Thought I'd taken a giant L today by not being able to find a

wait, post cancelled:

fuck you phone.

Sorry, but I really doubt that that's gonna happen. Thank you for trying to curse me though.

I've seen people draw ralsei and mettaton smoking blunts but I want to see queen taking hits off a usb thumb drive like it's a juul

Kris Trucie Come Smoke This Shit

We Will "Bond"

It Will Be: Great (TRUE)

Birdling Come Here I Know How To Make You Less Or More Annoying

Martin Luther King speaking with Harry Belafonte about what he saw as the next big step in the Civil Rights Movement.

You don’t get to use Martin Luther King Jr. as your “Imaginary Black Yes Man”!!!

how many posts does Grandma have in her before she gives out

Enough depressurized blobfish. I'm here to spread living blobfish propaganda.

Look at them. Gorgeous. Wonderful. Living comfortably at depths to over 1,200 meters in the ocean. Be nice to them.

Forget this "I often take things literally" shit – I want to see the diagnostic checklist that's like "I often find myself in conversations where I'm 99% sure I know what they meant, but I feel compelled to give them a hard time anyway because they didn't say it Correctly".

Mr. Beast is such a fascinating public figure cause he's the only one who's willing to outright say stuff like how his success came at the cost of his joy and human passions but when you look him in the eyes it's clear that he doesn't consider this a bad thing

Actually I'm not sure you can detect any core beliefs or emotions or even the will to live on Mr. Beast's face, but that's exactly the point. He appears completely content with being a brand instead of a human being

I take it back - he believes in, apparently, the Mormon church.

Hey, I caught your living weapon eating cheese straight out of the fridge in the middle of the night. Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad, this seems like a big development in her healing process.... but it was my good cheese...

They're still getting used to processing dairy and lactose so they'll be feeling very sorry about it soon

Oh nooooooo

I asked your living weapon if it had learned a lesson, but she just laid there stared at me with her big wet eyes and whimpered piteously

That’s them learning to be sorry. While they may claim that the heat of battle and horror of war has forged them into a weapon that feel neither pain nor pleasure nor emotion period, that evidental does not extend to tummy aches

Yeah, well, I'm getting your living weapon some lactase pills

having Thoughts this MLK day

Posting nuance on tumblr will have you go "sometimes A is partially true while B is also partially true" and get people arguing

as if both of those are disagreeing with the statement they're responding to

Talk to the genie, have the monkey paw-

A malicious genie responding to the exact phrasing of the post would be an improvement. Users on this website just squint at the words and use some of them to make up a post to get mad at.

sometimes you dont eat fruit for awhile and then you eat some fruit and you're like oh fuck its fruit

oh my god just saw two pirate ships get into a fender bender right outside my apartment

two dudes with hook hands and trifold hats are currently out there yelling about who had right of way

peg legs?

no, they don't have peg legs. god, that's such an offensive stereotype. learn some shit about pirates instead of making yourself look ignorant on my post

…eyepatches?

of course they had eyepatches what are you stupid