ANDOR 1.07

Uni :3

you’ll regret clicking this one.

BYE

We’re so diligent about it that I forget that me and like two point five of my friends are the only people on the planet who call Andre the Ice Cream Man from Miraculous Ladybug “the amatonormative ice cream witch”. This concept has gradually built up a lot of interconnected lore and sometimes I have to pause and remind myself that we made absolutely all of it up as a joke.

It's true like this is relatively self-explanatory so far! I think where we started to get Weird with it was the career day episode when Luka says his life goal is to "help people with his music" or whatever, at which point we went "ohhhh I see, I understand everything now, Luka's career goal is guitar witch."

Like okay you have this second character who has mystical insights into people's emotional states through the medium of a devoted hobby. And he's not as systematic or inexplicable about it, but he's still a teenager. He apparently wants to make diagnosing the songs of people's hearts a job. CLEARLY, Luka is going to replace Andre as Paris's witch.

And I believe in my heart that he won't be such an amatonormative weirdo about it! Andre is welcome to prove me wrong, but I'm convinced that if a polyamorous triad tried to get ice cream from his cart he would break down into tears at minimum. I think Andre the Ice Cream Man would be aphobic at me.

And from there you just keep yes-anding outwards semilogically. Like obviously when we got around to the New York special we immediately identified the hot dog guy as NYC's hot dog witch even though he's introduced as a superhero. He's a wandering vendor who gives people variants on a single type of food imbued with a minor mystical gimmick. Come on now.

#from there one must further posit: are andre and the hot dog guy exes#miraculous ladybug #two of us stayed up until an unwise hour last night putting off going to bed by inventing an italian gelato witch from whole cloth #HE and andre are DEFINITELY exes

@brawltogethernow all of this continues to make perfect intuitive sense to me. idk what this says about me or about you, or maybe about miraculous ladybug.

We're simply sifting the truth from the bones!

"Andre is welcome to prove me wrong, but I'm convinced that if a polyamorous triad tried to get ice cream from his cart he would break down into tears at minimum."

Okay, but that part's canon. In Heart Hunter, he offered different flavor pairs to Marinette, Adrien, and Kagami, and left it up to Marinette to decide on the flavor pair. Marinette asked if they could have all three flavors together and he said no.

Incredibly belated birthday gift for @mc-lukanette !! They wanted some soft lukanette with the knitting fairy and I was more than happy to provide~

I went way back in time to an idea/AU we had years ago and brought some pin cushion cuddles into the mix.

Thanks for being the best bean <3 |Check my Miraculous Ladybug tag for redesigns and lukanette content| |DO NOT REPOST MY WORK|

Sith Padme AU Part 2

Padme and Anakin both viscerally sense the death of tens of thousands of Jedi and the rise of the dark side. Anakin, tormented by guilt over abandoning the jedi in their greatest hour of need and also insanely sleep-deprived, passes out. Padme goes into labor, for real. As far as Anakin can tell when he wakes up, the twins are the only spots of light in the galaxy.

As referenced earlier, the councilors cease their chase of Palpatine upon activation of Order 66, retreating to the temple to defend the younglings. A few desperate and deeply tragic “I’ll hold them off” moments as the top Jedi fighters hold off hundreds of brainwashed clones so children can escape.So while those out in the field are still lost (with the exception of Yoda and Obi-Wan, as per canon) the very young and a few of the very old manage to escape the total genocide. That’s…better than canon, at least. Right? 

Padme’s maternity leave is immediately interrupted by non-stop emails from her evil boss.

Palpatine: WHere R U TWO?? Padme: Um, labor? Babies were your idea, Master, remember? Palpatine: Seriously? you couldn’t have held it in? Padme: … Padme: [ATTACHED IMAGE]

Keep reading

AU where Padme was another one of Palpatine’s apprentices (in the loosest sense of the word, because Sidious, of course, less had apprentices, and more had tools: Maul a machete, Dooku a rapier, Vader a tactical warhead, and Padme a scalpel)

Episode one plays out effectively the same (Padme takes a little longer before returning to Naboo, ramping up casualties, and doesn’t seriously attempt to press charges on the Trade Federation afterwards. This cements Sheev’s and Padme’s reputation as tragic but noble leaders, with Sheev as the strong protector and Padme as the republic representative crying out for protection. Desire for a military increases relative to canon, and so does the perception of the trade federation as a Titan).

Episode two plays out identically, with Padme making the same character choices and saying the same lines, only they, uh, actually make a bit more sense. (Padme is somewhat bemused that after years of training as a femme fatale, her biggest mark is also her easiest). The film ends with the galaxy at war and the Chosen One firmly in the grasp of the Sith.

During the clone wars, Anakin is weirdly both worse off and better off than canon. Worse off for the obvious reasons, in that he now has two people actively subtly encouraging him to forget about empathy and revel in violence. Better off in that Padme is starting to become conflicted (because this is a story and obviously the seductress has to start actually developing feelings for the sucker she’s stringing along). Padme’s darker side starts leaking out in a less calculated manner, since she just wants her dark prince already. 

And Anakin is at his best when he’s helping others.

When Darth Konigin acts more aggressively, losing patience with her ‘reluctantly violent pacifist facade’ and makes to shoot an unarmed man, Anakin becomes calmer, negotiating peace. When she speaks bitterly about the republic and sentient life in general, Anakin points out hope, taking her for a romantic dinner made by some humble refugees of the Hutts who found freedom in the republic. When Padme actively encourages him to kill the fools who dared take her captive, Anakin becomes more righteous, making sure they get a fair trial.

So you get this odd dynamic of Anakin behaving more consistently in a moral manner the more obviously evil Padme acts because, hey, everyone has moments of uncontrollable violence! Anakin’s a good husband and is determined to be the Obi-Wan moral backbone so she isn’t kept awake at night by guilt! There’s also a bit more emotional honesty on Anakin’s side, as he isn’t even vaguely trying to conceal his darkest thoughts because she really gets it <3 <3 <3

At a loss for getting him to fall, Padme reluctantly goes off birth control, because there ain’t no leverage like helpless infant leverage.

Episode three stays the same until Anakin finds out Palpatine is the Sith Lord. After telling Master Windu and being ordered ordered to stay behind, he immediately runs off to Padme (who really <3 gets <3 internal conflict). 

Padme, a true Sith, decides to betray her Master at this point, stalling the Chosen One in the hopes the Jedi will manage to weaken or kill her Master (she know that she’s no more essential than Dooku, and as soon as Anakin falls…). Pretends to go into labor; the two fly to Naboo. Palpatine, outmatched, flees and activates Order 66. Without Anakin in the mix, the battle for the temple is a lot more prolonged. Mace Windu survives, smuggling out—you know what, this is getting kinda long so I’m just gonna cut it here.

Part Two

Star Wars Time Travel AU #29 - Frog Promise AU

continued here

As an occasional visitor to Star Wars fandom, here are some things I would like to see come out of Rogue One:

- the fic about the reactions of the Empire’s IT and records management departments when they learn that some trigger-happy general just literally blew up an entire unique archival repository of key bureaucratic data - the comic about the first time some maintenance technician tries to repair something on the Death Star and the guy’s like, ‘where’s the documentation?’ and their boss is like ‘um, well, funny story about that….’ - the in-depth analysis about various mistakes the Empire makes in the original trilogy and how they operate in context of an organization that has just, I repeat, LITERALLY BLOWN UP ALL OF THEIR OWN BACKUP DATA. Of course it’s easy for any random hero to impersonate a Stormtrooper! THEY DESTROYED ALL THEIR OWN PERSONNEL FILES.

Rogue One, or, Why All The Empire’s Librarians and Archivists Joined the Rebellion

@earendils @butneverstoptrying

Rogue 2 plot summary: a bunch of Imperial waste management techs go AWOL and steal the Death Star plans back from the Rebels because how else are we supposed to get the dianoga out of the pipes when we have literally no idea where half of these ducts go or what they’re for

they complete their mission but in the end decide not to delete the plans from the main Alliance computers after they’ve made their copy because ehhhhh what if we never had to fix anything on that piece of shit again, what if that, it’s insured right?

This also explains why none of the bridges or giant pits in the floor have railings: literally no one knows if they’re supposed to be there or not, and once someone tried to drill into the floor to install some and destroyed the main air circulation wiring for half the station, now everyone just has to be real careful all the time

It also means that when they built the second Death Star in ROTJ they had to start entirely from scratch, yikes

in the end they decide not to delete plans from main Alliance computers because their heist crew contains one records manager who’s like ‘look, we’re SUPPOSED to have redundant data backups, this way we’re not even paying for the storage!’

Paging @fahye because PUBLIC SERVANTS

this post has made the rounds amazingly on my dash and now it’s LITERALLY CALLING MY NAME. pour one out for that tfa fic I was writing about della calrissian, disgruntled member of the new republic capital electoral commission, just trying to do her job and not get involved with the rebellion AGAIN. never doubt my commitment to space bureaucracy.

I LOVE PEOPLE!

(Seriously, who’s up for a zine/anthology/cooperative AO3 series (group? tag? IDK) around the theme of various public servants sabotaged the Empire, joined the Rebellion, or avenged the besmirchment of their domains. #public servants of the empire, or the like.)

I love the way the glaring fucking design flaw that’s been pointed out since New Hope came out (your flying doom-planet that you’re going to use to subjugate the galaxy will explode entirely into so much space-dust after a love-tap from a single-pilot fighter if it’s in the right place? were you people high when you designed this?) just got shutupshutupohmygodshutuped away with Secret Rebels Sabotaging Things.

And it explains so much else, about everything, doesn’t it?

No guardrails over fucking bottomless pits? Some rebel sympathizer on the allocation committee line-itemed half the safety shit right out of the budget.

Helmets with no peripheral vision because fuck you, that’s why? The woman who designed them got conscripted into the job, and the only thing that makes her smile is watching those douchebag noncoms crash into each other in Y-intersection corridors.

Nobody notices there being extra stormtroopers running around? With the way Lieutenant Bob keeps dicking with the schedule, nobody can say for sure there shouldn’t be purple flying monkeys manning the security checkpoints.  He’s run three Emperor Inspection Drills in as many weeks, and just three days ago he put the entire unit on duty at once and left the overnight shift “TBA.” He’s doing more to tank morale than Vader’s temper.  Coincidentally, Lieutenant Bob’s homeworld got hit with a punitive tax hike six months ago, and people are literally starving in the streets.

The guy who checks itineraries and rosters for incoming shuttle flights believed the hype about joining up and seeing the Galaxy.  Turns out fuck literally every actual thing about this job, from officer infighting to civilian casualties to Vader’s last-minute order to have every surface in his on-board suite kitted out with fucking lava lamps, of all things.  Like, they’re in space.  He gets that, right?  They can’t just stop by SpaceMart and pick up stuff like that.  His boss is a dick and he was up all night making lava lamps out of cooking oil and food coloring, and you know what?  The last thing he wants to do right now is check the manifest on the next delivery of cooking oil.  He’s had enough with cooking oil.  He took five showers when he got back to his quarters, and he still smells like fucking canola.  The Wookie and the guy who hasn’t shaved in a month and the guy still picking half a tumbleweed out of his hair can blow up the entire fucking station for all he cares–he will help them plant the explosives, if it comes down to it–so long as they don’t make him talk about the cooking oil he’s signing off on as being delivered.

i never posted the exhaustive but incomplete timeline of the pop star wars au i made did I

POP STAR WARS INCOMPLETE TIMELINE

(sidenote - this is one of my crackiest, most self-indulgent aus (it says a lot about my aus that ‘Obi-Wan Kenobi Time Travels and becomes Space Hannah Montana and this somehow generates an ungodly cash flow’ is not for sure my MOST cracky au. why did i develop this much plot detail. is this a sign of mental instability.)

Preview:

Au where Sabine or Din or whomever becomes Mand'alor. And then repatriates the darksaber to the Jedi. Can you imagine the drama

@inquisitor-apologist exactly EXACTLY. You see my vision

pelcan Mouth perfec t size for put baby in to n\ap! inside very Soft and Comfort baby sleep soundly put baby in Pelican Mouth. Put Baby In Pelican Mouth. no problems ever in peliccan mouth because good Shape and Support for baby neck weak of big baby head. Apelican Mouth yes a place for a baby put baby in pelican mouth can trust pelican for giveing good love to baby. friend pelican

Cultural Fashion: Toph’s Original Hairband

So one detail of Toph’s design that I’ve always found intriguing were the little pom-poms decorating her hairband. They always seemed so uncharacteristically cutesy for Toph. I felt they must have had some sort of real life inspiration and I think I’ve found the source!

Pictured on the left is a Chinese Opera performer. As you can see, Chinese Opera headdresses, known as kuitou (盔头), tend to be decorated with pom-poms, known as róng qiú (绒球). And, like Toph’s hairband, kuitou tend to be positioned high enough on the head to leave room for bangs or fringes. In other words, I believe Toph’s hairband is a homemade and simplified kuitou.

It may sound a bit far-fetched, but hear me out: Toph grew up very rich and there’s nothing more classically bourgeois than spending a night at the opera. It’s also very music-heavy, so her parents would probably see it as an appropriate interest for their blind daughter. They invite performance troupes to their estate to put on shows for Toph, but it’s not the singing or dialogue that enchants their daughter, it’s the fight scenes.

Skip ahead a few years and Toph has just discovered the Earth Rumble bending tournament. She’s told she’ll need to bring her own costume. Her only reference point for costumes are the opera costumes that her parents allowed her to touch. She decides she’ll need her own kuitou, even if it’s just a simple one with only two róng qiú hastily glued on. Chinese opera róng qiú are traditionally made with mulberry silk, the most expensive silk you can purchase, so Toph’s pom-poms are also a subtle allusion to her rich-kid roots.

happy make a terrible comic day!!! i haven't stopped thinking about this post since i saw it. in 2018 a common merganser was spotted with 76 (SEVENTY SIX!!!) chicks!! that's SOOOO many baby. so much success.

Malice thought she had found a Viceless napping location.

She was wrong.

Mayhem is not bothering Malice because she's tied herself to my apron stings