that thing about how removing the middle 2 panels of a cad comic makes it funnier is true 

holy shit

I can’t even imagine what meaningless filler went into panels 2-3.

oh my god these are actually funny

this is 100% true and once you remove the horrible filler bullshit its comedy gold

SHOW LOSS YOU COWARDS

NEW ~ Choose Your Weapon V

I know a certain someone who would die so hard to the second sword

after the twelfth or so richard siken twitter clapback reposted to tumblr it becomes clear that, while richard siken’s fans may be annoying, they are not the ones searching their name on twitter and arguing with random teenagers who never even argue back

the sunk cost fallacy has been my favorite fallacy for as long as I can remember. so at this point it's probably too late to pick a different one

so soothing. cancel my appts. gonna be watching a bubble freeze in real time for the foreseeable

that is insanely cool and also how I mentally picture setting wards

that theory that the Arkenstone is a Silmaril…it’s doubly implausible, but imagine if nobody knew. If the dwarves were guarded enough of their greatest treasure that…you wouldn’t even need to hide it from that many people, honestly. Mostly a few elves, and all wizards.

and then Bilbo sidles up to Gandalf like, “Thorin and all are holed up in the Mountain, but I think they’re being nuts, so I…kind of stole the Arkenstone, I think.” And (it’s been thousands of years since the light of the trees was doused save for the precious brilliance locked away in Feanor’s gems, since oaths and blood and war that raged until the skies cracked and the earth shattered, and the little people of the Shire have no memory of it at all) he pulls out a fucking Silmaril.

Gandalf: *spittake*

Gandalf: *hurriedly glances at Thranduil. the king of Mirkwood’s eyes shine with curiosity and greed, but not recognition, nor the terrible lust that overtook Feanor and his sons. right, right, he was never in Thingol’s court while the jewel that Luthien and Beren took was there. we’re good. we’re good for now*

Gandalf: That’s, uh, nice, Bilbo. Put it away, would you?

Gandalf, telepathically(?): EMERGENCY RINGBEARERS ONLY CONFAB NOW

Gandalf: [mental image of a goddam Silmaril in hobbit hands, labelled “thisfuckingrockagain.jpg”]

Galadriel, who watched 95% of her family slaughter everyone within 100 miles for several thousand years over these things, including each other and themselves: no.

Elrond, who was very nearly one of those people slaughtered, and did watch most of his town be killed before he and his twin were kidnapped for a while: Absolutely Fucking Not.

Gandalf: Apparently fucking yes. The legendary Arkenstone-

Galadriel: You’ve got to be kidding me.

Elrond: Thorin Oakenshield has a Silmaril right now?

Gandalf: No, no.

Gandalf: Bilbo stole it.

Elrond: *wordless sputtering*

Gandalf: @Galadriel [information packet: BilboBagginsoftheShire.pdf]

Galadriel: Oh yes, Belladonna’s boy, you were telling me about him last winter. 

Galadriel: Btw, orc+warg army probably coming your way. Spotted it in the mirror last night. Thank goodness we dealt with Dol Goldur at least, huh?

Elrond: No fucking shit.

Gandalf @Gwaihir Windlord: hey, sorry to bother you again, I know it’s nearly mating season. but we have a situation again

Gandalf: [thisfuckingrockagain.jpg]

Gandalf: [oncomingorcwargarmy.jpg]

Gandalf: [flashbacktobadasseaglesinwarofwrathhinthint.mov]

I mean, given that Tolkien retconned “The Hobbit” so Bilbo’s little invisibility ring became an ancient piece of jewelry that controls minds and drives the mighty mad, one can at least understand why it seems plausible that the other shiny white gem that destroys empires and makes the mighty go mad with greed could be linked from his kid’s book to his gigantic early mythology in retrospect??

You know this actually explains a lot about why Gandalf didn’t immediately raise the alarm about Bilbo’s ring out of an abundance of caution. I mean, what are the odds, what are the fucking odds, that this one little hobbit stole both a Silmaril and the Ring of Power? Like, you are Gandalf the Grey and you have already dealt with the heart attack to end all heart attacks because this little innocent fool stole a world war inspiring artifact once. You still get flashbacks every time Bilbo offers to show you something and have to employ all of your angel’s serenity and thousands of years of learned composure not start giBbERinG “ pleaseletitnotbeanotherartifactpleaseletitnotbeanotherartifact”. And then. AND THEN! One day he’s like, “hey Gandalf let me show you this neat ring I found back on our journey”. And on the inside a tiny part of you is screaming “nottheoneringnottheoneringnottheonering” while a more rational part of your brain assures you it could not possibly be the one- “It’s this plain gold ring that’s very precious to me and turns me invisible!”

AND THEN YOU FUCK OFF AND SEARCH THROUGH EVERY POSSIBLE TOME YOU CAN TO PROVE IT CAN’T REALLY BE THE RING OF POWER, SAURON’S RING OF POWER, THAT RING, THE ONE RING, LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE TOME, BEFORE FINALLY FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGING THAT THIS SHIT IS REALLY HAPPENING AGAIN

@shewhodoesnotexist what says you? :P

I’ve never been a proponent of this theory, but I gotta admit the idea of Bilbo finding two world war inspiring artifacts is alluring ;D

Next you’ll be telling me Sting is Gurthang

Sting may or may not be Angrist, the knife that Beren used to get the Silmarill off of Morgoth’s crown

“Average Hobbit finds at least one world war inspiring artifact when on a journey” statistic inaccurate. The Spiders Took Family, who find a world war inspiring artifact every five feet they step outside the Shire, were outliers and should not have been counted.

imagine cloth mother and wire mother in family court competing for custody of the baby monkey

I Have Softness For You

i have milk for you

Stop.

Cut the baby monkey in half

It feels criminal not to include the third panel

i just know at some point on voyager tom and harry started a bad podcast together. like the classic guys talking about nothing for an hour kind of podcast. they’d keep bugging people to guest star but the only person who wants to is the doctor (the only person they don’t want guest starring)

they eventually manage to get seven to guest star because janeway thinks it’ll be good for exploring her humanity and it’s an hour of harry and tom debating whether leola root belongs on pizza and ranking their favourite holodeck programs and every time they ask seven for her opinion she’s like “i fail to see how any of this is relevant.” it’s their most popular episode by far

Jean-Luc Picard is such a hodgepodge of character traits. He enjoys classical music. He is a horse girl. He never takes sick time. Has been stabbed in the heart by a 7 foot tall drunkard. He hates kids. He has an enemies to besties arc with God. He stumbled across the latest common ancestor of humanoids everywhere. His favorite activity is looking at old stuff, but it used to be horse riding and before that it was ships in bottles.

Also he has a 5-digit kill count at a minimum and turned into a literal propaganda machine for a hot minute.

Wormtongue harassing Gandalf because he always shows up when bad things are happening is a great example of how correlation doesn’t equal causation. 

not a fully formed idea but something about a modern hamlet using AI to talk to his "father" and slowly succumbing to very real and true madness as he loses his grip on reality in favour of clinging to this last remaining piece of his "father" that isn't real at all...

i've toyed with the idea that maybe, instead of having them be royals, hamlet's father started a tech company and was a ceo and the AI is still something discovered by security guards + horatio. maybe hamlet sr created it himself as a prototype or safeguard. maybe claudius made it for funsies or more nefarious purposes i.e. using his brother's voice/image for evil

i just think it would be a lot of fun... and painful. i'd probably have the AI be ever present in all of hamlet's scenes. maybe he wears a bluetooth earbud the whole play through which his "father" speaks to him and now and then the audience can hear what his "father" is saying to him. sometimes it's urging him to act, sometimes it's berating him, sometimes it's playing ads