal or other sentient fantasy creature to you at this moment comes to life right where it is (i.e. cat photograph, shark plushie, dragon painting, etc)

assume it doesn’t know you (unless it’s actually a specific animal you’ve met) and that it’s normal for its species and would do whatever was natural for it. including being too giant for and destroying the room it’s in. as well as dying immediately if its environment can’t support its life

Darcy complains that Jane Bennet smiles too much sir this is literally your bestie: